Roommate Conflicts

1
Roommate Conflicts

• Negotiation Strategies for Your Apartment Issues

2
Avoid problems before they begin

• Roommates inevitably are going to fight about
  something, but you can try to minimize the level
  of conflict by communicating early on about what
  you expect from each other. One helpful strategy
  is to draw up a roommate contract at the
  beginning of the semester. In addition, you can
  avoid many conflicts by practicing some common
  sense roommate etiquette.

3
Communicate with your roommate

• If something is bothering you, don't just ignore
  the problem and hope it will go away. It probably
  won't, and soon you'll have a long list of
  complaints about your roommate that you've never
  communicated. Your roommate may be wondering why
  you seem so annoyed all the time because you've
  never articulated what's bothering you. Yes,
  confrontation is difficult. However, it's even
  more to difficult to live with someone you don't
  get along with, so take a deep breath and talk to
  your roommate.

4
Attack the conflict instead of the roommate

• When voicing your grievances, focus on the
  problem, not the person. Attacking your roommate
  will cause further conflict between you, and
  chances are you won't get what you want.

5
Attack the conflict instead of the roommate

• RIGHT "We obviously have different ideas about
  how clean this room should be. Can we try to
  compromise?"
• WRONG "You are one disgusting slob and I can't
  stand living with you in this pigpen!"

6
Validate your roommate's position

• One great way to diffuse a conflict (and to get
  what you want) is to let your roommate know that
  you understand where he or she is coming from and
  offer sympathy. This may require some thought, as
  you need to be able to put yourself in his or her
  shoes.

7
Validate your roommate's position

• These kinds of statements can be very helpful
• "I know you have 20 credits this semester, so I
  understand that you don't have much time to clean
  the apartment. But can we try to compromise?"
• "I know your boyfriend is very important to you,
  and he's a really nice guy! But can we reach a
  compromise about how many hours he spends in this
  room?"

8
Say nice things about your roommate

• When you confront someone, it's very hard to
  keep the other person from feeling attacked. You
  can minimize this by saying nice things at the
  same time that you ask him or her to change an
  annoying habit. Try using statements such as
  these
• "You're a really considerate roommate, and I
  appreciate that you're quiet when I want to
  study! But do you think you could keep your side
  of the room neater?"
• "It's really fun living with you!. But you
  know, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't
  have drunk friends over in the middle of the
  night."

9
Be willing to compromise, but also stand your
ground

• To solve a conflict, you might have to
  compromise a little. However, if you compromise
  too much you risk being exploited. Figure out
  ahead of time what you absolutely must insist
  upon ("No guests after midnight because I have an
  early class") and what you can compromise about
  ("I'm willing to go to the library some of the
  time to study if you want to have your friends in
  the room").

10
Don't get other people involved other than a
Staff Member

• One thing that's guaranteed to make your
  conflict worse talk about it with your mutual
  friends and acquaintances. Chances are this will
  get back to your roommate. If you live in a
  residence hall, don't be shy about asking your
  Don/RA with help solving a conflict. However,try
  to resolve the situation by yourself first.

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• Source
• http//collegeuniversity.suite101.com/article.cfm/
  college_roommate_conflicts

Submitted by Sterling Crowe, Resident Don,
Nipissing University