Better Communication for Couples (Part 1): What to Do When Your Partner Gets Defensive

1
Better Communication for Couples (Part 1) What
to Do When Your Partner Gets Defensive
2
(No Transcript)
3

• There are a number of things going on when your
  partner gets defensive. You can always send them
  to a therapist! Of course, that might not be the
  best first step! Try this first he or she may
  feel threatened or hurt by what youve said. They
  feel the need to explain their actions because
  they feel that theres been an accusation, and
  they feel its unjust or unfair.
• A less common reason to be defensive is when he
  or she may be hiding something out of fear of
  telling you about it. Theyre afraid youll be
  angry so they may defend their response in an
  attempt to avoid further conflict. Theyre not
  necessarily lying about something but instead
  delaying when they tell you about it.

4

• When your partner is defensive, theyre often
  reacting out of fear. You can help, as a partner,
  ease their concerns with the way you communicate
  with them. How you speak can be just as important
  as what you say.
• Acknowledge the Feelings That Have Come Up
• Its important to express yourself in your
  relationship. Your partner wants to feel heard.
  Let them voice a complaint or defend their
  decision without speaking. When theyre done,
  say, Im sorry that you feel that way. It wasnt
  my intention to upset you. I just thought youd
  like to know how I was feeling.

5

• They dont want to upset you which is often why
  theyve become defensive in the first place.
  Acknowledging their feelings, letting them have
  their say, and apologizing for upsetting them is
  the easiest way to make them feel at ease. It
  allows them to be human, change their behavior,
  and move on without further issues coming up.
• Get to the Heart of the Matter So Resolution
  Takes Place Quickly
• Its not what you say that causes conflict. Its
  often how you say it that does. Learning to be a
  better communicator takes time and practice.
  After a while, however, itll come naturally to
  you. Preventing defensiveness allows you to get
  to the heart of the matter so that resolution
  takes place quickly.

6

• Heart Centered Counseling provides individual
  therapy, marriage or couples counseling and
  family therapy. We offer the best care available
  to those struggling with personal, relational,
  and mental health issues. If you are looking for
  therapist in Fort Collins or psychologist in Fort
  Collins or Greeley, please visit our site
  http//heartcenteredcounselors.com to know more
  about us and how to contact us.