Conflict Resolution

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Conflict Resolution

• Glen Moriarty, Psy.D.
• (Adapted from U. of Wisconsin Human Resource
  Manual)

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What is Conflict?

• Think of a recent time that you experienced
  conflict. How would you describe what happened?
• Is conflict normal? Should it be expected or
  avoided?
• What is it comprised of?
• Disagreement or difference of opinion
• