Candide Slideshow

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All welcome to Westphalia, where we all live so
gaily-a.
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Its not like Venezuel-ia, and no paraphernalia
to spoil our simple lives.
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We watch our diet daily-a, and play our
ukele-lee-a.
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And we dont do e-mail-ia, and use our old
shil-legh-lee-a to keep all foes away!
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Life is happiness indeed Mares to ride and books
to read.
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Though of noble birth I'm not, I'm delighted with
my lot.
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Though I've no distinctive features and I've no
official mother, I love all my fellow
creatures and the creatures love each other!
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Life is absolute perfection, As is true of my
complexion. Every time the fellas see me, They
remind me Im so dreamy.
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Altho its no big hassle Cleaning all around the
castle, I meet fellas by the passel And find
time to go an wrestle!
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Tho I know you think Im So audacious, And
youre saying, Goodness gracious!
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Living here is less confining, And it keeps us
all from whining, Finding ways to make it
funny. So we keep it bright and sunny,
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That is all we really need. Life is happiness
indeed.
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Life is happiness indeed I have everything I
need. I am rich and unattached, and my beauty
is unmatched.
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With the rose my only rival, I admit to some
frustration What a pity its survival is of
limited duration!
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Life is absolute perfection, as is true of my
complexion. Every time I look and see me, I'm
reminded life is dreamy!
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Although I do get tired being endlessly
admired, People will go on about me - How could
they go on without me?
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(If the talk at times is vicious, that's the
price you pay when you're delicious!)
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Life is pleasant, life is simple... Oh my God,
is that a pimple? No, it's just the odd
reflection. Life and I are still perfection!
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I am everything I need! Life is happiness indeed!
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Life is happiness indeed... Life is absolute
perfection... Though of noble birth... Horses to
ride... We have everything we need...
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Look at this view! Mountains and towers! Green
meadows, too, bursting with flowers!
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This is the heart of this best of all possible
worlds, Quite the best part of this best of all
possible worlds.
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Once one dismisses the rest of all possible
worlds, One finds that this is the best of all
possible worlds.
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Our men are lean, handsome and active! Where
have you seen girls more attractive?
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None has more grace in this best of all possible
worlds! No finer race in this best of all
possible worlds!
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Any questions? Ask without fear. Ive all the
answers here.
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If people say (or so Ive heard) that married
life is splendid, Then why is there so much
divorce? I cannot comprehend it!
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He cannot comprehend it!
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Why, marriage, boy, is such a joy, so lovely a
condition,
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That many ask no better than to wed as often as
they can in happy repetition!
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A brilliant exposition!
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Remember, too, all men are brothers.
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As youd have done, do unto others.
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Its understood in this best of all possible
worlds. Alls for the good in this best of all
possible worlds.
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Objection! What about war?
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Tho war may seem a bloody curse, it is a
blessing in reverse.
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When cannon roar, both rich and poor By danger
are united til evry wrong is righted.
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Philosophers make evident the point that I have
cited
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Tis war makes equal, as it were, the noble and
the commoner thus, war improves relations! A
brilliant explanation!
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Wherefore and hence, therefore and ergo,
Wherefore and hence, therefore and ergo,
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Proving that this is the best of all possible
worlds. With love and kisses, the best of all
possible worlds.
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A brilliant explanation! Wherefore and
hence, therefore and ergo...
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A brilliant explanation in this best of
all possible worlds!
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Q.E.D.!
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Soon, when we feel we can afford it, we'll build
a modest little farm.
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We'll buy a yacht and live aboard it, rolling in
luxury and stylish charm.
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Cows and chickens...Social whirls. Peas and
cabbage...Ropes of pearls.
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Soon there'll be little ones beside us we'll
have a sweet Westphalian home.
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Somehow we'll grow as rich as Midas we'll live
in Paris when we're not in Rome.
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Smiling babies...Marble halls. Sunday
picnics...Costume balls.
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Oh, won't my robes of silk and satin be chic!
I'll have all that I desire.
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Pangloss will tutor us in Latin and Greek, while
we sit before the fire.
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Glowing rubies...Glowing logs. Faithful
servants...Faithful dogs.
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We'll round the world enjoying high life, all
bubbly pink champagne and gold.
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We'll lead a rustic and a shy life, feeding the
pigs and sweetly growing old.
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Breast of peacock...Apple pie. I love
marriage...So do I.
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Oh, happy pair! Oh, happy we! It's very rare how
we agree!
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My world is lost now, Whats more, I cant be
wed. Oh, let me trust now In what my master said
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"There is a sweetness in every woe." It must be
so. It must be so.
