??? Home Life: Parents and Children

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??? Home Life Parents and Children

• CP Seminary
• Korea

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??? Home Life Parents and Children

• As we saw, some blessed couples are experiencing
  various difficulties.
• This is reflected in the situation of our blessed
  children.
• The education and example set by the parents is
  essential.
• True Fathers significant words on children, and
  childrens education
• ???
• ??? (Book Four, Chapter 9 True Education for
  Children)
• Sun Myung Moons Philosophy of Education
• Gathering for Reading and Learning Series Vol 4
  Unification Family Life
• Gathering for R L Series Vol 5 Raising
  Children in Gods Will
• Gathering for R L Series Vol 8 The Way for a
  True Child

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• Miscellaneous Books which are of considerable
  help
• Raising Children of Peace (Ed by Farley and Betsy
  Jones)
• A Unification text
• Outside books
• 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens (Sean Covey)
• Boys Should Be Boys 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy
  Sons (Meg Meeker)
• Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (Meg Meeker)
• The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families (David
  Niven)

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• In my family, there are 3 sons and twin daughters
  (and now, 2 daughters-in-law)
• Our experience
• Be concerned with everything (not intrusive, but
  concerned)
• Always encourage (praise more than blame) be
  free with praise
• Family traditions
• Prayer, special times (outings, movies, dinner,
  etc.)
• Attendance to True Family events
• Closing meeting (sing, pray, share, comment,
  report, etc.)
• Communication (often and open be sensitive to
  limits and borders)
• Weekly phone calls to everyone
• Daily phone calls to grandparents
• Try and set a good example in what you say and
  do, always
• Demonstrate doing nice things for other people
  (not just talking about it)
• Celebrate birthdays, special days, etc.
• Take life seriously, but dont take life too
  seriously
• Individual time for each child (always one wishes
  one could have done more)
• Your children are a part of you forever and ever
  and ever and ever
• Attend sports events, graduations, etc. if at all
  possible
• Let them know that you care, and are concerned
  (not by words, but by actions)

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• From David Niven (The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy
  Families)
• From raising children to getting along with
  in-laws, what do people with close and loving
  families do differently than those with strained
  or fulfilling relationships? Sociologists,
  therapists, and psychiatrists have spent entire
  careers investigating the ins and outs of family
  dynamics, yet their findings are inaccessible to
  ordinary people, hidden in obscure journals to be
  shared with other experts.
• This book has collated the findings and present
  the 100 simple secrets of happy families.

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Some Simple Secrets of Happy Families

• Taken from The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy
  Families (David Niven)
• 1 Be a good friend. Be the ultimate friend for
  your child. Be there for him/her. Be on his/her
  side. Let your child be who they are. Embrace
  them for it.
• Dont push
• Always encourage and be positive
• Always listen
• 6 Believe in Yourself to Help Your Family
• Be there, be loving, be understanding, be
  reassuring
• 7 Saying nothing says something
• If a parent senses something, ask about it but
  dont be intrusive
• You child should know that you are there for them
• 9 Dedication matters more than occupation
• Mission/family balance commit to loving
  dedicating yourself to your family

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• 10 Its okay to be right when everyone else is
  wrong
• The responses of children as they age from school
  age to adult shows that their feelings for their
  parents and family change, and that more than
  half feel more positively toward their upbringing
  as they age.
• Dont be afraid to be strict and set clear
  policies for behavior, etc.
• The curfew story (setting limits)
• 12 Tell your family story
• Share stories with your children about family
  history, etc.
• 13 Dont hide from your family
• If you have goals in mind, share them, so all can
  support you and create a good atmosphere

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• 14 You define a child everyday
• A family must show its unconditional acceptance
  to a child each and every day
• Some parents feel guilty about missing a childs
  event, and respond by buying them a toy
• 15 Listen without judgment
• They need to feel heard and to be understood. The
  way you react is important.
• 16 Closeness cannot be measured on a map
• Stay in touch communicate phone calls are
  valuable
• 17 Live your views
• Live according to your beliefs and the child will
  pick it up
• Feelings of closeness and high levels of time
  spent together can be influential.
• 18 Parents are foundations, not walls
• Commitment to education
• Never say we cant
• Family life is a team effort
• 20 Adjustments never end
• As a child grows, we need to grow with him/her
• Enjoy them as infants, teenagers, grownups

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• 21 Express your love (very Principled)
• 22 The bright side shines through
• When going through tough times, consider positive
  possible outcomes
• 23 Forgiveness depends on more than the apology
• From a foundation of trust and love, children
  accept and forgive mistakes we make.
• Much of the basis for forgiving negative parental
  behavior is rooted in the pre-existing strength
  of the relationship rather than in the immediate
  aftermath of the behavior, such as the apology.
• 24 Fatigue is a family enemy
• Try and keep your energy up
• 25 Jealousy is automatic (a very part of fallen
  nature)
• A sense of competition for attention in a family
  begins very young
• Aptitude is important so is attitude
• 26 Encourage persistence, not desperation
• 27 It is better to be fair than right
• When there is conflict, the perception that you
  are generally fair is more important than the
  perception that you are generally correct in
  maintaining the respect of family members.
• 28 Large or small, every family has challenges
• 29 Think of your family when you dont have to
  (visit them)
• 30 Dont let negativity build

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• 32 There is no price tag on family life (very
  Principled) budget is helpful
• 33 Calm questions get answers
• 34 Family life teaches us about relationships
  (very Principled)
• 35 What you see isnt always there I thought she
  was doing just fine!
• 36 Dont enter a generational competition
• That is not the way I do it When I was your
  age We did things better then
• 37 Expectations must fit the person (the perfect
  child? Be open to him/her)
• 38 Dont obsess over birth order (quality of
  relationship and satisfaction count most)
• Especially if you have twins this can be an issue
• Spend quality time with each child
• 39 Show up on time
• Always do what you say you are going to do. No
  exceptions, no excuses. Your word is everything
  to a child this is one reason why parenting
  is a full time job requiring lots of energy
• The root of trust in a childs life is being able
  to believe (and trust) his/her parents

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• 40 Communication brings us closer (very
  Principled)
• Dont be afraid to be honest with your family
• 41 Every person is in a different relationship
  (different bonds with different kids)
• 42 Satisfaction depends on where you look (it is
  right under your nose!)
• Take a look at the blessings which you do have,
  right now
• 43 Its not a popularity contest
• When you know to say no, say no, and dont
  compromise
• If you give in and say yes, the child may be
  happy, but ..?
• Remember the curfew principle (30 minutes every
  so often)
• 44 Cherish traditions (consistent family rituals
  very Principled)
• Meals, holiday celebrations, dates, family night,
  etc.
• 45 Work on your own terms
• Be sure that you are happy with what you are
  doing if not, maybe time to change
• 46 Encourage, but dont require, activities (let
  kids be free to expand)
• 47 Care giving is personal
• It is not just a job it depends on the
  relationship is there love or not?

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• 51 What you send out comes back to you (parents
  need to give)
• 52 The next generation will define family for
  itself.
• This may not be so applicable to FFWPU
• 53 Share your struggles
• 54 Beware of clothing disasters (it is important
  to kids)
• 55 Competition breeds loss
• Learn to cooperate and work together
• 56 Do one thing at a time (dont worry over
  things too excessively)
• 57 You will see the same things differently
• 58 Strictness can last a lifetime (laws without
  love can be a problem)
• Just how restrictive is your family life?
• Does punishment follow on punishment?
• Sound of Music a strict father, but Maria is
  more heartistic

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• 59 The in-laws are not the enemy
• They can sometimes help the Korean
  mother-in-law!
• 60 Share the housework
• 61 Write down your thoughts
• (keeping a personal journal is a spiritual
  exercise) (an excellent thing to do)
• 62 Pets are family too
• True Family Values members of the family
• Never judgmental
• Teach responsibility, etc.
• 63 Take comfort from routines (consistent
  routines are dependable security)
• This is like ritual and habit it keeps you
  grounded and far more organized
• 64 Tempers must be controlled
• Anger should never be an option

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• 65 Illness can have multiple victims
• It can be a large burden on the whole family
• 66 Not every piece will fit
• The triple object purpose (12 different
  relationships in a family)
• Not every relationship will have, at times, the
  same warmth, etc.
• 67 Use food positively (important aspect of
  dominion)
• Develop good eating habits
• 68 Self-doubt magnifies family problems
• A trip to Europe should not become a forum for
  complaint
• Well, things happened here too!
• Dont turn the speakers details back to yourself
• Dont engage in silly competition
• 69 Children need more than parents (a trusted
  adult is helpful)

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• 70 Rigidity isolates (be flexible)
• There are rules, but we need to be flexible at
  times
• 71 The more you give, the more will believe in
  yourself
• Extracurricular activities helping other people,
  etc.
• 73 Too much protection is a threat (kids need
  some room)
• Dont be overly protective
• 74 Experience helps but should not dictate (re
  grandparents advice not laws)
• 75 Low expectations are not a family solution
  (life without promissory notes)
• Always have high expectations about your family
  life
• 76 Emotions last longer than events
• 77 Even the dependent need some independence
• Especially for older people or senior citizens
• 78 Another view is a strength, not a weakness
• Different ways of seeing things
• 79 Distress is contagious (dont make your
  problems your familys problems)

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• 80 Family affects all aspects of our lives (very
  Principled)
• 81 Generations to come make us feel young again
  (keep close to a child)
• 82 Everybody must contribute to the work of
  family life
• 83 Be real (we need to be able to express
  ourselves openly to someone)
• Dont let fears hold you back make an
  environment to express honest feelings
• 84 The young and old want the same thing
• We are not all that different in the end
• 85 It will be a family of the world (families
  need interaction with broader society)
• 86 The most important inheritance is love (very
  Principled)
• 87 Disagree with each other, not against each
  other
• 88 Dont do everything together
• Outside interests can make a big difference in
  family life (and add richness)
• 89 Beware of television extremes
• These days, beware of television generally

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• 90 See the big picture
• Satisfaction with life helps us through specific
  events or challenges
• 91 Give yourselfnothing else really matters
• Job, intelligence, money? Just yourself 100
• 92 Its somewhere between easy and impossible
• Raising children, that is
• 93 Everything is relative (try and see things in
  perspective)
• 94 Make whats real into whats ideal
• Try not to have unrealistic expectations things
  take time
• 95 Its always a choice
• Family is a daily and an active choice
• 96 Everyone is equal but different
• 97 Continue
• Even when it seems bad just keep going (Hyung Jin
  Nim if in hell, just keep going)
• 98 We seek warmth
• Warmth and sincerity go a long way (past the
  external)
• 99 Can you do it? Ask yourself
• We need to feel personally capable
• 100 You make your family

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• Just as before, with husband and wife, we can say
  that secular studies do not offer sufficient
  guidance for the relationship between parents and
  children.
• There are good ideas, but very often it is short
  of the kind of life we are called to live
  possessing a ??? spirituality.
• The parental heart wants to give everything. In
  true love, many of the challenges mentioned in
  this study could be overcome.
• Consider these quotes from True Father (???)
• The parental heart seeks to protect children
  from harm and is concerned about them day and
  night. The heart of fallen parents can even be
  like this. (490)
• When considering the love in the parent-child
  relationship, there is a clear bond of life.
  Thus, as long as a bond of life remains, and as
  long as there is hope within that bond, love will
  surely remainthe degree to which you invest your
  life will determine the value you feel. (493)
• Parents are happy when their children outshine
  them. (492)
• Parents want to sacrifice everything for the
  sake of their children. (495)

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• Is there a limit to parents love for their
  children? Parents love their children not only
  during the childhood years, but throughout the
  childs entire life, and even into eternity.
  (496)
• The love of a mother or father is one of the
  greatest forms of love in the human
  worldParental love toward ones children is
  unconditional and unlimited because it is the
  mother of all kinds of love. (496)

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• What is the spirituality of ??? when it comes to
  the relationship between parents and children?
• There is no single answer it is unlimited in
  scope and dimension, because the parental heart
  is unlimited in scope and dimension.
• Every parent will know something of it this is
  true even for fallen parents.
• There are no hard and fast rules the family is
  the textbook.
• All must be based on the warmth of a loving
  sincerity, in the context of fulfilling the
  purpose of creation (triple object purpose of the
  family four position foundation)
• True Family as the model/example
• Pros
• Cons

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True Fathers words on the raising/education of
childrenand parent/child relationship

• See Sun Myung Moons Philosophy of Education
• 1 The Family is the Best Place to Learn True Love
• 2 What are children?
• They are the ones who teach you how much God
  loves mankind and let you have that experience.
  Through them you come to feel Gods tremendous
  joy when Adam and Eve were born in the Garden of
  Eden. Loving them is experiencing the immense joy
  of God.
• 3 The importance of the family and childrens
  education
• As parents, when you educate your own children,
  you should not teach them to love you only. You
  must tell them, Im a loyal citizen and patriot
  who deeply loves this nation. I wish to be a
  parent to patriots and loyal citizens.

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• 4 The responsibility and attitude of a blessed
  couple
• You must become an integral part of the
  neighborhood in which you live. How much you live
  for its sake matters deeply to your childrens
  education.Your manner of conducting yourself at
  home and in relating to your neighbors is of
  great importance in educating your children.
• 5 Important matters in the education of blessed
  children
• When educating your children, think of how to
  educate them to become the people who will do
  their best for Gods Will.
• Blessed families should make rules in the home
  with the standard of educating their children.
  Act in a way so as not to be judged by your
  children.
• 6 Parents are to set the example
• Exemplify conjugal love. Children will say among
  themselves, Dad and Mom are so happy together. I
  want to get married soon and live like them too.
  They will see it with their own eyes and catch
  on.

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• 7 Never quarrel in front of your children
• Your children should be able to testify that
  theyve never seen their parents bickering
  (fighting).
• Husbandsbasing all your dealings with your wife
  on the bedrock of Gods love, you must renounce
  the use of all satanic elements and mediums of
  marital communication that contradict the laws of
  heaven and earth. Please understand this.
• 8 Not everyone can educate the young
• Why are teenagers so problematic today? This is
  because they left the bosom of their parents
  love.
• The family is most crucial. No power on earth,
  whether national, economic, cultural, educational
  or religious, can counter the scourge of family
  breakdown and juvenile promiscuity. That
  prerogative belongs to True Parents.

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End