Parenting in Times of Loss,

1
Chapter 15

• Parenting in Times of Loss,
• Trauma, Disaster, and Violence
• Pages 498 510
• 513 -515
• 528 - 533

2
The Systems Perspective

• The stressful event of one family member affects
  ALL family members
• Difficulty in one area of development can trigger
  difficulties in other areas
• A system of social support helps everyone to cope

3
Illness

• 10 of children have serious or chronic illnesses
• Asthma (4-9) most common
• List of others, p. 501
• Up to 20 or children 5-17 suffer from headaches
• Many more suffer from bowel and stomach pain

4
Illness Sources ofStress for Children

• Childs understanding of their bodies and the
  illness is based on age and development level
• Adults should
• Try to find out what childs ideas are about
  their body and illness
• Give accurate information that the child can
  understand

5
Illness Sources of Stress

• Anxiety and Fear of the Unknown
• Parents should
• Give accurate information about procedure and
  pain
• Procedure serves a good purpose
• Encourage child to talk about feelings
• Provide calming strategies
• Consult pediatric psychologist, if necessary

6
Illness - Sources of Stress

• Guilt
• Children may feel that the illness is a
  punishment
• Parent(s) can reassure child that this is not
  true
• Pain
• Common element in many illnesses
• Adults job to determine
• What started it
• What is keeping it going
• How to relieve it

7
Illness Sources of Stress

• Anger and Irritability, Restrictions and Demands
• Parent(s) should
• Be organized so that tasks can be done
• Control their own emotions
• Listen to and accept childs feelings
• Stay problem-focused
• Engage child in problem-solving
• Entire family can follow restrictions of the
  child who is ill when possible

8
Sources of Stress for Parents..Strategies
forCoping

• Sources listed on p. 504
• Ways of coping
• Clear and effective communication
• Expressing fears and concerns
• Listening to others
• Problem-solving
• Organization
• Other strategies listed on p. 505
• Research indicates that the mother is often the
  key

9
Death in the Family

• When a parent or child dies, nothing is the
  same. p. 505
• Bowlbys 4 phases of grief process
• 1.Period of numbness
• Doesnt accept the death emotionally
• 2.Period of protest and yearning
• Refuses to accept the death
• 3.Period of sadness and despair
• Accepts death, but is devastated
• 4.Period of reorganization of life
• How to go on without the person

10
Death- Childrens Special Needs

• Talking to Children
• Give accurate information in words the child can
  understand
• This is the beginning of the conversation that
  will last for years
• Not necessary to wait for child to ask questions
• Adults may have to initiate the conversation
• Be aware that child might blame themselves
• Reassure them that this is not true

11
Death-Childrens Special Needs

• Ways Childrens Reactions Differ from Adults
• 1.More physical in their expressions of grief
• 2.Less verbal may use play or actions
• 3.Express their anger more directly
• 4.May be more attuned to parents needs and
  feelings than parents realize
• 5.Needs break from grieving
• Live in the moment

12
Death-Childrens Special Needs

• Helping Children Grieve
• Create a supportive emotional climate
• Give accurate age-appropriate information
• Reassure the child that they will be nurtured and
  cared for
• Include children in the family and/or religious
  rituals
• Get input from children about dispersal of dead
  persons possessions
• Express your grief in front of the children
• Have a role for all family members in the
  observances of the death

13
Death-Parents Special Needs

• The untimely death of a young parent or child
  violates our sense of order and arouses fears
• Parents need as much support and love as their
  young children
• Each parent needs their own support system, as
  well as the support of the other
• Other helpful strategies, p. 509

14
Child Maltreatment

• Family violence and child maltreatment
  particularly damaging because it is done by those
  who should protect children
• Cichetti and Lynch suggest a ecological/transactio
  nal model
• Interaction between 3 factors shapes childs
  development
• 1. Childs characteristics
• 2. Caregivers characteristics
• 3. The environment

15
Child Maltreatment

• Bronfenbrenners System
• Violence and abuse children experience may be
  viewed on several levels
• Macrosystem cultural beliefs promote violence
  and abuse
• Belief in spanking
• Force is an acceptable way to settle problems
• Rights of adults to treat children as property

16
Child Maltreatment

• Bronfenbrenners
• Exosystem agencies, institutions, and social
  structures
• Absence of supervised play areas or activities
• Families with children living in poverty
• Lack of support systems for parents/families

