A Tripp to the Temple of Pain and Joy

1
A Tripp to the Temple of Pain and Joy

• A tale of Ancient Egypt
• Translated from the original scrolls found at the
  Saqqara archaeological site
• by
• Piers MacLean

2
It was the Second Month of Akhet, the 13th day in
the fourth year of the rule of Tutmosis III when
Hafwit, on his return from lighting the
ceremonial oil lamps in the main hall of the
Temple of Ohmigod, Lord of Pain and Joy, found a
sealed papyrus scroll on his writing table.
Noticing that the cartouche pressed into the wax
of the seal was that of his master the high
priest Skoshi he decided to forgo his mid-morning
pot of honeyed ale and open the scroll. 'Oh
Hafwit, lowly scratcher priest of this Temple,
why do you and your fellow priests fail me? Is it
too difficult a task for you and your miserable
brethren to keep me informed of your actions? Do
you not realise how important it is that I, High
Priest, know of your petty toings and froings
every ten days? Would you perhaps find it easier
building giant geometric forms from solid rock
far out in the sands of Saqqara? You are to
reply, you miserable flap of spare camel skin, by
return of first slave!
3
It was the Second Month of Akhet, the 13th day in
the fourth year of the rule of Tutmosis III when
Hafwit, on his return from lighting the
ceremonial oil lamps in the main hall of the
Temple of Ohmigod, Lord of Pain and Joy, found a
sealed papyrus scroll on his writing table.
Noticing that the cartouche pressed into the wax
of the seal was that of his master the high
priest Skoshi he decided to forgo his mid-morning
pot of honeyed ale and open the scroll. 'Oh
Hafwit, lowly scratcher priest of this Temple,
why do you and your fellow priests fail me? Is it
too difficult a task for you and your miserable
brethren to keep me informed of your actions? Do
you not realise how important it is that I, High
Priest, know of your petty toings and froings
every ten days? Would you perhaps find it easier
building giant geometric forms from solid rock
far out in the sands of Saqqara? You are to
reply, you miserable flap of spare camel skin, by
return of first slave!
4
Hafwit knew full well the reason for his master's
anger and determined once and for all to remove
the source of his displeasure the problem of
keeping the High Priest informed about weekly
events in the Temple. Like his brother priests
Hafwit had been guilty of sending scrolls without
dating them and on one occasion, just like the
others, he had neglected to send any scroll at
all. Selecting his finest brush he started
painting a reply and when the vibrant colours of
his response had dried he rolled up the papyrus
and sealed it with his personal cartouche. With
an order that it should be taken directly to the
High Priest he handed the scroll to the temple's
blind messenger slave, Owmytoe. As Owmytoe's
hesitant footsteps shuffled away into the
labyrinthine interior of the Temple Hafwit
reached for his drinking pot. There was some
thinking to do.
5
Hafwit knew full well the reason for his master's
anger and determined once and for all to remove
the source of his displeasure the problem of
keeping the High Priest informed about weekly
events in the Temple. Like his brother priests
Hafwit had been guilty of sending scrolls without
dating them and on one occasion, just like the
others, he had neglected to send any scroll at
all. Selecting his finest brush he started
painting a reply and when the vibrant colours of
his response had dried he rolled up the papyrus
and sealed it with his personal cartouche. With
an order that it should be taken directly to the
High Priest he handed the scroll to the temple's
blind messenger slave, Owmytoe. As Owmytoe's
hesitant footsteps shuffled away into the
labyrinthine interior of the Temple Hafwit
reached for his drinking pot. There was some
thinking to do.
6
What he had proposed in his scroll to the High
Priest was a solution to the problem which had
been worsening for some time. Taking a long
draught of the sweet ale he turned his thoughts
to what had happened and tried to make immediate
sense of it. He remembered well what his weekly
routines were like when he had first come to the
Temple as a young man, full of anticipation at
the notion of a lifetime of Pain and Joy. It was
but a simple matter for him and the other priest
with whom he worked to sketch a quick message
each week. These they passed to Owmytoe who would
stumble off among the many pillars and other
hurtful obstacles within the Temple to the High
Priest.
7
What he had proposed in his scroll to the High
Priest was a solution to the problem which had
been worsening for some time. Taking a long
draught of the sweet ale he turned his thoughts
to what had happened and tried to make immediate
sense of it. He remembered well what his weekly
routines were like when he had first come to the
Temple as a young man, full of anticipation at
the notion of a lifetime of Pain and Joy. It was
but a simple matter for him and the other priest
with whom he worked to sketch a quick message
each week. These they passed to Owmytoe who would
stumble off among the many pillars and other
hurtful obstacles within the Temple to the High
Priest.
8
With the passage of time the deity's standing had
grown in the land of Egypt and more priests came
to serve in the Temple. The number of bruises and
gashes on Owmytoe's wretched body doubled and
trippled as he blundered to and fro carrying an
ever increasing number of papyrus scrolls and,
when the papyrus supply failed, blocks of carved
sandstone. Hafwit knew that the hieroglyphs were
important to Skoshi the High Priest and necessary
for the smooth operation of the Temple. Skoshi
should be able to rely upon his minions to
provide them in a timely and accurate fashion.
However, Hafwit had realised, this was not
working and an alternative and more efficient
system was needed.
9
With the passage of time the deity's standing had
grown in the land of Egypt and more priests came
to serve in the Temple. The number of bruises and
gashes on Owmytoe's wretched body doubled and
