Essay Revision Tutorial

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Essay Revision Tutorial

• Introduction
• Thesis
• Body Paragraphs
• Structure
• Analysis
• Conclusion

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The Introduction
The purpose of an introduction is simple it is
to introduce. However, it is not to introduce a
topic. It is to introduce your essay. That is,
the purpose of the introduction is to introduce
what you have to say about the topic, not to
introduce the topic itself.
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The Introduction
Your intro must be precise (strictly stated,
defined, or fixed). The reader needs to know
where you are headed so you must provide
definitions of the terms used. When you refer
to The Middle AgesThe Roman EmpireThe
Renaissance establish what terms mean or your
argument and conclusion will not be precise If
the reader (me) has to guess at what you mean or
are trying to argue not a good way to start an
essay.
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The Introduction
For Example

• Many of you began your essay with the fall of
  the Roman Empire and beginning of the Middle
  Ages (FYI Middle Ages NOT Medieval Ages!).
• What do you mean by fall?
• How do you define "Roman Empire" and when/where
  do you place the event?
• What and when were the Middle Ages
• Why are they deemed middle?
• Turn the vague phrase into something specific!

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The Introduction Student Example in need of
Revision
Note The following is the lead into the
partition NOT the full introduction and is
usually 2-3 sentences for a 5 paragraph
essay. From 500 CE to 1500 CE, there was much
chaos and confusion. The recent fall of the Roman
Empire sparked a great number of changes that
eventually caused mass decentralization and a
loss of order and stability. Why does this need
revising?
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Revision Process
Identify the unexamined phrase(s) 500 CE to
1500, Chaos and Confusion Roman Empire Middle
Ages Consider Who or What? Why significant?
When/Time and place? How this applies will lead
to your position on the topic. Revision The
collapse of the Western Roman Empire in 479 CE
created chaos and confusion for individuals
accustomed to the political, social, and economic
infrastructure Rome had provided. By 500 CE, loss
of order and stability had drastically altered
western society and in effect obliterated Roman
culture and tradition. Thus, the years bridging
the Roman Empire and Renaissance (500-1450) are
labeled Middle Ages and deemed Dark Ages by
generations to follow. Read the 1st draft
again. See the difference?
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Introduction Continued The partition
establishes three major sub-topics you plan to
discuss and follows your lead sentences
Example This turmoil led to the
establishment of the feudal and manorial systems,
which lent some order to the crumbling western
society. But the most important institution
established into power at this time was the
Catholic Church. By uniting people and
establishing order in society, the Church was
able to control religion, politics and the
economy by the High Middle Ages.  
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Introduction Continued The Thesis Statement

• Position on the topic Church was an imposition
• Remember the format!
• Opposition First (this is where you recognize
  that the opposing argument has a valid point)
• Your main argument 2nd
• Thesis Statement
• Although the Church preserved many aspects of
  Greco-Roman culture and created order, it used
  this advantage to impose and gain power
  throughout Western Europe eventually resulting in
  the desertion of Christian ideals and demise of
  the Catholic Church.
•  

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Revised Introduction
The collapse of the Western Roman Empire in 479
CE created chaos and confusion for individuals
accustomed to the political, social, and economic
infrastructure Rome had provided. By 500 CE, loss
of order and stability had drastically altered
western society and in effect obliterated Roman
culture and tradition. Thus, the years bridging
the Roman Empire and Renaissance (500-1450) are
labeled Middle Ages and deemed Dark Ages by
generations to follow. This turmoil led to the
establishment of the feudal and manorial systems,
which lent some order to the crumbling western
society. But the most important institution
established into power at this time was the
Catholic Church. By uniting people and
establishing order in society, the Church was
able to control religion, politics and the
economy by the High Middle Ages. Although the
Church preserved many aspects of Greco-Roman
culture and created order, the Church used this
advantage to impose and gain power throughout
Western Europe eventually resulting in the
desertion of Christian ideals and demise of the
Catholic Church.
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Home Work

• Rewrite your introduction
• Revise your thesis (more tips here)
• Due Monday! Bring essay first draft!!

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Body Paragraphs

• 1st Body Paragraph is your counterargument
  (opposition)
• In this paragraph you should be addressing the
  1st half of your thesis statement Although the
  Church preserved many aspects of Greco-Roman
  culture and created order,
• Here you are presenting a specific piece of
  supporting evidence preservation of many aspects
  of Roman Culture
• The structure pretty much mirrors your intro
• Make your statement about preservation of many
  aspects of Roman Culture.
• Explain it (definitions) what do you mean by
  many aspects, Roman Culture?
• Connect back to your thesis with evidence
• Transition into body paragraph 2 (your position
  on the topic)

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1st Body Paragraph Breakdown Chart

• Remember to answer the precision questions first
  When/Time and place? Who or What? Why
  significant? How this applies to your position on
  the topic.
• When Early Middle Ages (500-800)
• What Catholic Church
• Why significant preservation of Greco-Roman
  Culture
• Once you have completed your definitions and
  answered the questions you can begin writing your
  paragraph.

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1st Paragraph (counter argument) Topic Sentence

• Pull the information together and begin with a
  precise statement on the topic. This is your
  topic sentence.
• Example The educational advancement that
  occurred in the High Middle Ages (900-1200) would
  not have been possible without the efforts of the
  Catholic Church.
• Precise? Why/How?
• Next you have to offer a relevant explanation for
  your topic sentence.

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1st Body Paragraph Continued

• You will need to give examples of educational
  advancements and Church efforts.
• Follow with connection to your argument.