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The dawn will find me Alone in some strange
land. But men are kindly They'll give a helping
hand.
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So said my master, and he must know. It must be
so. It must be so.
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We pray, Ave Maria... and may our
panacea... Not bring on catatonia... but calm
our mass hysteria...
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And save Westphalia!
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Cunegonde, is it true? Is it you so still and
cold, love? Could our young joys, just begun,
not outlast the dying sun?
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When such brightness dies so soon, can the heart
find strength to bear it? Shall I ever be
consoled, love? No, I swear it, by the light of
this lover's moon.
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Though I must see tomorrow's dawn, my heart is
gone where you are gone. Shall I ever be
consoled, love? No, I swear it, by the light of
this lover's moon.
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Good-bye, my love, good-bye. Cunegonde!
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Dear boy, you will not hear me speak With sorrow
or with rancor Of what has shriveled up my
cheek And blasted it with canker
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'Twas Love, great Love, that did the
deed, Through Nature's gentle laws, And how
should ill effects proceed From so divine a
cause? Dear boy
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Sweet honey comes from bees that sting, As you
are well aware
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To one adept in reasoning, Whatever pains disease
may bring Are but the tangy seasoning To Love's
delicious fare. Dear boy.
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Sweet honey comes from bees that sting...
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Columbus and his men, they say, Conveyed the
virus hither, Whereby my features rot away And
vital powers wither
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Yet had they not traversed the seas And come
infected back, Why, think of all the
luxuries That modern life would lack! Dear boy
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All bitter things conduce to sweet, As this
example shows
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Without the little spirochete, We'd have no
chocolate to eat, Nor would tobacco's fragrance
greet The European nose. Dear boy.
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All bitter things conduce to sweet...
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Each nation guards its native land With cannon
and with sentry, Inspectors look for
contraband At every point of entry,
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Yet nothing can prevent the spread Of Love's
divine disease It rounds the world from bed to
bed As pretty as you please. Dear boy.
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Men worship Venus everywhere, As may be plainly
seen
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Her decorations which I bear Are nobler than the
croix de guerre, And gained in service of our
fair And universal Queen. Dear boy.
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Men worship Venus everywhere... Dear boy!
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What a day, what a day for an auto-da-fé! What a
sunny summer sky!
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What a day, what a day for an auto-da-fé! It's a
lovely day for drinking and for watching people
fry!
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Hurry, hurry, hurry, Hurry, hurry, hurry, watch
'em die!
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Hurry, hurry, hurry, Hurry, hurry, hurry, hang
'em high!
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What a day, what a day for an auto-da-fé! What a
sunny summer sky!
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What a day, what a day for an auto-da-fé! It's a
lovely day for drinking and for watching people
die!
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Oh, what a day, what a perfect day for hanging!
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Silence! Shall we let the sinners go or try
them? Try them.
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Are the culprits innocent or guilty? Guilty.
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Shall we pardon them or hang them? Hang them.
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What a lovely day, what a jolly day, what a day
for a holiday!
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He don't mix meat and dairy, he don't eat humble
pie, So sing a miserere and hang the bastard
high!
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Are our methods legal or illegal? Legal.
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Are we judges of the law, or laymen? Amen.
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Shall we hang them or forget them? Get them!
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What a perfect day, what a jolly day, what a day
for a holiday!
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When foreigners like this come to criticize and
spy, We chant a pax vobiscum and hang the
bastards high!
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The supreme moment has arrived. All ye faithful
- genuflect! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Hang em high! Make em fry! Yes, they are
guilty, so very guilty!
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What a lovely day what a jolly day, what a day
for a holiday!
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Lets get back to our drinking and lets all go
get high! In fact, lets all get stinking and
let the bastards fry!
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Oh, what a day!
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My master told me that men are loving-kind Yet
now behold me, ill-used and sad of mind.
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Men must have kindness I cannot see. It must be
me. It must be me.
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My master told me the world is warm and good It
deals more coldly than I had dreamt it would.
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There must be sunlight I cannot see. It must be
me. It must be me.
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Glitter and be gay, That's the part I play Here
I am in Paris... France!
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Forced to bend my soul To a sordid
role, Victimized by bitter, bitter circumstance.
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Alas for me! Had I remained Beside my lady mother
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My virtue had remained unstained Until my maiden
hand was gained By some Grand Duke... or other.
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Ah, 'twas not to be Harsh necessity Brought me
to this gilded cage.
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Born to higher things, Here I droop my wings, Ah!
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Singing of a sorrow nothing can assuage.
