HUMAN REACTIONS TO CONFRONTATIONAL BEHAVIOUR

1
HUMAN REACTIONS TO CONFRONTATIONAL BEHAVIOUR

• 1) Striking back 2) Giving in 3) Breaking off
• Striking Back - fight fire with fire
• They may be better at it than you, so you may
  lose
• Even if you make short term gains, you will
  probably endanger the long-term relationship -
  win the battle but lose the war
• Giving In
• - Giving in under pressure, because other side
  makes you feel that failure to reach agreement is
  your fault

2

• Giving in usually results in unsatisfactory
  outcome you feel youve been had
• It rewards the other sides bad behaviour, gives
  you a reputation for caving in easily and sets
  both of you up for repetition of the behaviour
• Breaking off
• It may sometimes be appropriate - avoids you
  being repeatedly taken advantage of
• May remind the other side of the importance of
  the relationship
• But costs may be high and you may regret it later
• It may mean you never develop the full potential
  of the relationship

3
REACTING STOPS YOU FROM THINKING CLEARLY

• - Which is something you really need in
  negotiations
• - The reaction may become part of the problem
• - You also tend to lose sight of your interests
• FU suggest you can choose not to react! Go to
  the Balcony! You mentally remove yourself from
  the conflict, try to view it objectively as if
  you were a third party and look for a mutually
  satisfactory solution
• Simply recognising the tactic is very helpful.
  Ury suggests these tactics come under the
  headings of stone walls, attacks and tricks
• But dont jump to conclusions one tricky
  incident creates suspicion, not a conclusion

4
YOU ALSO NEED TO RECOGNISE YOUR OWN
SUSCEPTIBILITIES

• Some people react to criticism or to being made
  fun of
• Others hate the rejection of their ideas
• Others react to being made feel guilty or to fear
  that people wont like them or that they are
  making a scene
• If you recognise your own triggers (hot buttons
  Ury), you can start to control them
• Maybe by thinking of your opponent as someone who
  doesnt know any better or
• Think of the other partys need to let off steam
  as having nothing to so with you his/her need

5
NOW YOU CAN BUY YOURSELF THINKING TIME

• Simply pausing and saying nothing may calm both
  sides, or may shift the pressure onto them
• It doesnt mean you dont feel the reaction you
  simply dont act on it
• Try reviewing the discussion to that point e.g.
  where have we got to? or Im not sure Im
  following you. This slows the process down.
  Dont be afraid of appearing stupid.

6
SUGGEST A TIME-OUT

• A range of possible valid reasons available -
  need time to think about it, to check it out, to
  consider your suggestion
• You can take a time-out without leaving the room,
  if necessary - introduce a digression!
• A helpful rule of thumb is never to let yourself
  make decisions on the spot go to the balcony and
  make the decision there then return and
  communicate your decision again, a number of
  possible reasons (excuses) are available
• Key learning point you cannot control them but
  you can control yourself!