Love and Autism

1
Love and Autism

• How to Be Single, Date, and Have Relationships
  When You Have a Child with Autism Spectrum
  Disorder

Christina Adams Author, A Real Boy A True
Story of Autism, Early Intervention and Recovery
www.christinaadamswriter.com
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There Are Many Single Special-Needs Parents

• More common for parents of kids with disabilities
  to split up
• Most disabled kids live with their mothers
• Many fathers have shared custody
• Most people remarry eventually

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Who Will Ever Love Me Now?

• Should you worry about being rejected because of
  your child?
• Eventually most people date again
• Other people have problems too
• Its all about the right match

4
You and Your Child are Valuable and Have Much to
Offer

• You have a special family
• Facing autism has made you a better person
• You deserve respect and love
• Your unique strengths and weaknesses are
  attractive to others
• You are loveable
• You can still be sexy too!

5
Dating and Relationships Offer Important New Life
Experiences

• Healing
• Self-discovery
• Excitement
• Taking risks
• Having fun
• Rewarding

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Start with Healing

• Self-healing is an important and continual
  process
• Recovery from old patterns is essential
• A former partner with ASD may have created
  challenges for you
• Cassandra Syndrome
• Stress of divorce or break-up
• Stress and guilt will pass with long-term
  understanding

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First Things FirstPractical Considerations

• Basic financial needs
• Employment
• Child and spousal support
• Custody arrangements
• Leave time to date
• Creative babysitting
• Make a list of your desires and goals

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Date Yourself First

• Update yourself
• Wardrobe
• Appearance
• Health and fitness
• Living space

• Have fun
• Activities
• Friends
• Education
• Spirituality
• Personal growth

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How to Meet People

• Internet
• Attracting the right person
• Screening out the wrong person
• Activities and groups
• Public places
• Supermarkets, parks, etc.
• Work
• Education
• Volunteering

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Who Should I Date?

• Has the basics
• Employment
• Stability
• Family-oriented
• Truthful/trustworthy
• Open-minded
• Patient

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Who Not to Date

• Players
• Anyone with psychological problems
• Controlling or overly demanding
• Substance abusers
• People with poor impulse control
• Anyone you wouldnt trust with your child

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Conscious Dating

• Learn about contemporary dating there are many
  ways to date
• Be aware of who youre dating and why
• Maintain your boundaries
• Keep a journal of your dates and your impressions
  and thoughts
• Include any red flags
• Listen to your intuition
• But not your fears
• Dont commit prematurely but be open to
  possibilities

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When to Tell Dates About Your Child

• By second or third date diagnosis
• By tenth date
• Real-life details
• Let them meet your child as a friend
• When things get serious
• Financial details
• Parental time required
• Long-term issues for child (lifetime)
• Remember to ask about dates serious life issues.

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The Stages of Dating

• First few weeks getting to know each other
• First three months make it or break it
• Three to six months
• make it or break it (Part 2)
• social pressures
• One Year
• If you dont agree on the future, you probably
  dont have one

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What To Tell Your Child

• Depends on childs functioning level
• Higher functioning children may express feelings
  verbally and behaviorally
• Lower functioning children may show behavioral
  changes or act out nonverbally
• All children need an explanation some more than
  others
• Asperger children may ask a lot of personal
  in-depth questions
• Keep explanations simple and age-appropriate
• Be honest they will sense your feelings

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What You Need To Know

• Emotional risks
• For you
• Your child
• Your ex
• Your potential partner
• Safe sex its important
• Physical precautions and realities

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Potential Partners Must Understand Your Child

• Persons with ASD are very sensitive
• To change
• To emotions
• Proceed slowly
• Benefits to your child(ren)
• Partners can be positive role models
• Role model a healthy relationship
• Create a more positive environment for child
• Any potential partner must be willing and able to
  coparent

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Issues for Couples to Address

• Discipline
• Caretaking
• Finances
• Special diets and physical needs
• Custody problems
• Special educational needs
• Best school district, where to live
• Legal counsel

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Cohabitation and Remarriage Is It Desirable or
Even Possible?

• Address needs of blended family
• Slow and steady for emotional stability
• Might take a while but can work eventually
• All children (NT and ASD) can benefit from
  sibling interaction
• Financial considerations
• Spousal support
• Shared expenses
• Two parents are better than one!
• More people to help and love your child

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Life Doesnt Have To Be All About Autism

• You deserve a full life
• Dont wait for your child to grow up
  that could be a long time!
• Your child deserves a healthy and happy parent
• Your child is a real childwho happens to have
  ASD
• A potential step-child
• A sibling
• Have a great time and enjoy your life!

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Love and Autism

• How to Be Single, Date, and Have Relationships
  When You Have a Child with Autism Spectrum
  Disorder

Christina Adams Author, A Real Boy A True
Story of Autism, Early Intervention and Recovery
www.christinaadamswriter.com