The Nonviolent Communication Model

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The Nonviolent Communication Model

• Adapted from Rosenberg, M. B. (1999) Nonviolent
  communication A language of compassion.
• Del Mar, CA PuddleDancer Press

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Premise

• Speaking listening play a crucial role in our
  ability to stay compassionate
• We can replace language that implies lack of
  choice with language that acknowledges choices
• Nonviolent communication is a way of
  communicating that leads us to give from the heart

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What does it do?

• A way to focus attention
• A way of communicating that leads us to give from
  the heart
• Guides us in reframing how we express ourselves
  hear others

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How does it work?

• By clarifying what is being observed, felt, and
  needed rather than diagnosing judging, we
  discover the depth of our own compassion
• In keeping our attention focused on these areas,
  we help others do likewise we establish a flow
  of communication, back and forth, until
  compassion manifests naturally

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Four Components

• Observation
• Feelings
• Needs
• Request

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Observation

• Entails separation of observation from evaluation
• Observations should be specific to time context
• Combining observations evaluations frequently
  sounds like a criticism

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EXERCISE

• Practicing our separate observations

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Feelings

• Requires us to distinguish between what WE FEEL
  and WHAT WE THINK
• EX I feel like he should know better.
  expresses a thought not a feeling
• EX I feel disappointed when he promises to
  drive within the speed limit and then gets
  another speeding ticket. feeling

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Feelings (cont.)

• Requires us to distinguish between what WE FEEL
  and WHAT WE THINK WE ARE
• I feel inadequate as a social worker.
• this is an assessment of ability as opposed to a
  feeling
• I feel frustrated with myself as a social
  worker. feeling

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Feelings (cont.)

• Requires us to distinguish between what WE FEEL
  and HOW WE THINK OTHERS react or behave toward us
• EX I feel misunderstood.
• Misunderstood reflects an assessment of
  anothers level of understanding rather than a
  feeling the actual feeling might be I feel
  anxious or annoyed

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Feelings (cont.)

• Entails expressing our feelings by developing a
  vocabulary of feelings that allows us to clearly
  specifically name or identify our emotions
• List of vocabulary words attached
• (this will help with the exercise)

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EXERCISE

• Practicing Expressing Feelings

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Needs

• Entails acknowledging the needs behind our
  feelings
• What others say do may be the stimulus, but
  never the cause of our feelings.

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Needs (cont.)

• When a negative message is communicated to you,
  you can choose to
• Blame ourselves
• Blame others
• Sense our own feelings needs
• Sense the feelings needs hidden in the other
  persons negative message

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Needs (cont.)

• The more directly we connect our feelings to our
  needs, it is easier for others to respond
  compassionately
• EX I feel because I .
• NOTE Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses
  interpretations of others are all alienated
  expressions of our own needs values.

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EXERCISE

• Practicing Expressing Needs

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Request

• Entails asking for actions that might fulfill our
  needs
• Requires use of positive language
• Requests should be clear, positive, concrete
  action language that reveals what we really want

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Request (cont.)

• Requests unaccompanied by the speakers feelings
  and needs may sound like a demand
• To make sure that the message sent was the
  message received, ask the listener to reflect it
  back

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Request CAVEATS

• Requests are received as demands when the
  listener perceives blaming or punishing will
  occur if they do not comply

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What distinguishes a request from a demand?
(observe what the speaker does if the request is
not complies with)

• Demand
• if speaker criticizes or judges if speaker lays
  a guilt-trip
• Request
• speaker shows empathy toward the other persons
  needs

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EXERCISE

• Practicing our Requests

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EXERCISE

• Practicing Receiving Hearing Empathically