Money

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Money
Verse 1

• Money! Its a must!
• My lab was collecting data,
• Now it collects dust.
• Money! I need it to pay,
• My postdocs and students,
• Cause they wont take a TA!
• States not paying, theyre no longer our owner,
• What we need is a really rich donor.

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Money
Verse 2

• Money! We need a lot.
• Without liquid helium our
• Superconductors get too hot.
• Money! Lets print some.
• I wrote a new proposal
• But NSF rated it dumb.
• We got into Science, Nature, PRL too,
• But if MRL crashes what are we gonna do?

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Money
Verse 3

• Money! At proposal time?
• Inflate your broader impacts
• If you want NSFs dime!
• Money! To make a hit
• Do bio, info, nano,
• Or youre in deep -----!
• Paychecks late? Blame UI-Integrate!
• U of I owns the state, now the globe well
  dominate!

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Money
Verse 4

• Money! Whered it go?
• There arent any raises
• Just ask the G-E-O.
• Money, Wheres it at?
• My costs are still inflating
• But my budget is flat.
• Our Chief-lovin first-class-traveling Trustees,
• Are bringing us to our knees!

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Money
Verse 5

• Money! Cant get enough
• Fill my head with RG
• And field theory stuff.
• Money! Whats the point?
• Do Fradkins course
• Then work in a burger joint
• Nobel Prize? But Im not wise my thesis is a
  blank sheet
• Think Ill get me a job on Wall Street

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Money
Verse 6

• Money! Cant do without!
• Need strategic plans and metrics,
• Its what educations all about!
• Money! To hire today
• Offer million-dollar start-ups,
• Its like the NBA!
• A fancy new stadium is the Chancellors dream,
• Does Illinois even have a football team?

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