Conflict and Violence

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Conflict and Violence
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Is Conflict Good or Bad?
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Frequency of Conflict

• Depends on
• Personality
• Similarity of Preferences
• Life Stage

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Conflict Triggers (Peterson, 1983)

• Criticism
• Illegitimate demands
• Rebuffs
• Cumulative Annoyances

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Topics of Conflict Vary According to Stage in Life

• Dating partners more sexual conflicts.
• Newlyweds abusive, inconsiderate, moody,
  disheveled.
• Midlife children
• Older couples recreation, communication

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Attributions Happy and Unhappy Couples

• Spouses in happy marriage make benign
  attributions, distressed couples make
  distress-maintaining attributions.
• Positive behaviors are discounted through the use
  of external, unstable, and specific attributions.
  Negative behaviors are internal, stable, and
  global.
• Assume partner is selfishly motivated and had
  negative intentions
• Bidirectional relationship between attributions
  and marital satisfaction.

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Middle Stage of Conflict

• Peterson (1983) Negotiation vs. Escalation
• Escalation generalization of issues,
  attribution of blame, personal attacks, demands,
  threats
• Revisiting the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
  Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and
  Withdrawal
• Negative Reciprocity

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Miscommunication

• Kitchen sinking drag several topics into
  conversation (e.g. its not just that youre
  always late, its the fact you drink all the time
  and hang out with those friends and never clean
  up after yourself)
• Off-beam jumping from topic to topic
• Negative-mindreading
• Interrupt
• Yes butting
• Cross - complaining

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Good Communication

• I-statements and XYZ statements vs. You-always
  statements
• Paraphrasing
• Perception Checking
• Avoid negative reciprocity
• Validate (e.g.I dont blame you for feeling that
  way, I understand that

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Negotiation and Accommodation

• Negotiation rational problem - solving
• Accommodation responding constructively.
• Caryl Rusbult 4 types of responses to conflict
• Exit
• Voice
• Loyalty
• Neglect

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Accommodation voice and loyalty

• Accommodation securely attached individuals,
  more satisfied with relationships, more
  committed.
• Accommodation can be a reciprocal process

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Demand - Withdrawal Pattern

• Women demand more criticize, complain, confront
  conflict
• Men withdraw
• In unhappy couples, this pattern is magnified
  but a reverse of gender roles is associated with
  marital satisfaction
• Why?

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Dealing with Conflict Types of Couples

• Unstable (Hostile and hostile-detached)
• Stable (Volatiles, Validators, Avoiders)
• Stable couples maintained a ratio of positive to
  negative affect of about 51. Unstable couples
  about 11 or less.

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Stable Couples

• Conflict Engagers
• Volatile lots of positive affect, but also lots
  of negative affect. A lot of arguing.
• Validating More neutral affect. Although
  couples may disagree, communicate understanding
  and acceptance of other persons point of view.
• Avoiders
• State feelings, and then close discussion. Refer
  to the passage of time as resolving conflict.
  Dont actively problem solve.

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Unstable couples Hostile and Hostile/detached

• Negative,
• a lot of attack and defensiveness.
• Demonstrate four horsemen.

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Termination and Outcomes of Conflict

• Peterson (1983) 4 ways conflicts can end
• Separation withdrawal without resolution.
• Domination One person gives in to the other.
• Compromise Mutually acceptable alternative
• Integrative agreements Both partners desires
  are satisfied.

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Is Fighting Good or Bad

• Conflict is associated with many negative
  outcomes.
• Yet, some research has found that conflict
  engagement increases marital satisfaction over
  time (especially in wives).

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Is Fighting Good or Bad

• Weathering conflict can make people learn more
  about each other, trust each other more, and
  improve conditions of relationship.
• Conflict per se does not have negative
  consequences Its the type of conflict.

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Fight Effects

• Hurt
• Information
• Resolution
• Control
• Fear
• Trust
• Reconciliation
• Centricity
• Catharsis
• Cohesion-Affection

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Violence and Abuse

• 51.9 percent of women and 66.4 percent of men say
  they have been physically assaulted at some time
  in there relationship

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Types of Violence

• Common couple violence
• Patriarchal terrorism
• Mutual violent control
• Violent resistance

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Gender Differences

• High level of wife to husband abuse
• But, women suffer serious injuries more often
  than men
• Women are twice as likely to be killed by their
  spouse
• Violence also occurs at a relatively high rate
  among gay and lesbian couples

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Correlates of Violence

• Stressful events
• Low income
• Little education
• Family background
• Cohabitation

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Dating couples

• Violence does occur among dating couples (22.3
  percent)
• Reasons why
• Anger
• Control (males)
• Self-defense (females)

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Why dont they leave?

• Economic status
• Long relationships
• Love
• Greater investment, lack of alternatives,
  satisfaction
• Abandonment panic