Using Verbal De-Escalation

1
Using Verbal De-Escalation in the Workplace
2
Sample EGC Classroom Scenarios

• (1) A female student in a LS class who often
  comes in 10 minutes late or often doesnt come at
  all. Student came to class tardy, sat down, and
  began to text someone in class. The instructor
  observed the texting and reminded her that using
  a cell phone in class is against the rules. The
  student responded by saying that she was texting
  her husband who is in Iraq. The teacher
  responded by saying that she understood that she
  wanted to communicate with him, but not during
  class. The student continued to text for a while
  and the instructor proceeded with the lecture.
  The student got up and stormed out of class.
  What would you do?
• (2) A disruptive student who is asked to leave
  class. What is the best way to address this?
  What do you do if the student causes a scene or
  resists?
• (3) Two students begin a verbal argument during
  class that appeared as though it would turn
  physical within seconds. As the instructor how
  would you intervene?

3
Sample EGC Student Services Scenarios

• (4) It is August and financial aid refunds are
  being distributed. A male student walked up to
  a financial aid Counselors desk and put his
  hands on the desk and leaned over into the
  Counselors face looking into her eyes and saying
  with a stern voice, I need my money. Nothing
  further was said. The Counselor looked up the
  information for the student to discuss the status
  of his aid and provided this information. The
  situation did not escalate beyond this. What
  would you have done?
• (5) A male student walked in and stood about 4
  feet behind the financial aid counter computer
  and just standing there staring ahead without
  uttering a word. The employee asked if he needed
  any help and the student ignored the question. A
  second employee asked twice if he needed help,
  and the student responded, Im supposed to have
  my money and I dont have it. The financial aid
  assistant director spoke to the student and
  resolved the issue with the financial aid. What
  would you have done?

4
Sample EGC Scenarios with Parents and Colleagues

• (6) A mother of a student whose Higher one
  account has been compromised. She contacts the
  Business Office frustrated about the matter. It
  turns out that someone in Texas has managed to
  get the students information and charge quite
  a bit to the account. The mother is having a
  hard time getting this matter resolved with
  Higher One. She is in the process of going
  through their charge dispute process and it takes
  some time which is really frustrating her. This
  is the 2nd time that she has called EGC about
  this matter. She believes that EGCs system has
  been hacked and that the Business Office should
  follow up on this even though the Business Office
  representative has advised her repeatedly that
  Higher Ones system (not EGCs) has been hacked.
  What would you do?
• (7) An instructor is requesting information
  relating to gangs (how our local gang members
  dress, the name of any gangs, etc.). How should
  one respond?

5

• The information presented to you during this
  training will not teach you the following
• Hostage negotiation skills
• How to break-up fights
• Physical intervention techniques
• Judo take-downs
• Techniques for use with out of control or violent
  students

6
The information presented to you during this
training WILL teach you the following

• Techniques to calm a distressed individual
• Techniques to maintain a safe environment
• Increased self-awareness of body language and
  vocal tone
• How to display empathy
• Techniques to avoid escalating anger in others

7
How do you know when you are being personally or
physically threatened?
You will feel it. Trust your instincts
8

• What is Verbal De-escalation?
• Its what we do during a potentially dangerous,
  or threatening, situation in an attempt to
  prevent a person from causing harm to us,
  themselves, or others
• Without specialized training, we should never
  consider the use of physical force.
• Verbal De-escalation consists of tactics to help
  limit the number of staff who might be injured on
  the job.

9
Practical Considerations

• Goal- De-escalation of anger by reducing the
  excitability of the individual, enabling
  discussion
• Self-Assessment- Am I in the right mindset to
  perform an intervention?
• We are driven by fight, flight, or freeze when
  scared. In de-escalation we must appear centered
  and calm when terrified.
• De-escalation practices must be practiced so that
  they can become second nature to us in a
  potentially volatile situation.

10

• De-Escalation Techniques
• Simple Listening- Listening attentively without
  speaking and providing encouragers.
• Active Listening- Process of attempting to hear,
  acknowledge, and understand what a person is
  saying.
• This includes empathizing with the other person,
  giving choices, and setting limits. Make sure
  that you are not doing anything other than
  listening. Multi-tasking is not listening!
• Acknowledgment- Occurs when you legitimately
  understand the individuals angry emotion.

11
De-escalating Effectively

• To verbally de-escalate another person, you must
  open as many clear lines of communication as
  possible.
• Both you and the other person must listen to each
  other and have no barriers.
• Barriers to communication are the things that
  keep the meaning of what is being said from what
  is being heard.

