EFFECTS OF HOMOPHOBIA:

1
EFFECTS OF HOMOPHOBIA

• Parents

2
PARENTS RESPONSES

• Total acceptance, find out more information, join
  FFLAG, provide support and understanding,
  challenge societal homophobia.
• Total rejection, thrown out, never speak to them
  ever again.
• Initial shock, create a scene and threaten their
  child not to tell anyone else eventually come
  round to some level of tolerance however, they
  never talk about the issue again.
• Some purposefully denigrate homosexuality in the
  hope that this will stop their child being gay.
• Some go to great lengths to stop their children
  meeting other gay young people.
• Some go to extreme lengths to try and change
  their child, which is impossible.

3
GALYIC NAT FINDINGS

• 62 out to both parents/carers
• 22 not out to both of their parents
• 16 out to one parent/carer
• 29 fully accepted by both parents
• 65 mixed response, i.e. one parent accepting,
  other either rejecting or half accepting and half
  rejecting
• 6 refused to accept

4
FATHERS RESPONSE

• 62 out to their fathers
• 61 fully accepted
• 19 refused to accept
• 19 half accepted and half refused to accept them

5
POSITIVE Fine Not bother him He accepts
that I am what I am Jokes about it Always
said got one of each, a son, a daughter and one
in-between
6
MIXED Quiet to begin with Now ok Don't
think he's that bothered but disappointed family
name not continue Let mum explain but now
fine
7
NEGATIVE It's wrong I'm his youngest daughter
- he doesn't want to think of me in that way
Doesn't take any interest Unhappy about it
Probably finds me disappointment Disown me
Doesn't like it overt but doesn't make an
issue of it Pretends it doesn't happen
Take it badly Don't think he'd like it.
Step dad Because I'm gay, he says that he
wishes that I was never born
8
MOTHERS RESPONSE

• 76 out to their mothers
• 47 fully accepted
• 21 refused to accept them
• 32 half accepted and half refused to accept

9
POSITIVE Cool from start Fine, doesn't mind,
not one of the important things Wouldn't
care as long as happy Supports me, worries it
might single me out Think she's always known
She's very supportive and is not bothered that
I'm gay Fine, it's who you are, still love
you, not going to change She's proud I'm
happy with myself and meeting friends
10
MIXED Shocked at first but as long as I'm happy
she's okay Accepts but hard to get head round
it sometimes At first refused, wants gran
kids. Ok now. Getting used to it - knowing I'm
still me Indifferent She seems to be ok
with it, but sometimes doesn't talk about it
She's fine with it as long as its not in the
public eye. Accepts my partner Love me no
matter what, but I think she always imagined I'd
marry my boyhood girlfriend Now don't think
it makes any difference to her, at all Shocked
at first but not throw me out
11
NEGATIVE Not like me being gay but I'm her
daughter. Not like me talking about anything to
do with gays Rather I wasn't but not force me
to change like she tried to at first Not even
want to think about it Homophobic Unhappy
about it Gender homophobic If you are
born that way it's mine and your dad's fault
Ignore it and hope it will go away Thinks
it's a phase and I'll grow out of it She
won't like it She doesn't really accept it
Ok with it, but doesn't want others to know
Ok with everyone else being gay, except me
At times supportive, but sometimes has
reservations She would like me to meet a
girl, so that she would have grandchildren
12
Self-Harm v Attempted Suicide

• Parental rejection or non-acceptance appears to
  have played a crucial part in pushing GALYIC
  members from self-harm to attempted suicide.

13
Parental Abuse

• We need more information but it seems that LGBT
  young people are more vulnerable to abuse whilst
  growing up this includes
• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Emotional abuse

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EFFECTS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE

• anxiety or depression
• eating disorders
• isolation and withdrawal from others
• low self-esteem and confidence
• children may run away from home
• aggressive behaviour
• drug or alcohol abuse
• insomnia and
• suicidal thoughts or attempts

15
Emotional Abuse Definition 1 (Janes Sexual
Assault Survivor Support Network)

• Emotional abuse includes acts such as
• restriction of movement,
• patterns of belittling,
• denigrating,
• scapegoating,
• threatening,
• scaring,
• discriminating,
• ridiculing or
• other non-physical forms of hostile or rejecting
  treatment.

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Emotional Abuse Definition 2 (Breaking the
Silence)

• Defines emotional abuse as
• A pattern of behaviour that impairs a child's
  emotional development or sense of self-worth.
  This may include constant criticism, threats, or
  rejection, as well as withholding love, support,
  or guidance.

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Emotional Abuse Definition 3 (NSPCC)

• Define emotional abuse as when a parent or
  carer behaves in a way that is likely to
  seriously affect their child's emotional
  development. It can range from constant rejection
  and denial of affection, through to continual
  severe criticism, deliberate humiliation and
  other ways of verbally terrorising a child.
  The NSPCC add, All children need acceptance,
  love, encouragement, discipline, consistency and
  positive attention from their parents. Children
  who are denied these things often grow up
  thinking they are deficient in some way and that
  they somehow deserved to be treated badly.

18
Emotional Abuse Definition 4 (Department of
Health)

• Emotional abuse is the persistent emotional
  ill-treatment of a child such as to cause severe
  and persistent adverse effects on the child's
  emotional development. It may involve conveying
  to children that they are worthless or unloved,
  inadequate

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Exercise

• Three case studies
• Take it in turn to read them, discuss the
  situations and identify whether emotional abuse
  has taken place.
• What could we do to support parents/carers in
  these situations?

20
Resources Books

• Coming Out to Parents A Two-Way Survival Guide
  for Lesbians and Gay Men and their Parents, Mary
  V. Borhek, The Pilgrim Press, 1983.
• A Stranger in the Family...how to cope if your
  child is gay, Terry Sanderson, The Other Way
  Press, 1991.
• My Child is Gay, how parents react when they hear
  the news, edited by Bryce McDougall, Allen
  Unwin, 1998.
• Now That You Know, what every parent should know
  about homosexuality, Betty Fairchild Nancy
  Hayward, Harcourt Brace, 1989.
• When Your Child Comes Out, Ann Lovell, Sheldon
  Press, 1995.

21
Resources DVDs

• Out to the Family, Leeds Animation Workshop six
  scenarios of young people coming out to their
  families GALYIC helped develop this DVD and we
  have some copies or contact Leeds Animation
  Workshop.
• For the Bible Tells Me So American film
  documentary following the lives of several
  religious families who discovered their child was
  lesbian or gay. Available through Amazon.
• Adopted The Movie a documentary DVD about
  trans-racial adopted children. There are many
  similarities between the experiences of these
  children being brought up in white families and
  LGBT young people being brought up in
  heterosexual families. Watching aspects of this
  DVD can help parents to understand their children
  better www.adoptedthemovie.com