Title: Children with special needs: Unpacking how mothers and fathers construct their roles to care for a c
1- Children with special needs Unpacking how
mothers and fathers construct their roles to care
for a child with a chronic health condition
Ted McNeill Ph.D., RSW., John Beaton Ph.D., Gert
Montgomery MSW, RSW., David Nicholas Ph.D.,
RSW. Father Involvement Research 2008 Toronto,
CANADA
2Addressing gaps in knowledge
- We lack a detailed understanding of the gestalt
of couples experiences - We talk about family systems theory but our
knowledge is more about individuals - e.g., patient, mother, sibling(s), father
- We need to move from silhouette of partner to
explicit understanding of fit with the partner
3For example
- If caring for a child with a chronic health
condition is a catalyst for more meaningful
involvement for fathers, then what does that look
like in the context of the parenting
relationship? - For mothers who feel burdened due to providing
the majority of the childs care, what is the
relationship like with the father? - For mothers whose identity is closely linked to
her role as a caregiver, how much of a role is
available for fathers? - These questions suggest that a relational focus
would be a useful lens to help understand the
individual roles and experiences of mothers and
fathers.
4Methodology
- Grounded theory study
- Goal is an explanation of parents experiences,
roles, identities, etc. - Theoretical sampling strategy ? parents of
children with spina bifida, cerebral palsy,
juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and a few other
chronic conditions - 20 couple interviews
- 10 individual interviews (5 couples)
5Description of sample
- Diverse sample
- 45 identified with a particular ethno racial
community (i.e., non dominant culture) - Average age mid 40s
- Education ranged from elementary school to
professional degrees - Family income ranged from lt 20K to gt 100K
Average income 62K - 75 had 2 children 20 had 3 5 had 4
6Results Shared experiences
- Life is a real struggle for many of the families
in this study - Worries for their child (day to day care, stigma,
childs future) - Feeling different from other families and
striving for normality - Managing childs care and looking after other
children - Financial strains
- Balancing work inside and outside the home
- Less individual and couple time
7Parenting configurations
- In most families (15/20), the mother was more
involved inside the home and the father worked
more hours outside the home
8Results
- Key concepts for understanding the parenting
roles - Complementarity (i.e., specialization)
- Symmetry (both have required skills)
- Key domains caregiving, household management,
and breadwinning -
9Complementarity
- Usually there has to be one who is strong. I
mean like tough and strong and one who gives
love. It cant be both. - The heart and the brain.
10Complementarity
- I What do you do every day with your child? What
are the daily routines? - F My wife can tell you better.
11Complementary with shared values
- Anyway, I think we represent the two sides of
parenting but we have the same values.
12Symmetry
- I So its sort of like you both can do it all,
you tag off back and forth? - M Yeah. Hes just as good as I am.
13Symmetrical Relationship
- "I want my kids to see that in todays society
its not just the traditional breadwinner, its
the caregiving also because you need both, I
think you need both as a parent."
14Shared caregiving
- I Caregiving is sometimes more associated with
the roles of mothers and women. What are your
thoughts on this as you parent your child? - F I think its a pile of crap.
15Integration of gender identities
- "I look at this really as a balance. A balance of
the male and the female. Whether you are male or
female, the challenge is to get that balance
within yourself. Quite often in relationships
people are looking to the other person to fulfill
that aspect of themselves, which is kind of like
a crutch. Its depending on that other person to
fill your need and really, I think what were
discovering is that we have both.
16Complementarity AND Symmetry
- Most couples combine elements of complementary
and symmetrical parenting. - Not either/or but elements of both a continuum
17 Parenting roles Complementary and/or
Symmetrical
Domains (Caregiving, household management and
breadwinning)
Complementary (specialized roles)
Symmetrical (shared roles)
Combined (some specialized AND shared
roles)
18Adaptation
- There is not just one model for success.
19The emerging model
- Labels such as traditional, transitional, or
egalitarian do not do justice to multiple
influences that come together to shape the
parenting relationship - Adaptation is idiosyncratic, relative, practical
and reflects what works for the couple - Current state reflects best available choice(s)
- Success takes different forms at different
stages of the relationship
20Influential factors
- Multiple factors shape parenting roles and
experiences -
- gt Child factors and health condition
- gt Individual parent qualities and characteristics
- gt Relational factors child, couple, extended
family, friends - gt Gender norms and identities
- gt Culture
- gt Religion and spirituality
- gt Social resources, work, social norms, etc.
21Relational Adaptation Model for Co-Parents
Social And Contextual Factors
Individual Biology Birth order Gender
identity Strengths Preferences F of O
experience Etc.
Social Culture Religion Spirituality Work Resource
s Friends Discourses Etc.
Developmental
Individual
Adaptational Processes
Parents' Experience Roles
Values and Meaning
Child Age, sex Health condition Care
needs Severity/prognosis Characteristics Etc.
Relational Couple factors Extended family SES
factors Etc.
(3) Extended Family
(1) Child/Parent
Relational
(2) Couple
Social And Contextual Factors
Time
22Adaptational processes and factors for success
- Flexibility
- Response ability
- Communication and problem solving
- Meaningful emotional connection (us)
- Shared meaning and values
- Negotiation of roles (implicit/explicit)
- Adequate social support (targeted to need)
23Attributes of success and satisfaction
- Balance
- Fairness
- Choice and fit for each individual
- What works for the couple
24Notion of GOOD ENOUGH
- For most in the study, the parenting
configuration was not perfect but was good
enough - But there is a tipping point when it is no
longer good enough... - Changes in care needs
- Loss of sense of mutuality or fairness
- Work changes
- Availability of social support
- Leads to conflict, dissatisfaction,
disengagement
25Conclusions
- One size does not fit all ? successful parenting
configurations may take different forms at
different stages of the relationship - Complementarity and symmetry are useful concepts
for understanding how parents work out their
roles - A multifactorial model is needed to understand
the complexity and range of factors that
influence parenting roles and identities
26 Conclusions contd
- One parents story about the relationship is
insufficient to understand the total gestalt - More father (or mother) involvement isnt
necessarily better it must work in the
context of the couple relationship - Parenting roles and behaviour are best
understood within the context of the couple
relationship
27Conclusions contd
- Successful parenting configurations may take
different forms at different stages of the
relationship depending on childs age, gender,
care needs, etc. - Regardless of how couples divided their roles and
responsibilities, satisfied parents had shared
goals and parenting philosophies. - In symmetrical arrangements, parents may have
primary or secondary roles regarding specific
functions depending on time, preference, skill,
etc.
28Conclusions contd
- For most couples, the parenting configuration was
not perfect but was good enough, but there was
a tipping point that led to conflict for some
couples. - For couples who were dissatisfied with their
parenting arrangement, division of labour,
disagreements about parenting goals and
philosophy, and lack of a meaningful emotional
us were identified as key factors.
29Discussion