Stylish Sentences

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Stylish Sentences

• Chapter 15 Scott, Foresman Handbook

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Agent/Action Sentences

• Clear subjects performing strong actions
• Make people, rather than abstract ideas, the
  agents of your sentences
• Knowledge about womens health is inadequate
  worldwide because the isolated position of women
  in some non-Western cultures makes it difficult
  for researchers to accumulate data about them.
• Medical researchers know too little about womens
  health because in some non-Western cultures most
  women lead isolated lives, so gathering
  information about them is difficult.
• An unexpected donation of 1 million made by a
  prominent local banker who had once played Hamlet
  gave the actors reason to celebrate.
• A prominent local banker who had once played
  Hamlet made a 1 million contribution, giving
  actors reason to celebrate.

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Action/Agent Sentences II

• Strong trepidation was felt by Alexa about her
  first college research paper.
• Alexa felt strong trepidation about her first
  research paper.
• The experience of playing Horatio in a college
  production of Hamlet had been influential in
  convincing President Brown of the value of
  performing arts.
• President Brown played Horatio in a college
  production of Hamlet, and the experience
  convinced him of the value of performing arts.

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Verbs with Oomph

• Avoid dull verbs and tired verb phrases
• Many older students are in a state of confusion
  when they are confronted with the first texts,
  syllabi, and assignments they have seen in a
  decade or more.
• Many older students are bewildered when they
  encounter texts, syllabi, and assignments for the
  first time in ten years.
• Negative attitudes about the opportunities for
  older students are in the process of being
  rethought by college administrations that have
  managed to take this issue seriously.
• College administrators who have seriously
  considered this issue are reevaluating
  opportunities for older students.

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Verbs with Oomph II

• Malls and markets always manage to irritate me
  when they start to display Christmas
  paraphernalia immediately after Halloween.
• Malls and market irritate me when they display
  Christmas paraphernalia immediately after
  Halloween.
• Some groups who are in opposition to the death
  penalty believe that there is doubt about its
  morality.
• Some groups who oppose the death penalty doubt
  its morality.

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Faulty Predication

• Make sure the subject can do what the verb
  demands
• Ellens pleasure in gardening yearned for a
  bigger yard.
• Ellens pleasure in gardening made her yearn for
  a bigger yard.
• Fewer than half a million tourists a year inhabit
  the 800,000 acres of Big Bend National Park.
• Fewer than half a million tourists a year visit
  the 800,000 acres of Big Bend National Park.

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Faulty Predication II

• Hundreds of miles from any city or large
  municipal airport, Big Bend endeavors an
  experience of pristine isolation unlike that of
  busier parks, such as Zion or Yellowstone.
• Hundreds of miles from any city or large
  municipal airport, Big Bend provides an
  experience of pristine isolation unlike that of
  busier parks, such as Zion or Yellowstone.
• The narrative structure of Peggy Lees song
  begins as a child and continues through her adult
  life.
• The narrative structure of Peggy Lees song
  follows a womans life from childhood to
  adulthood.

8
Cut to be verbs

• There was an inclination to protest among local
  restaurateurs when the city decided to increase
  the number of health inspectors.
• Local restaurateurs wanted to protest when the
  city
• It had been the determination of city officials,
  however, that many restaurants were not in a
  state of compliance with local health ordinances.
• City officials determined, however, that many
  restaurants ignored local health ordinances.

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Cut to be Verbs II

• The repeated failure of several restaurants to
  pass routine inspections has been the focus of a
  recent series of newspaper editorials.
• A recent series of newspaper editorials has
  focused on the repeated failure of several
  restaurants to pass routing inspections.
• It was the hope of both politicians and
  restaurateurs that there would be a quick
  solution to this embarrassing problem.
• Both politicians and restaurateurs hoped to solve
  this embarrassing problem quickly.

10
Avoid passive voice

• Note that this is functionally the same as
  writing action/agent sentences AND avoiding to
  be verbs.
• The writing of research papers is traditionally
  dreaded by students everywhere.
• Students everywhere traditionally dread writing
  research papers.
• When conventional topics are chosen by
  researchers, apathy is likely to be experienced
  by them and their readers alike.
• When researchers choose conventional topics, they
  often bore themselves and their readers.

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Achieving Clarity Abstract Words

• Avoid abstract words
• It is important to recognize that just as we can
  learn from knowledge about the efficacy of
  alternate bargaining structures, we can also
  benefit from knowledge of alternative approaches
  to welfare and employment prejudices.
• We should recognize that just as learning more
  about how groups bargain in other countries is
  valuable, learning more about how they handle
  welfare and unemployment also benefits us.

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Achieving Clarity abstract words II
Classify each word as either abstract or concrete.
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Achieving Clarity State Your Ideas Positively

• Do we have the right not to be victims of violent
  crime?
• It is not unlikely that I will attend the
  conference.
• It would not be awful if you never turned a paper
  in late.
• The remark wasnt exactly the kind I would not
  ever repeat to my mother.
• Would it ever not be inappropriate not to say
  hello to a former spouse?

14
Condense Sprawling Phrases

• Regardless of the fact that Michael graduated
  from the police academy just last year, he had
  the swagger of a seasoned officer.
• At this point in time, the committee hasnt
  convened.

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Condense Sprawling Phrases II

• On the occasion of the newspapers seventy-fifth
  anniversary, the governor visited the editorial
  offices.
• Regardless of the fact that I have revised my
  speech 3 times, I still dont like my conclusion.
• In the modern American society in which we live
  today, many people still attend church regularly.
• By virtue of the fact that flood insurance rates
  are so high, many people go uninsured, risking
  their property.
• Until such time as the city council changes the
  ordinance, For Sale signs arent legal in
  residential neighborhoods.

16
Cut nominalizations

• It is a matter of disputation among sociologists
  whether the gentrification of urban neighborhoods
  is a beneficial process to inner-city residents.
• Given the poor salability of some products,
  manufacturers often have to make offerings of
  rebates.
• The utilization of appropriate documentation will
  achieve a maximization of accountability,
  assuring prioritization and ultimate finalization
  of our budgetary requisitions.

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Eliminate Surplus Intensifiers

• The Grand Canyon is a quite unique geological
  treasure in northwestern Arizona, basically
  formed by the relentless power of the Colorado
  River cutting a gorge for many, many eons through
  solid rock. Standing at the edge of the canyon
  is a totally awesome experience. The canyon
  walls drop far into the depths, thousands of
  feet, a seriously deep drop, exposing very
  different layers of limestone, sandstone, and
  volcanic rock. These really magnificent canyons
  recede into the distance like ancient castles, an
  absolutely remarkable panorama of color and show.