Title: Becoming an Emotionally
1Becoming an Emotionally Relationally
Intelligent (ERQTM) Leader
- Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.
- The Center for Growth-Focused Leadership
2The Importance of Relationships
3The Impact of Marriages on Society
- As go marriages, so go families . . .
- As go families, so go churches, companies and
communities . . . - As go communities, so go states . . .
- As go states, so go nations . . .
- As go nations, so go entire civilizations . . .
- (Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.)
4The Surprising Road to Success From IQ to EQ
The IQ Myth
Moving Beyond the IQ
5Competencies That Are Predictors of Success
PERSONAL Competence ______personal
Intelligence (EQ)
INTRA
RELATIONAL Competence ______personal
Intelligence (RQ)
INTER
6Emotional Intelligence
- What do you think of when you hear the term
emotional intelligence? - People often see emotional intelligence as not
being emotional, - being overly emotional or
- being happy and positive all of the time.
7 What Is Emotional Relational
Intelligence (ERQ)?
The ability to be aware of, recognize and
understand our own feelings and those of others
and to constructively manage those emotions in
ourselves and in our relationships.
Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.
8The Significance of EQ What RESEARCH Tells Us
- Rigidity, poor relationships and inability to
lead teams are the most common traits of
executives who derail. - Managers who derailed all had high levels of
expertise and intelligence but many were arrogant
and had a disdain for teamwork.
9The Significance of EQ What LEADERS Tell Us
- A leaders intelligence has to have a
strong emotional component. He has to have high
levels of self-awareness, maturity and
self-control. She must be able to withstand the
heat, handle setbacks and when those lucky
moments arise, enjoy success with equal parts of
joy and humility. No doubt emotional
intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but
my experience says it is actually more important
in the making of a leader. You just cant ignore
it. - Jack Welch, Former Chairman of General
Electric Speaking to the Wall Street
Journal
10The Neurology of Emotional Relational
Intelligence (ERQ)
11The Emotional Brain helps us make
______ decisions.
QUICK
12What Is an Amygdala Hijack?
13What Is an Amygdala Hijack?
- 1. There is a _______.
- 2. There Is an _______ Reaction.
- 3. There Is _______ Emotion.
- 4. There Is a Subsequent Feeling of _________.
Trigger
Instant
Strong
Remorse
14- Recall a time when someone you know had an
Amygdala Hijack. - What was the situation?
- How did they react?
- How did their reaction impact others?
15The Rational Brain
The Rational Brain helps us make SOUND decisions.
16 Your ERQ is impacted by the amount of
communication between your _____________ brain
and your ___________ brain.
EMOTIONAL
RATIONAL
BOTH are important!
17The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)
Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
- Emotional Self-Awareness
- Accurate Self-Assessment
- Self-Confidence
- Empathy
- Listening
- Values Differences
Recognition (Awareness)
Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
- Emotional Self-Control
- Takes Personal Responsibility
- Healthy Anger Management
- Responds rather than Reacts
- Effective Communication
- Healthy Conflict Management
- Influence
- Collaboration Cooperation
18The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)
Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
- Emotional Self-Awareness
- Accurate Self-Assessment
- Self-Confidence
- Empathy
- Listening
- Values Differences
Recognition (Awareness)
Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
- Emotional Self-Control
- Takes Personal Responsibility
- Healthy Anger Management
- Responds rather than Reacts
- Effective Communication
- Healthy Conflict Management
- Influence
- Collaboration Cooperation
19Quadrant I Effective Leaders Have Self-Awareness
- Emotional Self-Awareness knowing what our
emotions are and recognizing how our emotions
affect our performance
20Quadrant I Effective Leaders Have
Self-Awareness
- Accurate Self-Assessment knowing ones own
inner resources, abilities, and limits. On p.11,
answer the following questions - What are your STRENGTHS?
- What are your WEAKNESSES?
- What are your GROWTH areas?
