Persuasive Essay Exemplar

1
Persuasive Essay Exemplar
2
The essays title uses an imperative (a command)
and an exclamation mark for emphasis, and the
word choice of now adds a sense of immediacy
and urgency.

• Save lives now!

The title draws the reader in, making them wonder
how they can do such a huge thing as save
peoples lives.
3
The opening sentence indicates what the essay is
going to be about.
Alliteration - the consonant letter 'l' repeated.

• The gap between the worlds rich and poor has
  never been wider. While wealthy individuals are
  relishing in a lavish life of luxury, millions
  are being forced to endure an insufferable daily
  reality of poverty, conflict and lack of food.
  For these disadvantaged people, the hunger is
  unrelenting and the desperation overwhelming. The
  time for drastic change has arrived. It is up to
  you and I to make a difference before a
  significant proportion of the worlds population
  drown in an ocean of poverty. We must save lives.

Concise phrasing and emotive language
Powerful, emotive language
A metaphor is used to illustrate the extent of
the suffering. Although the water reference may
not be entirely appropriate, the verb 'drown' is
of course linked to death.
Triple or rule of three used to gain the
reader's attention and for ease of memory.
4

• The gap between the worlds rich and poor has
  never been wider. While wealthy individuals are
  relishing in a lavish life of luxury, millions
  are being forced to endure an insufferable daily
  reality of poverty, conflict and lack of food.
  For these disadvantaged people, the hunger is
  unrelenting and the desperation overwhelming. The
  time for drastic change has arrived. It is up to
  you and I to make a difference before a
  significant proportion of the worlds population
  drown in an ocean of poverty. We must save lives.

This also refers back to the title of the essay,
reminding us of the essays message.
This short, simple sentence is effective in that
it contrasts with the more complex ideas that
have gone before. Also, the imperative message
includes the reader alongside the writer - the
personal pronouns 'You' and 'I' coming together
as 'we' implying that 'we are in this together'.
This is an effective persuasive technique.
5
An appropriate emotive linking word followed by a
correctly placed comma.

• Shockingly, a child dies every three seconds from
  AIDS and severe starvation. Im sure youll agree
  with me when I say that this infant mortality
  rate is unacceptably high. Something must be done
  in order to help countless families escape the
  famine pandemic.

Again, the writer addresses the audience directly
by the use of a personal pronoun and draws them
in by assuming their agreement.
Use of the imperative shows that the writer is
committed to the cause.
6

• Unsurprisingly, there is sufficient food in the
  world to cater for everyones needs. So why do so
  many find themselves ensnared by extreme poverty?
  Millions of people worldwide are trapped in an
  incessant downward spiral, frenetically fighting
  for food, education...and their lives. These
  people lack money they are unable to purchase
  enough food to nourish themselves and their
  families. Inevitably, this continuous
  malnutrition leads their physical and mental
  conditions to deteriorate, therefore decreasing
  their ability to work. With no employment, their
  finances continue to diminish, leaving only one
  conclusion death. This unjust reality must be
  brought to an end before even more lives are
  lost.

7
Again, another appropriate linking word followed
by a correctly placed comma.
Rhetorical questions like this get the reader
involved by causing them, in turn, to ask
themselves the question.

• Unsurprisingly, there is sufficient food in the
  world to cater for everyones needs. So why do so
  many find themselves ensnared by extreme poverty?
  Millions of people worldwide are trapped in an
  incessant downward spiral, frenetically fighting
  for food, education...and their lives.

Concise phrasing and use of metaphor.
Two language features are included in this
sentence alliteration via the consonant letter
'f' and also the rule of three which builds to a
climax with lives.
8
This explanation of absolute poverty serves as a
convincing argument.

• These people lack money they are unable to
  purchase enough food to nourish themselves and
  their families. Inevitably, this continuous
  malnutrition leads their physical and mental
  conditions to deteriorate, therefore decreasing
  their ability to work. With no employment, their
  finances continue to diminish, leaving only one
  conclusion death. This unjust reality must be
  brought to an end before even more lives are lost.

Again, the imperative verb ensures that the
reader is focused on the message.
9

• How would you feel if you were one of the 800
  million people who went to bed ravenously hungry
  each and every night? You would lay, shivering,
  listening to the unbearable sound of your stomach
  crying out in starvation, whilst billions of
  individuals around the world binged on excessive
  amounts of food. How would you feel if you knew
  that the same insatiable people were squandering
  their surplus cash on unnecessary luxury items
  rather than donating just a few pounds to
  life-changing charities? 5 may just be spare
  change for us, yet it can feed an African family
  of 4 for over a week for them it is a matter of
  life and death.

10
Rhetorical question which addresses the
reader/audience directly by using a personal
pronoun. Emotive language ravenously
Continued use of personal pronouns to involve the
reader

• How would you feel if you were one of the 800
  million people who went to bed ravenously hungry
  each and every night? You would lay, shivering,
  listening to the unbearable sound of your stomach
  crying out in starvation, whilst billions of
  individuals around the world binged on excessive
  amounts of food.