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And yet of course I rather like to revel, ha
ha! I have no strong objection to champagne, ha
ha!
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My wardrobe is expensive as the devil, ha
ha! Perhaps it is ignoble to complain...
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Enough, enough Of being basely tearful! I'll show
my noble stuff By being bright and cheerful!
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Ha ha ha ha ha!
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Pearls and ruby rings... Ah, how can worldly
things Take the place of honor lost?
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Can they compensate For my fallen
state, Purchased as they were, at such an awful
cost?
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Bracelets... lavalieres... Can they dry my
tears? Can they blind my eyes to shame?
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Can the brightest brooch Shield me from
reproach? Can the purest diamond purify my name?
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And yet of course these trinkets are endearing,
ha ha! I'm, oh, so glad my sapphire is a star,
ha ha!
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I rather like a twenty-carat earring, ha ha! If
I'm not pure, at least my jewels are!
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Enough! Enough! I'll take their diamond
necklace And show my noble stuff By being gay and
reckless!
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Ha ha ha ha ha!
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Observe how bravely I conceal The dreadful,
dreadful shame I feel.
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Ha ha ha ha! HA, HA, HA, HA!!!
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Oh. Is it true? Cunegonde! Oh. Is it
you? Candide!
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Oh. Is it true? Is it you? Cunegonde!
Candide! Oh my love, dear love!
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Dearest, how can this be so? You were dead, you
know. You were shot and bayoneted, too.
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That is very true. Ah, but love will find a
way. Then what did you do?
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We'll go into that another day. Now let's talk of
you. You are looking very well. Weren't you
clever, dear, to survive?
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I've a sorry tale to tell I escaped more
dead than alive.
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Love of mine, where did you go? Oh, I wandered
to and fro... Oh, what torture, oh, what
pain... Holland, Portugal and Spain...
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I would do it all again To find you at
last! Reunited after so much pain But the pain
is past.
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We are one again! We are one at last. One...at
last!
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I was not born in sunny Hispania, My father
came from Rovno Gubernya.
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But now I'm here, I'm dancing a tango
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Di dee di! Dee di dee di! I am easily
assimilated. I am so easily assimilated.
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I never learned a human language. My father
spoke a High Middle Polish.
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In one half-hour I'm talking in Spanish
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Por favor! Toreador! I am easily assimilated. I
am so easily assimilated.
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It's easy, it's ever so easy! I'm Spanish, I'm
suddenly Spanish!
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And you must be Spanish, too. Do like the natives
do. These days you have to be in the majority!
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Tus labios rubí, dos rosas que se abren a
mí, Conquistan mi corazón, y sólo con una cancón.
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Mis labios rubí. Dreiviertel Takt, mon très cher
ami,
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Oui oui, sí sí, ja ja ja, yes yes, da da. Je ne
sais quoi!
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Me muero, me sale una hernia! A long way
from Rovno Gubernya!
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Once again we must be gone, moving onward to the
New World! Shall our hopes be answered there? Is
that land so good and fair?
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In that land across the sea when our quest at
last is ended, Then all our fortunes shall be
mended We shall dwell there, free of every
care, happy we!
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Stripped though we are of our possessions, my
dear, We shall go far through our professions,
my dear.
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If this New World has plenty of gallants, We'll
right our balance using our talents, my dear.
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Go now and save Montevideo, Candide! Faithful
and brave, go on your way, O Candide!
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You must deter the heathen invader, Drive out the
raider, like a crusader, Candide.
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I was in a funk, my confidence was failing, I
was feeling sunk, but once again I'm sailing!
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Yes, go, Candide. Do as I say... Farewell, Old
World... I was depressed... Shall my hopes...Be
answered there...
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AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
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In that land across the sea... Tho were
deprived... Go now and save... I was in a
funk...
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Farewell to the Old! We're bound for the realms
of Gold! Farewell to distress! All hail to our
happiness! With many a deed, Candide!
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Poets have said Love is undying, my love. Don't
be misled They were all lying, my love.
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Love's on the wing, But now while he hovers, Let
us be lovers. One soon recovers, my love.
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Soon the fever's fled, For love's a transient
blessing. Just a week in bed, And we'll be
convalescing!
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Why talk of morals When springtime is flying? Why
end in quarrels, Reproaches and sighing, Crying
for love, my love?
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I cannot entertain Your shocking proposition. How
could I regain My virginal condition?
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I am so pure that Before you may bed me, You must
assure me that First you will wed me...wed me!
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Well then, since you're so pure, I shall betroth
you, my love, Though I feel sure I'll come to
loathe you, my love!
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Still for the thrill I'm perfectly willing.
