Stressbusters

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Stressbusters

• Dealing with Difficult People

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• If you are distressed by anything external, the
  pain is not due to the thing itself but to your
  own estimate of it and this you have the power
  to revoke at any moment.
• Marcus Aurelius

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Dealing with Difficult People

• Impact of difficult behavior
• Types of difficult behavior
• Getting results
• Keeping your balance

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Impact on our Work

• Miscommunication
• Focus on winning rather than the issue
• Rewarding bad behavior
• Time wasted by distractions
• Residual resentment colors future dealings

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Impact on our Mood

• Fight or flight
• Defensiveness
• Question judgment, capability
• Feel belittled, mistreated
• Ongoing resentment

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Getting Results with Any Type

• Remain calm
• Focus on problem solving
• Act with confidence
• Listen
• Collaborate
• Understand their motivation

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Lessons Learned from Motherhood

• Pick your battles
• Tantrums are no fun for anyone
• Its the behavior thats bad, not the person
• Always provide an escape hatch
• Dont run with scissors

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The Dictator

• Intimidating, aggressive
• Demanding and critical
• Arbitrary
• Arrogant
• Values a high level of self-confidence and
  assertiveness

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Coping with a Dictator

• Stand up to him without fighting
• State your opinion
• Remain calm and focused

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The Complainer

• Finds fault with everything
• Negative and nit-picking
• Accusatory
• Self-fulfilling cycle of passivity, blame, and
  powerlessness
• Some of the complaints may be legitimate

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Coping with a Complainer

• Focus on problem solving
• Listen attentively
• Identify specifics
• Dont simply dismiss
• Dont accept blame or make excuses
• Ask for solutions

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The Passive

• Avoids conflict and risk
• Non-committal
• Unresponsive

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Coping with a Passive

• Ask open-ended questions
• Dont rush to fill silences
• Remain friendly and approachable
• Offer observations

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The Yes-Person

• Sociable, outgoing
• Attentive
• Agreeable
• Quick to commit
• Rarely delivers

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Coping with a Yes-Person

• Make honesty non-threatening
• Leave wiggle-room
• Recap agreement
• Get it in writing

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The Pessimist

• Negative
• Lacking in trust
• Feels powerless
• Resistant to change
• Harmful to morale

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Coping with a Pessimist

• Be confident and optimistic
• Dont argue
• Allow role of devils advocate
• Ask for specifics rather than generalizations

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The Know-it-all

• Expert on everything
• Tone of absolute certainty
• Can be condescending and pompous
• Values facts and logic
• Seeks respect
• Frequently right

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Coping with a Know-it-all

• Consider alternatives
• Avoid direct challenges to expertise
• Present accurate and complete information
• Separate the issues
• Listen
• Question with confidence
• Dont compete

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Keeping your Balance

• Humour
• Perspective
• Awareness
• Calm

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Keeping your Balance

• Humour
• Perspective

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• If you break your neck, if you have nothing to
  eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a
  problem.  Everything else is inconvenience. 
• Robert Fulghum

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Perspective

• Whats the big deal?
• Is the reaction proportional to the issue?
• Whats the problem?
• Immediate issue
• Long-term issue
• Who is this about?
• Whats my responsibility?
• What isnt my responsibility?

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Keeping your Balance

• Humour
• Perspective
• Awareness
• Know your triggers
• Recognize your defensive mechanisms
• Dont personalize

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• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
  Then quit. There's no point in being a
• damn fool about it.
• W. C. Fields

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Keeping your Balance

• Humour
• Perspective
• Self-Awareness
• Calm

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• Silence is one of the hardest arguments to
  refute.
• Josh Billings

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Getting through a Confrontation

• If person is frustrated but not (yet) angry
• Do
• Listen and paraphrase
• Acknowledge feelings
• Identify specific actions to reach solution
• Dont
• Patronize
• Overwhelm
• Accept responsibility except where appropriate

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Getting through a Confrontation

• If person is angry or hostile
• Do
• Acknowledge feelings
• Keep the discussion on topic
• Stay focused on resolution
• Dont
• Rise to the bait
• Make excuses or long explanations

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Getting through a Confrontation

• If the person is abusive and unreasonable
• Do
• State the rules
• State the limits
• Be clear and concise
• Call for backup and/or remove yourself
• Dont
• Run with scissors

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Dealing with Difficult People

• Any questions or comments?