Week 12

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Week 12

• Handling Complexity

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Handling Complexity

• Remember some clarity principles
• Place your subject and verb as close to the
  beginnings of sentences as you can.
• Get to the subject quickly
• Get to the verb quickly
• Avoid interruptions between subject and verb

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For Example Get to the subject quickly...

• Before
• Since most undergraduate students change their
  fields of study at least once during their
  college careers, many more than once, first-year
  students who are not certain about their program
  of studies should not load up their schedules to
  meet requirements for a particular program.

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For Example Get to the subject quickly...

• After
• Most undergraduates change their majors at least
  once during their college careers, so first-year
  students should avoid loading up their schedules
  with requirements for a particular program if
  they are uncertain about the program they want to
  pursue.

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Better Still

• After
• Most undergraduates change their majors at least
  once during their college careers. As a result,
  first-year students should avoid loading up their
  schedules with requirements for a particular
  program if they are uncertain about the program
  they want to pursue.

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For Example Revise Long Subjects...

• Before
• Abscam Inc.s understanding of the drivers of
  its profitability in the Midwest market for small
  electronics helped it pursue opportunities on the
  West Coast.

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For Example Revise Long Subjects...

• After
• Abscam Inc. pursued opportunities on the West
  Coast because the company understood what drove
  profitability in the Midwest market for
  electronics.

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For Example Remove Interruptions between
Subjects and Verbs

• Before
• Some scientists, because they write in a style
  that is impersonal and objective, do not easily
  communicate with laypeople.

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For Example Remove Interruptions between
Subjects and Verbs

• After
• Some scientists do not easily communicate with
  laypeople because they write in a style that is
  impersonal and objective.

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Complexity Principle 1

• 1. Remove interruptions between verbs and
  objects.

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For exampleBefore

• We must develop, if we are to become competitive
  with other companies in our region, a core of
  knowledge regarding the state of the art in
  operationally effective industrial organizations.

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For exampleAfter

• We must develop knowledge of the state of the
  art in effective industrial organizations if we
  are to compete with other companies in our
  region.

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Complexity Principle 2

• 2. Introduce your readers to longer and more
  complicated clauses or phrases after the
  subject-verb-object in sentences.

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Complexity Tip

• If you have lots of clauses in a sentence, try
  turning one or more clauses into a new sentence.

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Complexity Tip For example...

• Of the many areas of science important to our
  future, few are more promising than genetic
  engineering, which is a new way of manipulating
  the elemental structural units of life itself,
  which are the genes and chromosomes that tell our
  cells how to reproduce to become the parts that
  constitute our bodies.

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Complexity Tip For example...

• Many areas of science are important to our
  future, but few are more promising than genetic
  engineering. This science studies the
  manipulation of the elemental structural units of
  life itself, the genes and chromosomes that tell
  our cells how to reproduce to become the parts
  that constitute our bodies.

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Complexity Tip

• If youre adding a series of phrases or
  clauses, list them in order of length shortest
  first, longest last.
• Ending with a short phrase or clause after a
  series of longer phrases or clauses can make a
  sentence seem to end abruptly.

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For Example...

• We ended the day with a recall of the weeks
  events the days spent digging ditches, swatting
  at plane-sized mosquitoes, squinting into driving
  rain, and sweating.

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For Example...

• We ended the day with a recall of the weeks
  events the days spent sweating, digging ditches,
  swatting at plane-sized mosquitoes, and squinting
  into driving rain.

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Complexity Problems

• 1. Faulty coordination
• 2. Misplaced modifiers

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Faulty Coordination

• Think like with like.
• Pair clauses with clauses, phrases with phrases
• Poor coordination is otherwise known as faulty
  parallelism

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Faulty Coordination

• For example
• We concerned ourselves with sweeping out the
  dead leaves, flushing the toilets, and laundry.
• We concerned ourselves with sweeping out the
  dead leaves, flushing the toilets, and doing
  piles of laundry.

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Faulty Coordination

• Obscures relationships between elements in
  sentences.
• Risks readers misreading meaning.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• With dangling modifiers, the introductory
  phrase doesnt refer to the grammatical subject.
• Walking up Fifth Avenue, the Empire State
  Building came into view.
• Translation The Empire State Building is
  walking up Fifth Avenue.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• Corrected versions
• While we were walking up Fifth Avenue, the Empire
  State Building came into view.
• Walking up Fifth Avenue, we saw the Empire State
  Building come into view.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• Poor placement of other modifiers simply
  obscures the word or phrase being modified.
• Scientists have learned that their observations
  are as subjective as those in any other field in
  recent years.
• What does in recent years refer to?

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Misplaced Modifiers

• Corrected versions
• In recent years scientists have learned that
  their observations are as subjective as those in
  any other field.
• Scientists have learned that their observations
  are as subjective in recent years as those in any
  other field.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• Spot the misplaced modifiers
• 1. Upon entering the doctors office, a
  skeleton caught my attention.
• 2. Deciding to join the Navy, the recruiter
  enthusiastically pumped Matts hand.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• Spot the misplaced modifiers
• 1. Upon entering the doctors office, a
  skeleton caught my attention.
• 2. Deciding to join the Navy, the recruiter
  enthusiastically pumped Matts hand.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 3. At the age of ten, my parents took me on my
  first balloon ride.
• 4. The manuscript was discovered at
  Sissinghurst by a Dutch student curled up in
  a drawer.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 3. At the age of ten, my parents took me on my
  first balloon ride.
• 4. The manuscript was discovered at
  Sissinghurst by a Dutch student curled up in
  a drawer.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 5. While working as a ranger in Everglades
  National Park, a Florida panther crossed the
  road in front of my SUV one night.
• 6. Nestled in the cockpit, the pounding of
  the engine was only slightly muffled by my
  helmet.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 5. While working as a ranger in Everglades
  National Park, a Florida panther crossed the
  road in front of my SUV one night.
• 6. Nestled in the cockpit, the pounding of
  the engine was only slightly muffled by my
  helmet.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 7. The exchange students we met for lunch
  occasionally asked us about our latest slang.
• 8. The old Marlboro ads depicted a man on a
  horse smoking a cigarette.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 7. The exchange students we met for lunch
  occasionally asked us about our latest slang.
• 8. The old Marlboro ads depicted a man on a
  horse smoking a cigarette.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 9. By noon, Denae had almost painted the
  entire kitchen.
• 10. The Gross Domestic Product only gives one
  indicator of economic growth.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 9. By noon, Denae had almost painted the
  entire kitchen.
• 10. The Gross Domestic Product only gives one
  indicator of economic growth.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 11. Just twenty new people just volunteered
  just for the sea turtle rescue program just for
  spring.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 11. Just twenty new people just volunteered
  just for the sea turtle rescue program just for
  spring.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 11. A mere twenty people just volunteered just
  for the sea turtle rescue program just for
  spring.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 11. A mere twenty people recently
  volunteered just for the sea turtle rescue
  program just for spring.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 11. A mere twenty people recently
  volunteered exclusively for the sea turtle
  rescue program just for spring.

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Misplaced Modifiers

• 11. A mere twenty people recently
  volunteered exclusively for the sea turtle
  rescue program for spring only.

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Reading

• For more on complexity, see Style, Chapter 8,
  pp. 91-109

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Next week

• Biases in Writing