Positive Psychology in Relationships:

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Positive Psychology in Relationships
Social Support and CapitalizationLecture
12July 26, 2007
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What is positive psychology?

• Focus on human strengths
• Good is not simply the opposite of bad
• Good is not simply the absence of bad
• Positive events and negative events have
  independent effects on well-being
• Distinct processes regulating positive and
  negative emotions
• Distinct appetitive (approach) and aversive
  (avoidance) motivational systems

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What is positive psychology?

• Frederickson (1998, 2001) Broaden and build
  theory of positive emotions
• Positive emotions
• Broaden thought-action repertoire
• Build resources (physical, intellectual, social)

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What is positive psychology?

• Close relationships cited as most important
  source of personal happiness
• What do close relationships provide?
• Feelings of intimacy, closeness, understanding
• Support and comfort in response to threat
• Support and encouragement in response to
  challenges
• Laughter, joy, companionship, celebration
• Excitement, discovery, self-expansion
• How do we cultivate these positive features?

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• Capitalization
• Celebrating the good times

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Celebrating the good times

• What do we do when things go right?
• Capitalization (Gable, Reis, Impett Asher,
  2004)
• Social sharing of good news
• Telling others about positive events confers
  added benefit, over and above the event itself
• Talking allows us to relive and re-experience the
  event
• Enhances the accessibility and salience of event
  in memory
• Sharing fosters positive social interactions
• Boosts self-esteem, facilitates positive
  reflected appraisals
• Can enhance feelings of intimacy and closeness

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Celebrating the good times

• The benefits of capitalization will depend on
  your partners response
• Does your partner/friend support your good
  fortune?
• Are they genuinely pleased for you, proud of you?
• Positive response reflects their close tie to you
• Inclusion of other in the self (Aron)
• Basking in the reflected glory (Tesser)
• Positive response reflects their investment in
  your well-being

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Celebrating the good times

• Study 1 (Gable et al., 2004)
• 7-day diary study of college students
• Positive affect, negative affect, life
  satisfaction that day
• Describe most important negative event, most
  important positive event that day
• Did you share this event with others today?
• Results
• On days when people shared positive events
• They reported more positive affect and more life
  satisfaction
• Beyond the importance of the event itself

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Celebrating the good times

• Study 4 (Gable et al., 2004)
• 10-day diary study of college students
• Similar to Study 1
• Did you share the event? With who?
• Persons perceived response to your good news
• Day 11, surprise memory quiz -- try to remember
  as many positive events as you can from your
  diaries

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Celebrating the good times

• Results
• Did people share?
• Yes, 80 of days
• More likely to share important events
• Who did they tell?
• Friend 59
• Romantic partner (if in relationship) 45
• Parent 28
• Roommate 24

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Celebrating the good times

• Results
• Did sharing have benefits? Yes!
• On days when people shared, they had higher
  positive affect and life satisfaction
• The more people you told, the better your
  outcomes
• Did the listeners response matter? Yes!
• The more supportive the response, the more
  positive affect and life satisfaction
• Did sharing enhance memory? Yes!
• Positive events that were shared were better
  remembered (more people told better memory)

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Celebrating the good times

• Gable et al. (2004) Study 2 Self-report study
  of dating couples
• How does your partner typically respond when you
  share good news?
• Constructive
• Active My partner is usually more excited than I
  am
• Passive My partner tries not to make a big deal,
  but is happy
• Destructive
• Active My partner often points out the down
  sides
• Passive My partner often seems disinterested

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• Social Support Taking care of one another

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What is social support?

• Many definitions of social support
• Cobb (1976)
• Information that leads a person to believe that
  he/she is cared for and loved, esteemed, and part
  of a network of mutual obligation
• Perceived vs. received (enacted) support
• Intra-personal vs. inter-personal view of social
  support

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What is social support?

• Two forms of support (Feeney Collins, 2004)
• Interpersonal model of social support in couples,
  based largely on attachment theory
• Safe Haven
• How partners help one another cope with stressful
  life events
• Most of the research on social support has
  focused on this form of support.
• Secure Base
• How partners support one anothers personal
  growth andgoal strivings

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Specific types of support

• Emotional support
• Caring, concern, empathy, reassurance
• Validation, acceptance, understanding
• Esteem support
• Positive regard, confidence
• Reassurance of worth
• Instrumental support
• Task assistance
• Material goods

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Specific types of support

• Informational support
• Advice, guidance
• Network support
• Companionship, shared interests
• Key social ties church, clubs, marriage
• Feeling part of a larger community

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Why is social support important?

• No single relationship can fulfill all support
  needs
• Social support linked to many positive outcomes
• Better mental health
• Better physical health
• Lower incidence of disease
• Better recovery from illness
• Better coping/adaptation to stressful life events
• Better relationship functioning

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Social support in intimate relationships

• Associated with better relationship functioning
• Collins Feeney (2000)
• Laboratory study of support interactions in
  romantic couples
• Happier couples had more supportive interactions
  as rated by both outside observers and both
  members of the couple
• Pasch Bradbury (1998)
• Laboratory study of support interactions in
  married couples
• Longitudinal study
• Social support predicted changes in relationship
  satisfaction independent of conflict

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Effective and ineffective support

• What are the key features of effective support
  (Collins, et al, 2006)?
• Sensitivity
• Providing the type and amount of support that is
  wanted and needed
• Being in sync with your partners needs
• Responsiveness
• Providing support in a way that makes your
  partner feel validated, understood, and cared for

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Effective and ineffective support

