Relationships

1
Relationships

• Love, Marriage, the 2nd shift

2
Prelude to Relationships

• Childhood sex cleavage avoid the other sex
  (Cooties)
• Adolescence form same-sex intimate friendships
• Girls more support, more self-disclosing, more
  time w/ friends

3
Cross-sex Friendships

• Less common
• Can help w/ insider perspectives
• Sensitize each other to communication style
  differences
• Feminine men, masculine women more cross-sex
  friendships

4
Love Relationships

• In America, we need romantic love
• 90 of us think its a must
• Here, we love then marry
• Collectivist cultures/arranged marriages
• Marry, then love

5
Marriage

• 1990 ever-married females 81
• Dropped to 79 by 2002
• Males 74 to 72
• Median age at lst marriage 25.3 women, 27.1 men

6
Happiness

• Both men and women are happier when married
• Marrieds are healthier, mentally physically
• Lowers risky/antisocial beh
• Increases financial stability success

7
How do we meet marry?

• Mutual friends 35
• Coworker/classmate/neighbor 13
• Introduced by family member 15
• Self introduction 32

8
Short-term Sex Partners

• self introduction 47
• Mutual friends 37
• Coworker/classmate/neighbor 9
• Family members 3

9
Cohabitating

• 93 of Women born 1933-1942 married without
  living w/ partner
• Divorce rate? 1/5
• 64 of women born 1963-1974 married after living
  w/ partner
• Divorce rate? about 1/2

10
Lesbian Marriage

• Lesbians very likely to be in marriage-like
  relationships
• Approx.75 of Lesbians in committed relationships
• More equalitarian in household roles

11
Sternbergs Theory of Love

• 3 aspects
• 1. passion
• 2. intimacy
• 3. commitment

12
What happens to passion?

• After 2 years, it fades
• Love settles into companionate love about then or
• We divorce and seek new passion

13
U.S. attachment to Passionate love

• Probably responsible for divorce rate
• Highest in the World
• 66 of those 35-54 divorced, separated, or close
  to separation

14
Does modeling matter?

• Probably
• Women whose parents
• --divorced, 43 get divorced w/in 10 years
• -- stayed together 29 get divorced

15
Divorce for children

• 50 will see parents break up
• Of these, about half will see 2nd marriage break
  up
• 10 will see 3 or more family break ups

16
More likely to stay married if

• No cohabitation or pregnancy
• Over 24 years old
• Dated a long time
• Are well similarly educated
• Are of similar age, faith, education

17
Age matters

• Married
• Married 25 24 divorce

18
OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS

• Friends of mine
• Married at 17 16 pregnant, still married after
  42 years
• Married after knowing each other 6 weeks, still
  married after 33 years
• Married after knowing each other 1 week, still
  married after 32 years

19
Is divorce good for women?

• Women more likely to break up relationships,
  marriages
• Then, womens economic lifestyle drops 45
• 20-33 wind up in poverty

20
What about divorced men?

• 42 GAIN in standard of living
• 20 of men comply fully with paying for children
• 15 pay irregularly
• About ¼ dont see their children at all

21
Suicide Divorce

• Divorced men (but not widowed or single men) 2.5
  times more likely to commit suicide
• Women no change

22
Women and domestic violence

• Dating or cohabitating women report 3x as many
  violent arguments
• Single or divorced women are 4-5x as likely to be
  violent crime victims.

23
What about the kids?

• Not much says divorce is good for them
• More than 2x as likely to drop out
• Poor school outcomes generally
• Teens who murder, 75 from broken homes

24
Fatherless homes-correlations

• 63 of youth suicides
• 90 of homeless runaways
• 85 of children w/ behavior problems
• 71 of high school dropouts
• 85 of youth in prison

25
What about stepfamilies?

• Boys in stepfamilies are 3x as likely to have
  committed a crime or gone to jail
• Children are 5x as likely to be sexually abused
• 40x more likely to be the victims of nonfatal
  child abuse
• 100x more likely to be a fatality in child abuse.

26
What keeps us together?

• Equity in the marriage
• So, guys do more housework
• Women 2-3x more housework than men

27
In general, he chooses

• what he wants to do (his contribution not
  assigned)
• Women locked into chores that must be done on
  schedule

28
Higher status women

• Have sticky houses or
• Hire outside labor

29
Divorced men

• Increase housework by 4.5 hours a week
• Reduce it by cohabitating or getting married by 3
  hours a week
• Women? Reverse that.

30
Add children

• Men add no housework time per child (do more
  child care)
• Women add 3 hours of housework per child and
  additional child care