17
Child Maltreatment

• Bronfenbrenners.
• Microsystem daily interactions with siblings,
  parents, peers, and teachers
• Parenting practices can be influenced by parents
  own abuse
• Most parents who were abused DO NOT abuse their
  children
• Childrens own characteristics
• Gender boys more likely to be physically
  abused, girls sexually abused
• Age peaks between 3 and 8

18
Child Maltreatment

• Bronfenbrenners
• Ontogenic how the child develops as an
  individual
• Ciccetti and Lynch
• 5 Likely problem areas following abuse
• 1. Attachment relationship with parent(s)
• 2. Regulation of emotion
• 3. Self-concept
• 4. Peer relationships
• 5. Adaptation to school and learning

19
Child Maltreatment

• Ciccetti and Lynch interventions
• Microsystem
• Helping individual children and families
• Exosystem helping parents and children reach
  out to social agencies
• Service to and training for parents
• Identification and help to high-risk families

20
Child Maltreatment

• Ciccetti and Lynch interventions
• Macorosystem changing societys views of
  violence and sexuality
• Giving all parents training in childrearing
  strategies
• Providing parent training in middle and high
  school
• Research seems to indicate that all levels of
  intervention are necessary to help children and
  prevent the recurrence

21
COMMON THREADS andCommon Effects p. 513

• Major forms of abuse are not so much separate
  problems as several different ways children
  experience violence and trauma in a family
  setting. p. 513
• Children respond in many ways to trauma
• Different kinds of trauma lead to similar
  problems
• All forms of abuse are associated with
  difficulties in
• Emotional control
• Relationships with adults and peers
• Self-concept
• School adjustment

22
Common Threads

• Common response in some children is
  post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Definition and symptoms, p. 514
• Physical abuse
• Made a significant contribution to childrens
  behavior problems beyond that of low income or
  negative life events
• Is associated with problems with peer
  relationships
• May lead to distorted view of how people relate
  to each other

23
Intervention and Prevention

• Main forms of helpful intervention
• Providing increased emotional support for mothers
  and families to prevent abuse
• Helping mothers establish more positive
  attachments with children
• Helping children find activities and
  relationships that give them more positive views
  of themselves.

24
PREVENTION OF VIOLENCE p. 528

• to solve the problem of violence, we need to
  transform our culture.
• One approach view violence (injury from
  firearms) as a public health problem not a
  criminal one
• Focus on preventing and reducing injuries and
  deaths from firearms

25
Prevention

• Change content of media media violence
  contributes to
• Increased aggressive behavior and willingness to
  use violence
• Acceptance of violence as a normal part of life
• Belief that the world is mean so people are
  more fearful

26
Prevention

• Families can
• Watch TV and discuss programs with children
• Ask for school courses on being a critical TV
  viewer
• Work to make childrens TV less violent

27
THE CHALLENGE MODEL OF THERAPY

• View difficult situations as opportunities that
  promote development
• 7 Resiliencies that help people rebound from
  difficulties, p. 529
• 1.Insight asking yourself tough questions and
  giving honest answers
• 2.Independence drawing boundaries
• 3.Relationships building good ties to other
  people

28
Challenge Model

• Resiliencies
• 4.Initiative taking charge of problems
• 5.Creativity imposing order, beauty, and
  purpose on the chaos
• 6.Humor finding the light side
• 7.Morality developing an informed conscience

29
Practical Questions How Can We Keep Children
Safe.?

• Helping children to be aware of danger and use
  caution doesnt mean making children fearful
• Develop and discuss a set of instructions for
  dangerous situations
• Review them often
• Revise them when necessary

30
Keeping Children Safe

• Have clear safety rules on
• 1.Behavior for fire in the home
• 2.Traffic behavior
• 3.Boundaries for where a child can go alone and
  where an adult needs to accompany them
• 4.Behavior in public with strangers
• 5.Behavior at home if strangers telephone or come
  to the home

31
Keeping Children Safe

• 6.Behavior when the child is a victim or witness
  to muggings by peers or adults
• 7.Behavior when sexual misconduct happens
• 8.Not in text use of internet
• Parents reactions to children who are victims is
  important
• 1.Listen calmly
• 2.Use I messages and active listening
• 3Help them take constructive action
• Work with others on issues of safety