Collaborative Relationships With Parents

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Collaborative Relationships With Parents

• Jan Heppner
• Special Education Consultant
• RDSB

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Rationale

• It is of benefit to build bridges, not walls
  between parents and educators.
• When the adults in a childs life are squabbling,
  it is ultimately the child who is hurt. When
  elephants fight, it is the grass that gets
  trampled.

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Rationale..

• Countless selfless, devoted, creative and gifted
  teachers invest limitless time and energy in
  designing and implementing programs to meet the
  unique learning needs of kids.
• Sometimes all this work is lost to parents and
  all the potential for collaborative relationships
  is lost if things are not well-presented.

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Ten Things Parents Wish Teachers Would Do

• Build students self-esteem
• Become familiar with each childs needs
• Communicate honestly and openly with parent
• Assign effective homework
• Set reasonably high academic standards
• Care about the kids
• Be fair
• Enforce positive discipline
• Use a variety of teaching methods
• Encourage parental participation

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Ten Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do

• Be involved in childs education
• Provide resources at home for reading and
  learning
• Set a good example
• Encourage children to do their best at school
• Emphasize academics
• Support school rules and goals
• Use parental pressure positively
• Be proactive
• Accept parental responsibilities
• Inform school of situations that may impact
  school performance

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Where are the parents of exceptional students?

• Working two part-time jobs to make ends meet
• Buried under a mountain of paperwork and unpaid
  bills
• At home diapering their 15 year old son
• Fighting with their son/daughter over homework
  completion. Where is the agenda again?
• Sleeping in shifts because their child wont
  sleep more than 2 or 3 hours a night and must be
  constantly watched

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Where are the parents?...

• Struggling to keep a marriage together because
  adversity doesnt always bring you closer
• Sitting at home with their child because no one
  will help with child-care.
• Trying to spend time with their non-disabled
  children
• Struggling to help with homework when they
  themselves cant read
• Busy, trying to survive

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What Parents Need To Know

• Their child is valued
• Their child is accepted and belongs
• Their child is viewed as a whole individual
• Their child is not classified or compared with
  others Challenge stereotypes, classifications,
  assumptions
• Their childs rights are being protected
• They are receiving support for inclusion as
  opposed to integration

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Things to Consider.

• Parents travel on a journey from denial to
  acceptance
• This is not a one-time journey, but one that must
  be repeated frequently
• Parents will jump back to denial during times of
  stress or heartache or broken dreams
• You dont really understand, but you can show
  interest and empathy
• Listen with your heart
• If you have a good relationship with parents, you
  can tell them anything. If you dont, you cant
  tell them anything.

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Tips on Meeting with Parents

• Introduce all people at the table
• Be welcoming and inviting
• Speak in clear, easily understood language within
  a structured process with defined procedures
• Dont ask what the parents want ask what the
  child requires
• Model for the parents how to communicate
  collaboratively

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More tips

• Allow sufficient time to talk
• There will never be enough money or
  resources.try to accentuate the positive and
  dont complain about lack of support. This only
  destroys parents confidence in our abilities.
• Start with a positive comment.
• When you run into conflict, it is sometimes
  useful to employ the broken record technique.

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Yet more tips

• Dont meet alone with parents if you know it will
  be a difficult meeting. Try to have a witness.
• Stick to your guns in an assertive manner and if
  you cant reach agreement, reconvene the meeting.
• To end a meeting, ask each person if they have
  anything more to add, or any questions to ask.
  Often this will bring out something really
  important.
• Some catch phrases No one knows your child
  better than you do. I can understand how you
  feel.

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Thought for the day

• Pretend that the student is the child of your
  best friend. How would you explain things to
  your best friend? How compassionate would you
  be?

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Words of Wisdom..

• Ive come to a frightening conclusion that I am
  the decisive element in a parent meeting. As a
  Resource Teacher, I possess a tremendous power to
  make a parents life miserable or joyous. I can
  be a tool of torture or an instrument of
  inspiration. I can humiliate or humour, hurt or
  heal. In all situations, it is my response that
  decides whether a crisis will be escalated or
  de-escalated and a parent humanized or
  de-humanized.
• Haim Ginott