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For if we must wed Before we may bed, Then come
let us wed, My love!
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Come, heathen of America! Come, see the new
domains of God!
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Ye who in darkness plod, Come and dwell Where
Satan's hoof has never trod!
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Come, heathen of America, Where Satan's hoof has
never trod! Alleluia!
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We seek to find God's pardon. Here
innocence shall be restored,
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In this new Eden Garden, Where man has not defied
his Lord.
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Here shall ye find reward. Come before your
hearts in error harden.
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Alleluia! Alleluia!
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No doubt you'll think I'm giving in to petulance
and malice,
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But in candor I am forced to say
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That I'm sick of gracious living in this stuffy
little palace,
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And I wish that I could leave today!
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I have suffered a lot And I'm certainly
not Unaware that this life Has its black side.
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I have starved in a ditch, I've been burned for a
witch, And I'm missing the half Of my backside!
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I've been beaten and whipped And repeatedly
stripped, I've been forced into all kinds of
whoredom
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But I'm finding of late That the very worst
fate Is to perish of comfort and boredom!
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Quiet.
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It was three years ago, As you very well
know, That you said we would soon have a wedding.
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Every day you forget What you promised, and
yet You continue to rumple my bedding!
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I'll no longer bring shame On my family name, I
had rather lie down and be buried.
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No, I'll not lead the life Of an unwedded
wife. Tell me, when are we going to be married?
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Quiet.
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I was once, what is more, Nearly sawed in four By
a specially clumsy magician
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And you'd think I would feel, After such an
ordeal, That there's charm in my present position.
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But I'd far rather be In a tempest at sea, Or a
bloody North African riot,
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Than to sit in this dump On what's left of my
rump And put up with this terrible quiet!
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When are we going to be... Comfort and
boredom... Quiet!
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Up a seashell mountain, Across a primrose sea, To
a jungle fountain High up in a tree
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Then down a primrose mountain, Across a seashell
sea, To a land of happy people Just and kind and
bold and free. To Eldorado...
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They bathe each dawn in a golden lake, Emeralds
hang upon the vine.
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All is there for all to take Food and God and
books and wine.
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They have no words for fear and greed, For lies
and war revenge and rage.
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They sing and dance and think and read. They live
in peace and die of age. In Eldorado...
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They gave me home, they called me friend, They
taught me how to live in grace,
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Seasons passed without an end In that sweet and
blessed place.
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But I grew sad and could not stay Without my
love my heart grew cold,
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So they sadly sent me on my way With gracious
gifts of gems and gold. From Eldorado...
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"Good-bye," they said, "We pray you may safely
cross the sea."
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"Go," they said, "And may you find your bride to
be.
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Then past the jungle fountain, Along a silver
shore I've come by sea and mountain Just to find
my love once more.
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From Eldorado... Just to find my love once more.
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Bon voyage, dear fellow, Dear benefactor of your
fellow man!
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May good luck attend you. Do come again and see
us when you can.
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Oh, but I'm bad. Oh, but I'm bad, Playing such a
very dirty trick On such a fine lad!
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I'm a low cad, I'm a low cad. Evry time I do
this sort of thing It makes me so sad, ever so
sad!
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Oh, but I'm bad! Ever so bad! Bon voyage! Bon
voyage!
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Bon voyage, we'll see ya. Do have a jolly
trip across the foam!
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Santa Rosalia, Do have a safe and pleasant
journey home. Bon voyage!
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I'm so rich that my life is an utter bore There
is just not a thing that I need.
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My desires are as dry as an apple core, And my
only emotion is greed.
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Which is why, though I've nothing to spend it
for, I have swindled this gold from
Candide-di-di... Poor Candide!
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But I never would swindle the humble poor, For
you can't get a turnip to bleed.
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When you swindle the rich you get so much
more, Which is why I have swindled Candide.
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Oh, dear, I fear... He's going down, he's going
to drown! Ah, poor Candide!
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Bon voyage, dear stranger. Hope that the
crossing will not prove too grim.
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You seem to be in danger, But we expect that you
know how to swim!
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What a dumb goat, what a dumb goat, Handing me a
fortune for a perfect wreck of a boat!
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Never did float, never did float. This is going
to make a most amusing anecdote...
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never did float... wreck of a boat... What a dumb
goat!
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Bon voyage, Bon voyage, Bon voyage, Bon
voyage! Bon voyage!
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Bon voyage, best wishes! Seems to have been a bit
of sabotage. Things don't look propitious, still
from the heart we wish you
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Bon voyage, Bon voyage, Bon voyage, Bon
voyage! Bon voyage!
