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Becoming an Emotionally

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Becoming an Emotionally & Relationally Intelligent (ERQTM) Leader. Gary J. Oliver, ... The Neurology of Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERQ ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Becoming an Emotionally


1
Becoming an Emotionally Relationally
Intelligent (ERQTM) Leader
  • Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.
  • The Center for Growth-Focused Leadership

2
The Importance of Relationships
3
The Impact of Marriages on Society
  • As go marriages, so go families . . .
  • As go families, so go churches, companies and
    communities . . .
  • As go communities, so go states . . .
  • As go states, so go nations . . .
  • As go nations, so go entire civilizations . . .
  • (Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.)

4
The Surprising Road to Success From IQ to EQ
The IQ Myth
Moving Beyond the IQ
5
Competencies That Are Predictors of Success
PERSONAL Competence ______personal
Intelligence (EQ)
INTRA
RELATIONAL Competence ______personal
Intelligence (RQ)
INTER
6
Emotional Intelligence
  • What do you think of when you hear the term
    emotional intelligence?
  • People often see emotional intelligence as not
    being emotional,
  • being overly emotional or
  • being happy and positive all of the time.

7
What Is Emotional Relational
Intelligence (ERQ)?
The ability to be aware of, recognize and
understand our own feelings and those of others
and to constructively manage those emotions in
ourselves and in our relationships.
Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.
8
The Significance of EQ What RESEARCH Tells Us
  • Rigidity, poor relationships and inability to
    lead teams are the most common traits of
    executives who derail.
  • Managers who derailed all had high levels of
    expertise and intelligence but many were arrogant
    and had a disdain for teamwork.

9
The Significance of EQ What LEADERS Tell Us
  • A leaders intelligence has to have a
    strong emotional component. He has to have high
    levels of self-awareness, maturity and
    self-control. She must be able to withstand the
    heat, handle setbacks and when those lucky
    moments arise, enjoy success with equal parts of
    joy and humility. No doubt emotional
    intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but
    my experience says it is actually more important
    in the making of a leader. You just cant ignore
    it.
  • Jack Welch, Former Chairman of General
    Electric Speaking to the Wall Street
    Journal

10
The Neurology of Emotional Relational
Intelligence (ERQ)
11
The Emotional Brain helps us make
______ decisions.
QUICK
12
What Is an Amygdala Hijack?
13
What Is an Amygdala Hijack?
  • 1. There is a _______.
  • 2. There Is an _______ Reaction.
  • 3. There Is _______ Emotion.
  • 4. There Is a Subsequent Feeling of _________.

Trigger
Instant
Strong
Remorse
14
  • Recall a time when someone you know had an
    Amygdala Hijack.
  • What was the situation?
  • How did they react?
  •  How did their reaction impact others?

15
The Rational Brain
The Rational Brain helps us make SOUND decisions.
16
Your ERQ is impacted by the amount of
communication between your _____________ brain
and your ___________ brain.
EMOTIONAL
RATIONAL
BOTH are important!
17
The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)


Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
  • Emotional Self-Awareness
  • Accurate Self-Assessment
  • Self-Confidence
  • Empathy
  • Listening
  • Values Differences

Recognition (Awareness)


Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
  • Emotional Self-Control
  • Takes Personal Responsibility
  • Healthy Anger Management
  • Responds rather than Reacts
  • Effective Communication
  • Healthy Conflict Management
  • Influence
  • Collaboration Cooperation

18
The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)


Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
  • Emotional Self-Awareness
  • Accurate Self-Assessment
  • Self-Confidence
  • Empathy
  • Listening
  • Values Differences

Recognition (Awareness)


Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
  • Emotional Self-Control
  • Takes Personal Responsibility
  • Healthy Anger Management
  • Responds rather than Reacts
  • Effective Communication
  • Healthy Conflict Management
  • Influence
  • Collaboration Cooperation

19
Quadrant I Effective Leaders Have Self-Awareness
  • Emotional Self-Awareness knowing what our
    emotions are and recognizing how our emotions
    affect our performance

20
Quadrant I Effective Leaders Have
Self-Awareness
  • Accurate Self-Assessment knowing ones own
    inner resources, abilities, and limits. On p.11,
    answer the following questions
  • What are your STRENGTHS?
  • What are your WEAKNESSES?
  • What are your GROWTH areas?