Assonance - billions of individuals... binged .
Use of contrast - Emotive
11
Another rhetorical question which addresses the
reader/audience directly by using a personal
pronoun.

• How would you feel if you knew that the same
  insatiable people were squandering their surplus
  cash on unnecessary luxury items rather than
  donating just a few pounds to life-changing
  charities? 5 may just be spare change for us,
  yet it can feed an African family of 4 for over a
  week for them it is a matter of life and death.

12
Emotive vocabulary to make the reader feel
negatively towards greedy people like these who
waste money.

• How would you feel if you knew that the same
  insatiable people were squandering their surplus
  cash on unnecessary luxury items rather than
  donating just a few pounds to life-changing
  charities? 5 may just be spare change for us,
  yet it can feed an African family of 4 for over a
  week for them it is a matter of life and death.

Use of contrast
Word choice - just makes the amount seem
smaller, therefore making the reader less likely
to grudge donating money.
13

• How would you feel if you were one of the 800
  million people who went to bed ravenously hungry
  each and every night? You would lay, shivering,
  listening to the unbearable sound of your stomach
  crying out in starvation, whilst billions of
  individuals around the world binged on excessive
  amounts of food. How would you feel if you knew
  that the same insatiable people were squandering
  their surplus cash on unnecessary luxury items
  rather than donating just a few pounds to
  life-changing charities? 5 may just be spare
  change for us, yet it can feed an African family
  of 4 for over a week for them it is a matter of
  life and death.

This is a thought-provoking paragraph. Whilst the
writer is addressing the reader as a possible
victim, there is here a hint of accusation also
which might imply that the reader may be guilty
of these excesses and even more so, should he/she
decide not to donate. The statistics back up the
statements convincingly.
14
By including a case study / anecdote, the writer
is firmly basing the situation in real life by
outlining Zahra's daily struggles.

• Zahra is an Ethiopian orphan who, this time last
  year, lived in an impoverished shanty town.
  Tragically, she had lost both parents to famine
  and had negligible prospects for the future. Each
  day she would make an exhausting seventeen mile
  round-trip to the nearest river, collecting
  contaminated water to drink, irrigate the crops
  and wash with. She was just eight years old.
  Zahras chances of a decent life were slowly
  slipping away.

This triplet, or rule of three, serves to ensure
that these three activities stick in the reader's
mind.
15
The author continues the case study by explaining
what has actually been made possible to make
Zahras life easier. This emphasises the need
for monetary help.

• Fortunately, a well known charity has transformed
  her life forever. With a little financial
  support, they have managed to install thousands
  of fresh water pumps throughout Africa, one of
  which is just ¼ mile away from Zahras home.
  Moreover, she is now able to attend one of the
  hundreds of schools that have recently been
  developed. Zahra has a future.

This short sentence contains a profound statement
of fact.
16
This paragraph also is very informative yet more
convincing facts and specific details describing
what has already been done.

• Elsewhere, aid organisations such as
  MakePovertyHistory and Comic Relief are
  initiating food for work schemes throughout the
  developing world. These are programmes where
  adults are rewarded with food for their families
  when they build schools, dig wells and construct
  roads within their community. Such schemes are
  profoundly effective as they both nourish the
  citizens and supply infrastructure to terminate
  the poverty. Slowly but surely, considerable
  changes are being implemented.

Another triplet, or rule of three.
17
Again, a suitable linking word followed by a
correctly placed comma.
Slight alliteration helps to drive the message
home.

• However, these self-help schemes come at a cost.
  Although the aid organisations do everything
  within their reach, none of it would be possible
  without charitable contributions from us. By
  donating just a minimal amount of money, we can
  all play a part in the prevention of worldwide
  poverty. We can save lives.

The writer uses a personal pronoun to involve the
reader, assuring them that she is also ready to
give monetary help.
This short, assertive statement confirms the
message of the essay. It almost repeats the
wording at the end of the first paragraph and
refers back to the title, making it a powerful
concluding sentence.
18

• This is a well organised piece of persuasive
  writing.
• The information is carefully structured, clearly
  stating the purpose and communicating a variety
  of relevant ideas, from the more general to the
  particular.
• The author uses thought-provoking arguments and
  scenarios progressing to the final, overall
  purpose to persuade the reader to be generous
  with a donation to the cause.
• Powerful, emotive language is backed up with
  hard, credible facts which in turn are supported
  by believable statistics. An actual case study is
  included to add further credence. 

19

• By the use of personal pronouns, 'you', 'I' and
  'we', the writer ensures that the audience feels
  directly involved and this aids in getting the
  message across.
• A variety of other language features are used
  the numerous examples of ambitious, appropriately
  selected vocabulary, and punctuation markers
  which are accurately placed and varied.
• Some concise phrasing is present within the
  variety of complex sentences which flow easily
  owing to the inclusion of 'linking' words
  (fortunately, however, moreover, inevitably
  etc.). Such words also serve to link paragraphs.
  The longer sentences are interspersed by the
  occasional short, simple yet powerful, sentence.
• Spelling is accurate throughout.