Talking to Your Kids About Money Troubles

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Talking to Your Kids About Money Troubles

• Gary Malone, LMFT, CFLE
• Child, Family, Consumer Sciences

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Life Has Been Good!
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Who would have Thought?

• The dramatic downturn in real estate!
• 10/09 --35 of LA homes up-side down!
• The most severe recession since the Great
  Depression!
• Jobless rates of 10 (17 estimates)!
• Government jobs no-longer secure!

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Things Arent as Rosy!
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Things Arent as Rosy!
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Stress

• Stress is the way we react to the demands of life
  mentally, physically and emotionally.
• Family Stress is an upset to the steady state of
  the family! A big rock in the family pond!

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Family Systems Theory
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GM
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During Family Crisis Keep Your Conversations
Private!

• Kids understand more than you think!
• But not as much as youd think!

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Manage Your Stress Levels

• Crisis is an accumulation of smaller stresses
  over time.
• Even strong parents families go into Crisis!
• Just toughing it out is not managing.
• Get support Use Resources
• EAP / Church / Doctor / Mental Health Counselor
• Relaxation techniques / Exercise / Yoga

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Talking to Your Kids

• Be honest but skip the drama. (Were trying to
  cut back. Thats why we arent renting as many
  movies or ordering pizza.)
• Be honest, but dont tell them everything is OK
  when you are going to get laid off. ( They need
  to trust what you tell them.)
• Dont tell them more than they need to know.
  ( Dont share every detail.)
• During your talk, dont convey fear or anxiety,
  even if you feel it. (Parents distress upsets
  kids more than the loss of material things.)
• Make sure you and your spouse agree on what you
  are going to say. ( Dont send mixed messages.)

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Talking to Younger Kids5 to 9

• Younger kids are most concerned about themselves
  and need assurance in simple and concrete terms
  that they will be cared for.
• Many can understand the concept of saving to buy
  more expensive things later.
• They can make wish lists of what they want for
  birthdays Christmas.
• Its OK to reject pleas. Youre not depriving
  your Child. (Your teaching them important lessons
  about delaying gratification, earning rewards,
  and family finances.)

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Talking to Preteens10 to 12

• Kids these ages are very concerned how they look
  to their peers.
• However, they can put things together in more
  complex ways and understand the financial
  pressures on the family.
• Preteens are old enough to save and plan ahead
  for purchases.
• Let then know they are not alone. You cant
  always buy something you want right away.
• Let them know everyone has to cut back, even you.
  (If they are really motivated, remind them they
  can earn money towards what they really want.)

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Talking to Teenagers

• Teens may feel the most pressure to keep up with
  fashions and what their friends have.
• Teens are capable of understanding the effects of
  economic crisis and can discuss issues in more
  detail.
• They can get upset about things that may feel
  directed at you, but they usually come around to
  understand its not your fault.
• Through part-time jobs, teens can earn money
  outside of the home to cover many of their own
  expenses.

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Some Final Thoughts

• We are the YES generation of parents to our kids
  because we love them and always want the best for
  them. But sometimes we need to learn to say NO.
  Both to inappropriate behavior and to things they
  want, but not need.
• Explore fun, low-cost activities. Most of the
  best memories of childhood were spent being
  connected to family.
• Get your children involved in the solution. It
  gives them a sense of control.
• Lastly, kids are resilient. They have an
  incredible ability to overcome adversity and
  become stronger people for it.

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A crisis is also an opportunity to get stronger
as a family.
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Gary A. Malone, MFT, CFLE

• 125 E. Barstow, Ste 109
• Fresno, CA 93710
• 447-9468