• Some examples include-
• Pre-judging
• Non-listening
• Criticizing
• Name-calling
• Engaging in power struggles
• Ordering
• Threatening
• Minimizing
• Arguing

12
De-escalating Positively
Use positive and helpful statements such as
I want to help you. Please tell
me more so that I can better understand how to
help you. Lets call Mr. Smith I know
he would be able to help with this Dr.
Jones handles this for our college lets ask him
what he thinks
about this Situation He is
always willing to help! Place yourself on
his/her side in finding a solution to the
problem
13

• Remember that safety is your primary concern.
• Do not attempt to interpret the individuals
  feelings in an analytical way.
• Empathize with the feelings, but not the behavior
• Do not argue or try to convince the individual
• Do not answer abusive or insulting questions

14

• Dont be judgmental
• Do NOT ignore the person or pretend to be paying
  attention
• Listen to what the person is really saying
• Re-state the message
• Clarify the message
• Validate- I understand why )Not in agreement
  with)
• Try to establish rapport with the other person

15
Body Language The Basics

• 80-90 of our conversation is non-verbal. It is
  very important to be able to identify exactly
  what we are communicating to others non-verbally.
• In your efforts to de-escalate the situation,
  your body language could indicate a willingness
  to get physical.
• It is just as important to recognize the non-
  verbals of the person we are dealing with

16
Body Language Awareness 101

• When people are angry, they dont always listen
  to the words being said but react to what you are
  saying with your body.
• Remember the difference between hearing and
  listening.
• You must always be careful with the message you
  are sending. How you behave is just as important
  as what you say in a threatening situation.

17
Body Language 201

• Finger pointing may be perceived as accusing or
  threatening. Minimize talking with your hands.
• Shoulder shrugging could be perceived as uncaring
  or unknowing
• Rigid walking may seem challenging
• Clenched teeth could be perceived as closed
  minded and/or not willing to listen to his/her
  story
• A natural smile is good. A fake smile can
  aggravate the situation.
• Use slow or deliberate movements- quick actions
  might alarm the other person

18
Body Language Awareness The Eyes

• What are you conveying through your eyes?
• Drooping or rolling I cant be bothered.
• Raised eyebrow I dont believe you.
• Eyes open wide I am shocked and lack a plan.
• A unwavering stare I am angry with you and may
  act on it.
• Eyes looking up I cant wait for you to stop
  talking.
• Closing eyes longer than normal Are you
  talking? Because I cant hear you. or I am
  planning a distraction. (This may be a signal
  that you are going to escalate the situation!)

19
Body Language Awareness Personal Space

• What are you conveying through personal space (or
  lack thereof)?
• Note Personal space 1.5 to 3 feet -- far
  enough so you cannot be hit or kicked!
• Face-to-face Seen as invasive and lacking
  respect for the other individual. Will increase
  anxiety.
• Touching Could be construed as an aggressive
  act.
• Pat on or touching the back A will to control
  the person.
• Pat on the head Condescending and patronizing.
• Touch on the shoulder or arm Possibly
  controlling, asserting authority and dominance.
• Unusually far distance Could be construed as
  fear or intention to act aggressively.
• While it is important to maintain enough distance
  to avoid becoming a physical target, too much
  distance could be equated with fear and possibly
  engender increased aggressiveness.
• Maintain an appropriate distance so as to convey
  confidence and a sense of calm.
• Of course if the individual has a weapon,
  personal space is irrelevant.
• STAY SAFE!

20
Body Language Awareness Posture

• Your posture can be a dead giveaway about how you
  REALLY feel. Avoid escalating a situation with
  threatening postures
• Face-to-face or toe-to-toe
• Touching
• Finger pointing or hand talking
• Hands clasped behind your back
• Looking at the clock/watch/floor
• Avoiding eye contact

21
The WHAT and HOW Its not just what you say
but how you say it.

• Be cognizant of your
• Tone
• A stern voice will convey confidence but possibly
  aggression. Be firm but understanding.
• A timid/wavering voice will convey fear and lack
  of self-assurance.
• A lowered voice level may connote anger and
  agitation.
• A raised voice may set a tone of anticipation or
  uncertainty which may cause unnecessary
  excitement.
• Volume
• A loud or overpowering voice may convey authority
  and unwillingness to hear the other person.
• A soft or unassuming voice may convey docility
  and possibly fear.
• Rate of speech
• Slow but rhythmic speech is typically seen as
  soothing.
• A controlled voice is one that is both calm and
  firm and promotes confidence in both parties.
• Polite factor
• Always be respectful to the other person. No name
  calling. Avoid you people even if youre
  referring to a specific group (e.g. a particular
  class section, organization)
• Using please and thank-you -- Mr or Ms
  indicates respect.

22
The WHAT and HOW Cont.d Inflection of Voice

• What are we REALLY saying?
• I didnt say you were stupid.
• I didnt say you were stupid.
• (Your brother said it!)
• I didnt say you were stupid.
• (But I did write it on the bulletin board!)
• I didnt say you were stupid.
• (I said your brother was stupid)
• I didnt say you were stupid.
• (I said you were a complete idiot.)