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Money, Money... Lira, Lira...
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I have always been wily and clever At deceiving
and swindling and such, And I feel just as
clever as ever, But I seem to be losing my touch.
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Yes, I'm clever, but where does it get me? My
employer gets all of my take All I get is my
daily spaghetti, While he gorges on truffles and
cake!
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What's the use? What's the use? There's no
profit in cheating, It's all so defeating And
wrong, oh, so wrong, That I just have to pass it
along!
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That old hag is no use in this gyp joint, Not a
sou have I made on her, yet, And the one thing
that pays in this clip joint Is my fraudulent
game of roulette.
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But I have to pay so much protection To the chief
of police and his men, That each day when he
makes his collection I'm a poor man all over
again!
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What's the use? What's the use Of dishonest
endeavor And being so clever? It's wrong, oh, so
wrong, If you just have to pass it along!
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It's a very fine thing to be prefect Shaking down
all the gamblers in town. My position has only
one defect That there's someone who's shaking me
down!
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For this fellow unhappily knows me And he's on
to the game that I play, And he threatens to
shame and expose me If I do not incessantly pay!
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What's the use? What's the use Of this sneaky
conniving And slimy contriving? It's wrong, oh,
so wrong, If you just have to pass it along!
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I could live very well by extortion, But I simply
can't keep what I earn, For I haven't a sense of
proportion, And roulette is my only concern.
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I've a system that's fiendishly clever, Which I
learned from a croupier friend, And I should go
on winning forever But I do seem to lose in the
end.
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What's the use? What's the use? Of this cheating
and plotting, You end up with nothing. It's
wrong, oh, so wrong, If you just have to pass it
along!
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Pass it along, pass it along, Pass it along, pass
it along, Pass it, pass it, pass it...
376
Oh, what's the use? What's the use? Theres no
use this cheating, Its all so defeating And
wrong, oh, so wrong, If you just have to pass it
along!
377
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378
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379
I've got troubles, as I've said Mother's dying,
Father's dead. All my uncles are in jail. It's a
very moving tale.
380
Though our name, I say again, is Quite the
proudest name in Venice, Our afflictions are so
many, And we haven't got a penny!
381
Madam, I am desolate At your family's tragic
state. Any help that I can give... Please do
tell me where they live.
382
I shall look them up tomorrow And alleviate their
sorrow, With a check made out to bearer. In the
meantime, buona sera!
383
We've got troubles, as she said Mother is dying,
Father's dead. All her uncles are in jail.
It's a very moving tale.
384
Although our name, I say again, is Quite the
proudest name in Venice, All our uncles are in
jail. It is a very moving tale. Ah, what a
moving tale.
385
Millions of rubles and lire and francs, Broke the
bank, broke the bank, Broke the best of all
possible banks.
386
Pieces of gold to the ladies I throw Easy come,
easy go. Shining gold to the ladies I throw.
387
See them on their knees before me. If they love
me, can you blame them? Little wonder they adore
me. Watch them woo me as I name them
388
Lady Frilly, Lady Silly, Pretty Lady
Willy-Nilly, Lady Lightly, Lady
Brightly, Charming Lady Fly-by-Nightly.
389
My Lady Fortune found me. What a joy to have
around me Lovely ladies, six or seven This is my
idea of Heaven!
390
Fortune, keep the wheel a- spinning,
spinning, They adore me while I'm winning!
391
Lady Frilly, Lady Silly, Pretty Lady
Willy-Nilly, Lady Lightly, Lady
Brightly, Charming Lady Fly-by-Nightly.
392
Fools love only one or two. Ladies, I love all of
you.
393
Weve got troubles... Ive got troubles... Lady
Frilly, Lady Silly...
394
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395
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396
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397
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398
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399
You've been a fool and so have I, But come and be
my wife, And let us try, before we die, To make
some sense of life.
400
We're neither pure nor wise nor good We'll do
the best we know. We'll build our house, and
chop our wood, And make our garden grow.
401
I thought the world was sugarcake, For so our
master said But now I'll teach my hands to
bake Our loaf of daily bread.
402
We're neither pure nor wise nor good We'll do
the best we know. We'll build our house, and
chop our wood, And make our garden grow.
403
Let dreamers dream what worlds they please Those
Edens can't be found. The sweetest flowers, the
fairest trees Are grown in solid ground.
404
We're neither pure nor wise nor good We'll do
the best we know. We'll build our house, and
chop our wood, And make our garden grow.
405
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406
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407
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408
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409
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410
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411
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412
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413
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414
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415
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416
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417
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418
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419
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420
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