• Necessary ingredients for providing sensitiveand
  responsive support
• Skills/abilities
• Empathy, verbal/non-verbal decoding
• Resources
• Emotional/cognitive energy, time
• Motivation
• Sense of responsibility for partners well being
• Altruistic vs. egoistic motivation
• Altruistic promote partners welfare, reduce
  suffering
• Egoistic gain rewards for self or avoid
  sanctions

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Effective and ineffective support

• Providing effective support is not always easy!
• Many pitfalls, even when we have good intentions
• Dismissing or minimizing the problem
• Criticizing or blaming for the problem
• Controlling or providing unwanted advice
• Over-protection, over-involvement
• Making partner feel guilty
• Making partner feel like a burden
• Making partner feel incompetent, weak, or needy

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Effective and ineffective support

• Seeking support is not always easy
• Asking for (and receiving) support incurs some
  potential costs
• Lowered self-efficacy and esteem
• Feeling indebted
• Appearing weak to others
• Guilt over taking others resources
• Worry about burdening others
• Direct methods of seeking support are more
  effective more likely to elicit responsiveness

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• Secure Base Support How do our partners help us
  achieve our goals?

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Secure Base Support

• Feeney (2004)
• Safe Haven Coming into the relationship,
  support in response to stress/distress
• Reduced stress, better coping, problem
  resolution, health/well-being, relationship
  satisfaction, trust
• Secure Base Going out of the relationship,
  supporting a partners explorations and goal
  strivings
• Exploration, self-esteem, self-efficacy, goal
  pursuit, health/well-being, relationship
  satisfaction

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Secure Base Support

• Feeney (2004)
• Study 1 Videotaped couples discussing a current
  personal goal
• Responsive support associated with more
  productive conversation, more self-efficacy,
  more confidence about achieving goal
• Better conversations better mood, better
  self-evaluations, more relationship satisfaction

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Secure Base Support

• Feeney (2004)
• Study 2 Manipulated the type of support
  provided by partner (via computer messages)
• Responsive support led to better performance,
  better self-evaluations, better mood
• Intrusive support led to worse performance,
  mood, and self-evaluations
• Partners solved fewer problems even when they
  were given the answers!

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Michaelangelo Effect

• Rusbult and colleagues (2005 Drigotas et al.,
  1999 Kumashiro et al., 2006)
• The power of love to promote personal growth
• Close partners sculpt one another into
  movingcloser to their (own) ideals
• Individuals become more like their ideal selves
  over time when their partners hold idealized
  images of them

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Michaelangelo Effect

• Is your partner an ally (vs. foe) in your goal
  pursuits?
• Perceptual affirmation
• Does your partner bring out the best in you?
• Behavioral affirmation

P Perceptual Affirmation
P Behavioral Affirmation
Self-movement toward ideal
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Michaelangelo Effect

• Of course, partner may hinder movement toward
  your ideal (disaffirm your ideal)
• Perceptual disaffirmation - partners opinion of
  you is antithetical to your ideals
• Behavioral disaffirmation - partners behavior
  discourages/interferes with your ideals

P Perceptual disaffirmation
P Behavioral disaffirmation
Self-movement away from ideal
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Michaelangelo Effect

• Self-movement toward ideal should then predict
  individual well-being and couple well-being

Personal Well-being
Self-movement toward ideal
Couple Well-Being
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Michaelangelo Effect

• Evidence for the Model?(see Kumashiro et al.,
  2006, for review)
• Self-report When we perceive that our partner
  affirms our ideal, we report greater movement
  toward ideals
• Observation Lab discussion of personal goal,
  greater affirmation by partner (as rated by
  coders) linked to more confidence about ideals,
  greater personal and couple well-being

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Michaelangelo Effect

• Evidence for the Model?
• Experimental People anticipate more pleasant
  interaction and like potential partner more when
  led to believe that the partner saw them like
  their ideal (however, partners were hypothetical)

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Michaelangelo Effect

• Can this backfire?
• Do we want partner to foist ideals on us?
• No! The partners ideals for us must be
  compatible with our own ideals
• Otherwise maladaptive outcomes
• The Pygmalion Effect
• Partners must cherish your actual self and your
  ideal self (verification affirmation)

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Partner Regulation

• Overall, Fletcher, Simpson (2006)
• Ideal Standards Model
• Warmth
• Status/Resources
• Vitality/Attractiveness
• Partner-regulation model When we perceive
  discrepancies, we are motivated to try to reduce
  the discrepancy, bring our partner in line with
  our ideal

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Partner Regulation

• Overall, Fletcher, Simpson (2006)
• Cross-sectional and longitudinal studiesof
  individuals in relationship (N 200) and
  romantic couples (N 62)
• Do you want to change your partner?
• Did you try to change your partner in the last 6
  months?
• Were your attempts successful?

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Partner Regulation

• Results
• Overall, regulation attempts had negative
  consequences for relationship
• The harder partners regulated, the more they
  perceived discrepancies, and the less satisfied
  they became!
• Why? Changing another is difficult, so the more
  you focus on discrepancies, the more disappointed
  and dissatisfied you become

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Partner Regulation

• Regulation was also bad for the partner
• More regulation by P1 leads to unfavorable
  outcomes for P2
• More attempts to change self, but
• more negative self-evaluations
• feel less like he/she meets P1s ideals
• less relationship satisfaction

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• Bottom line
• Help your partners achieve their goals and ideals
• Try to avoid changing your partner to meet your
  ideals
• Focus on your partners strengths
• Tolerate weaknesses
• Take them as you find them