Self-Confidence a strong sense of ones
self-worth and capabilities.
21
Quadrant II. Effective Leaders Manage Themselves
  • People with a strong ability to manage
    emotions can be passionate, but they also have
    good emotional self-control, tend to be
    even-tempered, think clearly when they are
    experiencing strong feelings, make decisions
    based on their hearts and their heads, and
    generally reflect on their emotions often.
  • (Caruso Salovey, The Emotionally Intelligent
    Manager)
  • Emotional Self-Control keeping disruptive
    emotions and impulses in check.

22
The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)


Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
  • Emotional Self-Awareness
  • Accurate Self-Assessment
  • Self-Confidence
  • Empathy
  • Listening
  • Values Differences

Recognition (Awareness)


Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
  • Emotional Self-Control
  • Takes Personal Responsibility
  • Healthy Anger Management
  • Responds rather than Reacts
  • Effective Communication
  • Healthy Conflict Management
  • Influence
  • Collaboration Cooperation

23
  • What is the cost or impact on a team of a
    fellow team-member with low emotional
    self-control?

24
An ERQ Approach to Making Your Anger Work FOR You
25
Why Is Anger Such A Major Problem?
  • It is one of the most POWERFUL and CONTROLLING of
    all the emotions.
  • When not properly understood and dealt with, it
    is one of the most DANGEROUS.

26
Major Causes of Anger
  • Fear/Anxiety
  • Hurt
  • Frustration

27
What Does Unhealthy/ Destructive Anger Look Like?
  • The Cream Puff
  • The Locomotive
  • The Steel Magnolia

28
  • What Does HEALTHY and CONSTRUCTIVE Anger Look
    Like?
  • Responds
  • Honoring
  • Trusting
  • Caring
  • Anger communicated
  • Responsible
  • Proactive
  • Listens
  • Motivated by respect
  • Unselfish
  • Firm
  • I win/You win

29
How Can I Make My Anger Work FOR Me?
30
What are some healthy ERQ responses to an
angry co-worker, friend or family member?
31
The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)


Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
  • Emotional Self-Awareness
  • Accurate Self-Assessment
  • Self-Confidence
  • Empathy
  • Listening
  • Values Differences

Recognition (Awareness)


Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
  • Emotional Self-Control
  • Takes Personal Responsibility
  • Healthy Anger Management
  • Responds rather than Reacts
  • Effective Communication
  • Healthy Conflict Management
  • Influence
  • Collaboration Cooperation

32
Quadrant III. Effective Leaders Empathize, Listen
and Value Differences
  • Empathy sensing others feelings and
    perspectives, and taking an active interest in
    their concerns
  • People dont care how much you _____
  • until they know how much you ____!

know
care
33
Empathy and Listening
  • The secret of empathy is not talking but
    LISTENING.
  • Research tells us that 70 of communication is
    miscommunication!
  • Good communication takes place when we choose to
    make our primary goal UNDERSTANDING rather than
    being UNDERSTOOD

34
The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)


Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
  • Emotional Self-Awareness
  • Accurate Self-Assessment
  • Self-Confidence
  • Empathy
  • Listening
  • Values Differences

Recognition (Awareness)


Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
  • Emotional Self-Control
  • Takes Personal Responsibility
  • Healthy Anger Management
  • Responds rather than Reacts
  • Effective Communication
  • Healthy Conflict Management
  • Influence
  • Collaboration Cooperation

35
Quadrant IV. Effective Leaders Can Work With a
Wide Variety of People
  • The purpose of an organization is to enable
    common people to do uncommon things. It is the
    test of an organization to make ordinary human
    beings perform better than they seem capable of,
    to bring out whatever strengths are in its
    members, and to use each persons strength to
    help all the other members perform.
  • It is the task of organization at the same time
    to neutralize the individual weaknesses of its
    members. The spirit of performance requires that
    there be full scope for individual excellence.
    The focus must be on the strengths of a person .
    . . on what they can do rather than on what they
    cant do.
  • (Peter Drucker, in Management, Tasks,
    Responsibilities and Practices)

36
SoNow What?
  • Information Inspiration Application
  • _________________.
  • Information Inspiration Application
  • ____________________________.

FRUSTRATION
TRANSFORMATION
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