trippled as he blundered to and fro carrying an
ever increasing number of papyrus scrolls and,
when the papyrus supply failed, blocks of carved
sandstone. Hafwit knew that the hieroglyphs were
important to Skoshi the High Priest and necessary
for the smooth operation of the Temple. Skoshi
should be able to rely upon his minions to
provide them in a timely and accurate fashion.
However, Hafwit had realised, this was not
working and an alternative and more efficient
system was needed.
10
His solution was that Owmytoe would no longer
carry a different scroll or sandstone block from
each of the scratcher priests detailing their
individual activities. Instead, one master scroll
would be created each week and marked with the
date. The scroll would be taken by Owmytoe to
each priest in turn who would paint in his
activities. Once every scratcher priest had made
his entry Owmytoe would take the completed scroll
to the High Priest who, having digested its
contents would place it in the Temple archives.
'Simple' thought Hafwit to himself.
11
Or was it? Hafwit had suddenly realised that
there was probably more to this simple situation
than met the eye. 'What' he asked himself 'was
really the problem?' Why wasn't Skoshi getting
the information he needed? Why did some priests
not paint in the date on their weekly scroll or
neglect to say what it was about? How had
something so straightforward become so unordered?
Why did he and the other scratcher priests forget
to send their weekly scroll?
12
Or was it? Hafwit had suddenly realised that
there was probably more to this simple situation
than met the eye. 'What' he asked himself 'was
really the problem?' Why wasn't Skoshi getting
the information he needed? Why did some priests
not paint in the date on their weekly scroll or
neglect to say what it was about? How had
something so straightforward become so unordered?
Why did he and the other scratcher priests forget
to send their weekly scroll?
13
He thought about these questions and the answers
slowly came to him like the rebirth of the great
Sun God himself, rising up out of the East.
Skoshi had been receiving scrolls that meant
nothing to him. Data can only really be useful if
it is described properly thus becoming
information. What use is it receiving a wall-full
of hieroglyphs and there is no date to indicate
the timeframe of the events depicted? Skoshi
receives many scrolls every day and does not have
time to look at each one to find out what it is
about. Simply describing its contents and putting
a date, on the outside of the scroll perhaps,
would allow Skoshi to see immediately what it was
about and also make it easier to retrieve from
the archive at a later date. This had never been
more true than now when the number of priests was
increasing and the amount of papyrus and stone
carried by Owmytoe was reaching the point where
the old man was saying he was going to hand in
his resignation ... or would do if he were not a
slave.
14
He thought about these questions and the answers
slowly came to him like the rebirth of the great
Sun God himself, rising up out of the East.
Skoshi had been receiving scrolls that meant
nothing to him. Data can only really be useful if
it is described properly thus becoming
information. What use is it receiving a wall-full
of hieroglyphs and there is no date to indicate
the timeframe of the events depicted? Skoshi
receives many scrolls every day and does not have
time to look at each one to find out what it is
about. Simply describing its contents and putting
a date, on the outside of the scroll perhaps,
would allow Skoshi to see immediately what it was
about and also make it easier to retrieve from
the archive at a later date. This had never been
more true than now when the number of priests was
increasing and the amount of papyrus and stone
carried by Owmytoe was reaching the point where
the old man was saying he was going to hand in
his resignation ... or would do if he were not a
slave.
15
And that was the key to the second part of the
problem by working on a single scroll or wall
collaboratively the burden on the Temple message
system would, literally, be reduced. Important
communications would not be lost amongst other
documents and the priests were going to be able
to work far more effectively and use less papyrus
and sandstone. Also, they would be reminded by
Owmytoe to complete their part of the master
scroll. There were real implications for the
future of Temple working practices here. All they
had to do was keep it simple, collaborate and
continue to look for ways of improving the
sharing of information and how it is described.
16
And that was the key to the second part of the
problem by working on a single scroll or wall
collaboratively the burden on the Temple message
system would, literally, be reduced. Important
communications would not be lost amongst other
documents and the priests were going to be able
to work far more effectively and use less papyrus
and sandstone. Also, they would be reminded by
Owmytoe to complete their part of the master
scroll. There were real implications for the
future of Temple working practices here. All they
had to do was keep it simple, collaborate and
continue to look for ways of improving the
sharing of information and how it is described.
17
'Shimple', Halfwit slurred, unaware that he had
opened a third pot of the remarkably strong brew.
'By the eye of Horush, itsh sho shimple even an
Asshyrian could have thought of it'. He
hiccoughed softly in the growing gloom. 'Musht,
hic, remember to light the lampsh' were his last
words before drifting into a coma-like
ale-induced sleep where he dreamed dreams of a
papyrus free environment.
18
'Shimple', Hafwit slurred, unaware that he had
opened a third pot of the remarkably strong brew.
'By the eye of Horush, itsh sho shimple even an
Asshyrian could have thought of it'. He
hiccoughed softly in the growing gloom. 'Musht,
hic, remember to light the lampsh' were his last
words before drifting into a coma-like
ale-induced sleep where he dreamed dreams of a
papyrus free environment.
19
The End