Self-Confidence a strong sense of ones
self-worth and capabilities.
21Quadrant II. Effective Leaders Manage Themselves
- People with a strong ability to manage
emotions can be passionate, but they also have
good emotional self-control, tend to be
even-tempered, think clearly when they are
experiencing strong feelings, make decisions
based on their hearts and their heads, and
generally reflect on their emotions often. - (Caruso Salovey, The Emotionally Intelligent
Manager) - Emotional Self-Control keeping disruptive
emotions and impulses in check.
22The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)
Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
- Emotional Self-Awareness
- Accurate Self-Assessment
- Self-Confidence
- Empathy
- Listening
- Values Differences
Recognition (Awareness)
Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
- Emotional Self-Control
- Takes Personal Responsibility
- Healthy Anger Management
- Responds rather than Reacts
- Effective Communication
- Healthy Conflict Management
- Influence
- Collaboration Cooperation
23- What is the cost or impact on a team of a
fellow team-member with low emotional
self-control?
24An ERQ Approach to Making Your Anger Work FOR You
25Why Is Anger Such A Major Problem?
- It is one of the most POWERFUL and CONTROLLING of
all the emotions.
- When not properly understood and dealt with, it
is one of the most DANGEROUS.
26Major Causes of Anger
27What Does Unhealthy/ Destructive Anger Look Like?
28- What Does HEALTHY and CONSTRUCTIVE Anger Look
Like?
- Responds
- Honoring
- Trusting
- Caring
- Anger communicated
- Responsible
- Proactive
- Listens
- Motivated by respect
- Unselfish
- Firm
- I win/You win
29How Can I Make My Anger Work FOR Me?
30What are some healthy ERQ responses to an
angry co-worker, friend or family member?
31The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)
Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
- Emotional Self-Awareness
- Accurate Self-Assessment
- Self-Confidence
- Empathy
- Listening
- Values Differences
Recognition (Awareness)
Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
- Emotional Self-Control
- Takes Personal Responsibility
- Healthy Anger Management
- Responds rather than Reacts
- Effective Communication
- Healthy Conflict Management
- Influence
- Collaboration Cooperation
32Quadrant III. Effective Leaders Empathize, Listen
and Value Differences
- Empathy sensing others feelings and
perspectives, and taking an active interest in
their concerns - People dont care how much you _____
- until they know how much you ____!
know
care
33Empathy and Listening
- The secret of empathy is not talking but
LISTENING. - Research tells us that 70 of communication is
miscommunication! - Good communication takes place when we choose to
make our primary goal UNDERSTANDING rather than
being UNDERSTOOD
34The ERQ Model
Self (INTRApersonal)
Other (INTERpersonal)
Relational Awareness
Self- Awareness
- Emotional Self-Awareness
- Accurate Self-Assessment
- Self-Confidence
- Empathy
- Listening
- Values Differences
Recognition (Awareness)
Self- Management
Relationship Management
Regulation (Management)
- Emotional Self-Control
- Takes Personal Responsibility
- Healthy Anger Management
- Responds rather than Reacts
- Effective Communication
- Healthy Conflict Management
- Influence
- Collaboration Cooperation
35Quadrant IV. Effective Leaders Can Work With a
Wide Variety of People
- The purpose of an organization is to enable
common people to do uncommon things. It is the
test of an organization to make ordinary human
beings perform better than they seem capable of,
to bring out whatever strengths are in its
members, and to use each persons strength to
help all the other members perform. - It is the task of organization at the same time
to neutralize the individual weaknesses of its
members. The spirit of performance requires that
there be full scope for individual excellence.
The focus must be on the strengths of a person .
. . on what they can do rather than on what they
cant do. - (Peter Drucker, in Management, Tasks,
Responsibilities and Practices) -
36SoNow What?
- Information Inspiration Application
- _________________.
- Information Inspiration Application
- ____________________________.
FRUSTRATION
TRANSFORMATION