The Scholarship Essay

1
The Scholarship Essay

• And the Writing Process
• Jennifer McBride Vincent Piro

2
AGS Scholarships

• Ed Walsh Service Awards
• Charles Bell Top Service Awards
• Kathleen D. Loly Academic Awards
• Virginia Coffey Top Academic Awards
• Robert Mantovani Awards for Combined Excellence
  in Service and Academics
• Tom Jackson Award for Combined Excellence in
  Service, Academics and Leadership

3
A Note About Nominees

• Chapters can nominate one service award nominee
  and two academic nominees.
• Exception If a college hosts a regional
  conference or a state convention (or does the
  registration for a state convention), then they
  are allowed one more service nominee.
• Each chapter has its own selection process, so
  check with your advisor.

4
Requirements

• Service awards require a cumulative GPA of 3.0 or
  higher (semester GPAs for the year cannot have
  fallen below a 3.0), 30 units completed by the
  end of the spring term, and membership for the
  entire academic year (Fall to Spring).
• Academic awards require a cumulative GPA of 3.75
  or higher, 60 units completed by the end of the
  spring term, and membership for the entire
  academic year (Fall to Spring).
• Your chapter must be in good standing to send
  nominees.

5
The Writing Process

• Step One Triggering and Analyzing the Situation
• Step Two Gathering and Brainstorming
• Step Three Shaping by Writing an Outline
• Step Four Writing Your Rough Draft
• Step Five Revising the Content
• Step Six Editing Grammatical and Mechanical
  Errors

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Step One Triggering and Analyzing the Situation
7
Step One Triggering and Analyzing the Situation

• Usually, the desire for financial assistance
  triggers your need to write a personal statement
  as part a scholarship process.
• The goal of a personal statement is to convince
  someone that you are worthy to be granted a
  scholarship or receive financial aid.

8
Discussion

• What might be some other reasons for applying for
  a scholarship?

9
Audience

• It is important to consider the audience of your
  personal statement.
• Are you writing to a national scholarship
  committee?
• Are you writing to a state-wide scholarship
  committee?
• Are you writing to a local scholarship committee?
• Research the organization giving the scholarship
  for which you are applying. Who is offering the
  scholarship? Who are the judges? For what is the
  organization known? What is the organizations
  mission?

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Activity

• In groups, list what you think are the
  characteristics of an AGS scholarship reader
  (advisors from the various schools). List what
  you think his or her background might. List what
  you think he or she values most. List what you
  think he or she will value in your personal
  statement.

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Step Two Gathering and Brainstorming
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Carefully Analyze the Directions

• If you are to write following a specific set of
  directions, then carefully read the directions
  several times.
• Are there different parts to the directions?
• Are you asked to provide different types of
  information about yourself?
• Divide the question into its parts and make an
  exhaustive list or cluster that answers each part
  of the question.

13
Example

• Discuss how your interest in your field or major
  developed and describe your experience in the
  field such as volunteer work or internships
  and what you gained from this involvement.
• There are three parts to these directions, each
  highlighted above.

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Activity

• AGS Kathleen D. Loly Scholarship Directions
• a one or two page autobiographical essay by the
  applicant that includes information about who the
  applicant is and what the applicant hopes to
  accomplish.
• Group Discussion How many parts are there to the
  directions above? What are they?

15
Activity

• AGS Ed Walsh Award Directions
• a one or two page statement by the applicant . .
  . This statement must include not only what the
  applicant has contributed to AGS, the campus, and
  the community, but also how involvement with AGS
  has affected the applicant.
• Group Discussion How many parts are there to the
  directions above? What are they?

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General Questions for Brainstorming

• What's special, unique, distinctive, and/or
  impressive about you or your life story?
• What details of your life (personal or family
  problems, history, people or events that have
  shaped you or influenced your goals) might help
  the committee better understand you or help set
  you apart from other applicants?
• When did you become interested in this field and
  what have you learned about it (and about
  yourself) that has further stimulated your
  interest and reinforced your conviction that you
  are well suited to this field? What insights have
  you gained?
• What are your career goals?
• Have you had to overcome any unusual obstacles or
  hardships (for example, economic, familial, or
  physical) in your life?
• What personal characteristics (for example.
  integrity. compassion. persistence) do you
  possess that would improve your prospects for
  success in the field or profession? Is there a
  way to demonstrate or document that you have
  these characteristics?
• From Purdues OWL. lthttp//owl.english.purdue.edu/
  handouts/pw/p_perstate.htmlgt

17
Activity

• Freewriting Spend a few minutes answering the
  following question based on the AGS Loly
  Scholarship Who are you and what do you hope to
  accomplish?

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Step 3 Shaping/Organizing Your Personal Statement
19
Organization

• There are three parts to a personal Statement
• The Introduction
• The Body Paragraphs
• The Conclusion

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The Introduction

• Introduction Many personal statements begin
  with a catchy opening, often a distinctive
  personal example, as a way of gaining the
  reader's attention. From there you can connect
  the example to the actual scholarship for which
  you are applying. Mention the specific name of
  the, as well as the degree you are seeking, in
  the first paragraph.
• Adapted from Indiana Universitys Tutorial
  Services lthttp//www.indiana.edu/wts/wts/perstate
  .htmlgt.

