Region 2 Overview

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Plain Language
ALC Plain Language Associates
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Presentation outline

• What is plain language?
• Plain language on the web
• New Zealand websites

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What is plain language?

• Material is in plain language if readers can

Find what they need
Understand what they find
Use it to fulfill their needs
And they should be able to do this on the first
reading!
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Plain language is more than words
Plain language includes

• Design
• Organization
• Layout
• Blank space
• Any other factor that helps you address your
  readers needs

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Two important principles in writing for the web

• The audience comes first

• Less is more

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How users read on the web
They dont.
They scan.
Nielsen and Morkes, in a famous 1997 study, found
that 79 percent of their test users always
scanned any new page they came across only 16
percent read word-by-word.
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Nielsen and Morkes recommend

• Web pages should use scannable text

• highlighted keywords

• meaningful subheadings (not clever ones)

• bulleted lists

• one idea per paragraph

• the inverted pyramid style, starting with the
  conclusion

• half the words (or fewer) than regular writing

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No one wants to see this on the web!
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The Ministry of Health has developed Version 16
of the New Zealand Influenza Pandemic Action Plan
(NZIPAP), which is the result of 18 months of
intensive work around pandemic planning by the
Ministry of Health, district health boards and
central government agencies. The NZIPAP
recognises that Maori, Pacific peoples, and
people from lower socioeconomic groups, who have
poorer health outcomes than the rest of the New
Zealand population, may be similarly
disadvantaged in the event of a pandemic.
Therefore, work is currently underway to ensure
that the specific needs of ethnically diverse
Pacific communities are recognised and addressed,
in the event of a pandemic. This work is being
led by a multidisciplinary Pacific expert group,
including primary care and public health
clinicians, academics and community
representatives. For more information visit
www.moh.govt.nz/pandemicinfluenza
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Plain language helps you fulfill your readers
needs and shorten your material.
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There are many techniques for achieving plain
language.
Here are a few of the major ones but there are
many more.
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Use
Logical organization

• Informative headings

Pronouns
Active voice
Lists and tables
Common words
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Avoid

• Hidden verbs

Abbreviations
Long sentences
Unnecessary words
Information the reader doesnt want
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Todays focus

• Use more pronouns and active voice.

• Use more and better lists.

• Use common words avoid jargon, complex words.

• Avoid unnecessary words.

• Focus on the reader.

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Pronouns and active voice

• Used together, these two techniques are a major
  tool for shortening and clarifying your material.

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Using pronouns

• Refer to your organization as we.
• Refer to the reader as you in the text and
  as I in questions.
  
• Make sure you define we and you.

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Passive voice
The person doing the action follows the verb.
A form of the verb to be is combined with
the past participle of another verb.
The frog was swallowed by Fred.
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Passive voice

• Can disguise who does what
• A frog was swallowed.

Active voice
Makes it clear who does what Fred swallowed a fr
og.
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Passive voice

• Is often longer
• The application must be completed by the
  applicant and received by the grants office by
  June 1st. 17 words

Active voice
Cuts the number of words We must receive your co
mpleted application by June 1st. 9 words
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Lets work on some examples from New Zealand
websites.
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Vertical lists

• Make it easy for the reader to identify all
  the items or steps in a process
  
• Add blank space for easy reading
• Help your reader see the structure of your
  document

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I found lots of lists on New Zealand websites.
I also found lots of places you could have used
lists to make material easier to read.
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The State Services Commissioners statutory roles
are to appoint and manage Public Service chief
executives, provide leadership across the State
Services, investigate and report on matters
relating to the performance of the Public Service
departments, provide guidance on integrity and
conduct to State servants, and promote, develop,
and monitor equal employment opportunities
policies and programmes for the Public Service.
It also leads New Zealands e-government
programme, has a central role in developing State
Services people capability and advises the
Government on the structure of the State sector,
including the allocation of functions between
agencies.
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• The State Services Commissioner
• appoints and manages Public Service chief
  executives,
  
• provides leadership across the State Services,
• investigates and reports on the performance of
  the Public Service departments,
  
• provides guidance on integrity and conduct to
  State servants,
  
• promotes, develops, and monitors equal employment
  opportunities policies and programmes for the
  Public Service, and. . .

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Dont make lists too long
Research suggests that lists longer than 7 items
should be subdivided for ease of use.
Highly structured lists such as ones organized
alphabetically can be longer and still be easy
to use.
What do you think of the following list?
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• Examples of major regional initiatives
• Northland - Tourism
• Auckland - Screen Production
• Hamilton - Technology
• Hamilton  - Aviation
• Eastern Bay of Plenty - Engineering
• Hawkes Bay - Food and Beverages
• Hawkes Bay / Nelson / Otago - Food and
  Beverage
  
• Tairawhiti - Food and Beverages

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• Rotorua - Forestry and Wood
• Taranaki - Engineering
• Taupo - Motor Sport and Tourism
• Wanganui - Tourism
• Manuwatu - Biotechnology
• Kapiti-Horowhenua - Textiles
• Wairarapa - Food and Beverages
• Wellington - Screen Production
• Marlborough - Food and Beverages  

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• Marlborough - Aviation Heritage
• West Coast - Tourism
• Canterbury - Geospatial Technology
• Canterbury - Wool
• Southland - Technology
• Southland - Tourism

