Narrative Writing

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Narrative Writing

• Mentor Text from Boy, Tales of Childhood by Roald
  Dahl

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Mrs Pratchetts revenge

• Showing-not-telling through dialog, description
  and action

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Setting the stageThe power of the spoken word

• Our form master came into the classroom with a
  piece of paper in his hand. The following are
  to report to the Headmasters study at once, he
  said. ThwaitesDahl And then he read out the
  other three names which I have forgotten.

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Action clearly stated

• The five of us stood up and left the room. We
  didnt speak as we made our way down the long
  corridor into the Headmasters private quarters
  where the dreaded study was situated. Thwaites
  knocked on the door.
• Enter!

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Important descriptive details

• We sidled in. The room smelled of leather and
  tobacco. Mr Coombes was standing in the middle
  of it, dominating everything, a giant of a man if
  ever there was one, and in his hands he held a
  long yellow cane which curved round the top like
  a walking stick.

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Some serious dialogfollowed by action

• I dont want any lies, he said. I know very
  well you did it and you were all in it together.
  Line up over there against the bookcase.
• We lined up, Thwaites in front and I, for some
  reason, at the very back. I was last in the line.

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Dialog and action

• You, Mr Coombes said, pointing the cane at
  Thwaites, Come over here.
• Thwaites went forward very slowly.
• Bend over, Mr Coombes said.
• Thwaites bent over. Our eyes were riveted on
  him. We were hypnotized by it all. We knew, of
  course, that boys got the cane now and again, but
  we had never heard of anyone being made to watch.

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More dialog and action

• Tighter, boy, tighter! Mr Coombes snapped
  out. Touch the ground!
• Thwaites touched the carpet with the tips of
  his fingers.
• Mr. Coombes stood back and took up a firm
  stance with his legs well apart. I thought how
  small Thwaitess bottom looked and how very tight
  it was.

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Some serious action

• Mr Coombes had his eyes focused squarely upon
  it. He raised the cane high above his shoulder,
  and as he brought it down, it made a loud
  swishing sound, and then there was a crack like a
  pistol shot as it struck Thwaitess bottom.

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Dialog? Action? Description?

• Little Thwaites seemed to lift about a foot into
  the air and he yelled Ow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! and
  straightened up like elastic.
• Arder! shrieked a voice from over in the
  corner.
• Now it was our turn to jump. We looked round
  and there, sitting in one of Mr Coombess big
  leather armchairs, was the tiny loathsome figure
  of Mrs Pratchett!

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Our turn

• Lets think about a time when we or someone we
  know were in a similar situation as Roald Dahl
• Or
• Something else that this scene made us think of

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Such as

• Getting into trouble at school
• Being disciplined by parent(s)
• Being blamed for something you didnt do
• or
• Being praised for something you did well
• Experiencing an embarrassing moment
• Receiving an unexpected gift/award

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Group oneSetting the stage

• Our vice principal, Mr. Stomper, came to the
  classroom door with a pink slip in his hand. He
  slowly entered the room and his eyes grew larger
  as he peered over the top of his rimless glasses
  to survey each one of us in the room. We all
  watched as he approached David, bending down
  slowly to whisper in his ear please step
  outside.

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• We all sighed a big sigh of relief as the vice
  principal left the room.
• Kiaira said I wonder what he did this time.
• No sooner had she said that when the door
  opened and Mr. Stomper came back in and
  commanded
• The following are to report to the principals
  office immediately. Clark, Moore, Prater,
  Scalia, Smith and Burgess.

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• The six of us stood up and walked outside
  quietly. We didnt speak as we made our way
  downstairs to the principals office. Nervously,
  we knocked on the door.
• Please come in.
• We stumbled through the office door. The room
  smelled of coffee and donuts. Mr. Angus was
  seated behind his big desk and his face looked
  very serious.

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Group two, setting the scene

• Our language arts teacher came into the
  classroom with a small green post it note in her
  hand. The following are to report to the
  library immediately, she announced. Allen,
  Daniels, Conkwright, Thomas, Campbell and
  Zapata.
• The six of us slid out of our seats and
  curiously made our way down the hall. We opened
  the big glass doors into the library where the
  librarian met us and said
• You have been chosen to do the TV morning
  announcements. Please follow me to the news
  room.

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• Each one of us was suddenly very concerned
  about what we looked like and Brittany
  frantically asked wheres a mirror, I have got
  to look fabulous for this performance!
• Zack said oh no, Ive got a ginormous zit on
  the end of my nose!
• So have you been lying again like Pinocchio?
  Miguel joked.
• Whos going first? Emily asked. Its not
  gonna be me, thats for sure!

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Group three, setting the stage

• Our office worker for the week came into the
  classroom with a slip of paper in her hand. She
  handed it to Mrs. -------our teacher, saying
  these students need to report to the principals
  office. Mrs ------ immediately looked very
  serious. Gazing around the room to find the
  chosen ones, we all slid down in our seats to
  try to hide.

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• You, you, you, and you, need to report to the
  principals office immediately.

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• The six of us looked at each other wondering
  what we had done. Chastity whispered nervously
  Shelby, I am so scared.
• Dont worry, Chastity. Youll live.
• Guys, what do you think were in for, Amy
  stammered.
• Never fear, Wesleys here!
• Oh yeah, I feel really protected, Dalton
  announced sarcastically.

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Group four, setting the scene

• Our class was working quietly when suddenly
  there was an announcement over the intercom.
• Excuse the interruption. The following
  students need to come to the office. Wesley,
  Shelby, Chastity, Dalton, William and Amy.

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• We stopped at the door and William knocked
  gently.
• Nobody answered.
• He knocked again. Harder this time.
• Just a moment guys, we heard a voice say on
  the other side of the door.
• After what seemed like an hour, the door opened
  and we were shocked to see our parents standing
  in a line behind the principals big desk.

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Two together
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Reflection

• How did examining writers craft in the scene
  from Mrs Pratchetts revenge help you in your
  writing?
• How does adding dialog, description and action
  help a writer to show-not-tell?

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References

• Adapted from the work of
• Lynne R. Dorfman _at_ Rose Cappelli in Mentor Texts
• Lucy Calkins Units of Study for Primary Writing
• by Jennifer Bernhard
• Clark County Schools
• Jennifer.bernhard_at_clark.kyschool.us