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Body Paragraphs

• Detailed Supporting Paragraphs
• Subsequent paragraphs should address any specific
  questions from the application, which might deal
  with your own qualifications or your long-term
  goals or some combination.
• Each paragraph should be focused and should have
  a topic sentence that informs the reader of the
  paragraph's emphasis.
• The examples from your experience must be
  relevant and should support your argument about
  your qualifications.
• Adapted from Indiana Universitys Tutorial
  Services lthttp//www.indiana.edu/wts/wts/perstate
  .htmlgt.

22
The Conclusion

• Conclusion Tie together the various issues that
  you have raised in the essay, and reiterate your
  interest in receiving the scholarship. You might
  also mention how receiving this scholarship will
  be a step towards a long-term goal in a closing
  paragraph.
• Adapted from Indiana Universitys Tutorial
  Services lthttp//www.indiana.edu/wts/wts/perstate
  .htmlgt.

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An Outline

• Turning your brainstorming into an informal
  outline may help you organize your thoughts and
  make sure you have addressed all parts of the
  directions

24
Example

1. Introduction mention that I need a scholarship
   to University of San Diego because I want to be a
   teacher. USD has an excellent School of
   Education.
2. Body Paragraph Mention how I have always wanted
   to be a teacher since junior high when I tutored
   elementary students.
3. Body Paragraph Mention that I have experience as
   a teachers assistant in Mr. Smiths biology
   class.
4. Conclusion Note that my desire and experience
   make be an ideal student for USD.

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Activity

• Create an outline for the following directions a
  one or two page statement by the applicant . . .
  This statement must include not only what the
  applicant has contributed to AGS, the campus, and
  the community, but also how involvement with AGS
  has affected the applicant.
• Introduction
• Body Paragraph
• Body Paragraph
• Conclusion

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Step 4 Drafting your Personal Statement
27
Drafting

• Write several drafts of your personal statement
• Using your outline as a guide
• Working within the word limitations
• Following an special formatting directions given
  on the application.

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Step 5 Revising and Editing
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Revise

• As you revise your essay
• Cut out any repetitious ideas or words.
• Add in examples and details that make your
  experiences stand out from other applicants.
• Change the order of paragraphs so that your most
  interesting ideas and best writing are at the
  beginning and end.
• Replace irrelevant information that does not
  address the directions with relevant information
  that stays focused on the directions.

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Editing

• Edit several times for the following
• Spelling errors
• Grammar errors
• Punctuation errors
• Typos
• Contractions and abbreviations
• Have several other people proofread your work,
  preferably a professional, such as a teacher.

31
Activity

• Revise and Edit Correct the statement below
• My interest in science date back to my year in
  h. s., where I in physics, chemistry, and math.
  When I was a sr, I took calculus course at a
  local college and earned good grade. It seemed
  only logic that I pursue a career in electrical.
• . . .
• I am highly aware of the rebutation of your
  school, and my conversation with several of your
  former students have served to deepen my interest
  in attending. In addition to your excellent
  faculty, your computer facilities among the best
  in the state. I hope you me the this scolarship
  from your university so that I may persue my
  studies at your fine institution.

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Corrected Version

• My interest in science dates back to my years at
  Merced High School, where I excelled in physics,
  chemistry, and math. When I was a senior, I took
  a first-year calculus course at a local college,
  Merced College, and earned an A. It seemed only
  logical that I pursue a career in electrical
  engineering.
• . . .
• I am highly aware of the superb reputation of
  the University of Nevada, and my conversations
  with several of your alumni have served to deepen
  my interest in attending. I know that, in
  addition to your excellent faculty, your computer
  facilities are among the best in the state. I
  hope you will award me the this scholarship from
  your university so that I may pursue my studies
  at your fine institution.

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More, More, More
34
Provide All Materials

• Often scholarships will ask for additional
  materials
• Transcripts
• Lists of Accomplishments or Awards
• Letters of Recommendation
• Be sure to include all materials in the
  application packet, or more than likely, your
  application will be rejected.

35
AGS List for Ed Walsh Service Award

• A list of the applicant's service to AGS, the
  campus, and the community during semesters the
  applicant has been a member of AGS. This list
  must summarize the major accomplishments semester
  by semester and give an overall impression of
  what the applicant has contributed to AGS, as
  well as the campus and community. Include
  estimates of the total hours spent on various
  activities.

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Analysis

• List the requirements of this list
• 1.
• 2.
• 3.
• 4.

37
Resources

• Writing the Personal Statement. Purdue
  University. 22 Mar. 2004 lthttp//owl.english.purdu
  e.edu/
• handouts/pw/p_perstate.htmlgt.
• Personal Statements and Application Letters.
  Indiana University. 22gt. Mar. 2004.lthttp//www.ind
  iana.
• edu/wts/wts/perstate.htmlgt.
• With a special thank you to Roberta Rivera
  (Puente Project, UCOP)