23
Verbal De-escalation In a Nutshell

• Listen
• Really listen so that you can understand what is
  at the heart of the conflict!
• Show that you Listened by Validating -
• I understand why you might be upset. (This does
  not indicate that you agree with them.)
• Often validation of feelings is what the
  irritated individual is looking to receive.
• Remain Calm
• Avoid overreaction in what you say and how you
  say it.
• Be cognizant of body language.
• Maintain a Sense of Order-
• Remove onlookers -- or relocate to a safer place.
  (Onlookers can sometimes take up the role of
  cheerleaders or become additional victims.)
• Send an onlooker for help or speed dial the
  police/security if you can!
• Sometimes having an audience will place pressure
  on the aggressor to save face and win the
  dispute.
• Anticipate Problems-
• Watch for non-verbal cues or threats.
• Recognize possible signs of drug influence.
• Get Help!
• Bring in another trained person to assist
  whenever possible.
• Two individuals working together to calm an
  aggressor is better than one. An aggressor may
  loosen his/her stance if outnumbered.
• Dont forget to speed dial the police/security!

24
Did We Mention to Call for Help?

• This workshop is designed to help you to
  de-escalate a potentially dangerous situation NOT
  intervene in an altercation. You should always
• Alert someone else as soon as possible. (No help
  will arrive until someone else knows your
  situation. If you cant get to your phone, yell
  or raise your voice so someone will know that
  this is not a normal conversation.
• We do not advise that you take the opportunity to
  practice your attack skills. This opens the door
  for injury to you, the aggressor, or innocent
  bystanders, as well as potential legal troubles.
  You should, however, protect yourself if
  physically threatened or assaulted.
• REMEMBER
• There is safety in numbers.
• It will be beneficial to have a witness, if the
  situation worsens and someone is injured.

25
You have De-escalatedNow What?

• Report the situation (even if minor), both
  verbally and in writing, to your superior as soon
  as possible.
• Minor situations can be a cry for help
• Minor situations could also be a warning for
  future problems or potentially major situations.
• Documentation will be crucial when evaluating
  patterned events.
• After any confrontation, (and once the dust has
  settled) gently advise or direct the person to
  counseling, if possible.
• Behavioral problems that are indicative of
  distress should also be reported to the EGC
  Behavior Intervention Team.

26
What NOT to Do

• Avoid becoming emotionally involved or taking
  accusations or name calling personally.
• The aggressor is TRYING to get under your skin.
  Recognize this and control your emotions at all
  times.
• Avoid engaging in power struggles.
• Often people become agitated because they feel
  powerless. Throwing your power in his/her face
  could escalate the aggression.
• Avoid becoming rigid in your process.
• Be flexible and understanding. Treat the person
  as an individual.
• Avoid telling the other person that you know how
  he or she feels.
• Remember the person wants validation not a
  patronizing, lets-get-this-over-with attitude.
• Save your relatable stories for another time but
  DO offer advice when appropriate.
• Avoid raising your voice, cussing, making
  threats, and giving ultimatums or demands.
• Fight-or-flight, which is our bodys natural
  response to any threat, may lead you to respond
  in-kind to the threatening person. Resist this
  urge so that you avoid an escalation of the
  problem.
• Do not attempt to intimidate a hostile person.
• This includes intimidation in your words, how you
  speak, or body language.

27
Exercise 1

• Break into groups of two.
• One person acts as the aggressor and the other
  attempts to verbally de-escalate him/her.
• Practice what we learned today.
• Aggressor -- You are an angry student who has
  just learned you have been placed on Academic
  Exclusion. Additional stressors in your life
  include 1) no income, and 2) a recent fight
  with your best friend and, 3) your parents have
  threatened to cut you off financially.
• Verbal De-escalator-- You are a college
  representative (i.e. staff, faculty, or
  administrator)

28
Exercise 2

• One person acts as the aggressor and the other
  attempts to verbally de-escalate him/her.
• Practice what we learned today.
• Aggressor -- You are a student-athlete who just
  flunked your mid-term exam and became
  ineligible.
• Verbal De-escalator-- You are the faculty member
  who gave the failing grade.

29
Loose EndsTie them up!

• Do pursue medical treatment for any physical
  injuries.
• Do pursue counseling for post-traumatic stress
  and fear resulting from the incident.
• Do discuss the situation with involved
  faculty/staff to brainstorm ways to avoid or
  address similar situations in the future.
• Steps must be taken to prevent other similar
  situations from occurring. This may include the
  adoption of new policies and/or an action plan.
• This will also help with regaining a sense of
  control.

30
Questions?
East Georgia College Counseling and Disabilities
Office Anna Marie Reich, M.A. Phone
478-289-2039 E-mail areich_at_ega.edu Tori
Kearns, Ph.D. Phone- 912-688-6912 E-mail
tkearns_at_ega.edu