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Lets look at it online
Major regional initiatives
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Heres another long list thats confusing, even
though its (mostly) alphabetical.
State Services Commission - work programmes
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Never array lists horizontally
Work programmes
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Use common words

• Use

• Utilize

Facilitate
Help
Obtain
Get
Resides
Lives
Regarding
About
Prior to
Before
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Some of my favorite complex words and phrases
from New Zealand government websites

• coherent tertiary education sector
• provision of reintegrative support services
• employment services and NZ Superannuation
• upskilling
• quality-assures secondary and tertiary
  qualifications

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Lets do a quick exercise with some more complex
words.
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• inform 
• purchase 
• appropriate 
• request 
• terminate 
• initiate 
• enhanced 
• leverage (v) 

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• You should also avoid

• Legal terms
• Foreign and Latin terms
• Sexist terms
• Insider jargon
• Abbreviations

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• Heres a good list of common substitutes for
  complex words
  
• Simple words and phrases

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Trim your material avoid unnecessary words

• Since we know web visitors scan, they dont read,
  we need to find ways to trim our material.
  
• The search for brevity is a life-long pursuit and
  can be very idiosyncratic.
  
• There are a few standard causes of extra words
  you can look for, however.
  

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Causes of excess words

• Redundant words
• Prepositional phrases
• Hidden verbs
• Excess modifiers
• Wordy phrases
• Passive voice

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Excess words - redundancies

• Redundancies are words or phrases you dont need
  because you have already said the same thing.

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Redundancies

• Later

• At a later time

• During that time period

• During that time, or then

• Worked jointly together

• Worked together

• Level of coverage

• Coverage

• Will plan in the future

• Will plan

• At least 12 years of age or older

• At least 12

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Unnecessary words - prepositional phrases

• Did you notice that a lot of the previous
  examples included prepositional phrases?

• Suspect prepositional phrases as a source of
  excess words.

• Try to reduce these phrases to one or two words.
  
  

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Instead of Use

• For the purpose of

• For, to

• At this point in time

• Now

• In relation to

• About, in, with

• On the grounds that

• Because

• On a monthly basis

• Monthly

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Excess words - hidden verbs

• Hidden verbs are verbs disguised as nouns. They
  are generally longer than their true verb forms.
  

• Hidden verbs are very common in bureaucratic
  writing.

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Conduct an analysis
Analyze
Present a report
Report
Make recommendations
Recommend
Provide assistance
Help
The use of
Using
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And while were on the topic of verbs

• Always use the simplest form of a verb that works.

• Simpler verbs are stronger than complex verbs.

• For example, use simple past when possible (we
  finished the project) rather than past perfect
  (we had finished the project).

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Excess words unnecessary modifiers

• English speakers use many excess modifiers in our
  writing and in our speech.

• Excess modifiers pad our writing, and often dont
  make sense.
  

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Common excess modifiers

• Absolutely, completely, totally, really, very

Eliminate them. If the resulting wording doesnt
convey your meaning, pick a stronger word.

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• It is absolutely essential that you contact me at
  once.
  

• It is imperative that you contact me at once.

• You must contact me at once.

• I had a really good time at your party.

• I had a wonderful time at your party.

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When you think about them, these excessive
modifiers often dont even make sense.

• Totally unaffected

• Completely finished

• Really pregnant

• An absolute success!

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Avoid wordy phrases
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Instead of Try

• In order to

• To

Prior to
Before
Has a requirement for
Needs
In the case that
If
In the near future
Soon, shortly
For more suggestions, see www.plainlanguage.gov
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Lets use plain language to improve some passages
I got from New Zealand websites.
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The last topic I want to cover is the most
important principle of writing in plain language,
including writing on the web

• Think about your audience!

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Websites should serve your audience

• Websites should not be about you.
• They should help the visitor find information or
  perform a task.
  
• They should be easy to use and navigate.
• Everything you do on the web should show you have
  your audience in mind.

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The most common problem I saw on New Zealand
government websites

• Lack of audience focus.
• Lets take a look.

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What do you think people want when they go to
this site?
Child,Youth, and Family Website
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They do not want

• information about a network of agencies
• who is providing the information
• your vision for children.
• Lets go into one of this sites second pages
• Suspect abuse?
• What do you think visitors would want from this
  page?

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• I think theyd want information right up front
  about how to report abuse.
  
• Instead, they get a dissertation.
• Nowhere on this page is there a clear heading
  that says Report abuse.

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Lets look at another one

• Youre disabled.
• You want to know what services the government has
  for you.
  
• So you go online and visit the government site
  entitled Disability in NZ.
  
• What do you expect to get?

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One more

• Heartland services
• You live in the heartland, and youre looking for
  a government service.
  
• What do think would be the best organization to
  serve you?
  
• Wouldnt you want to find the closest place that
  offers the service you need?

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I clicked around for about 10 minutes (much
longer than the typical web visitor would stay)
and never found a list of where to find specific
services. I did find a list of places, with the s
ervices they offered, but if the service I wanted
wasnt on the list, I was out of luck.
And even that information was several clicks into
the site.
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My general impression of New Zealand government
websites

• Relatively well written, overall, compared to
  many other government websites.
  
• Generally, design is pleasing.
• Navigation needs work.
• The biggest problem is the failure of designers
  and content managers to think about audience
  needs.

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Lets look at some more of your sites.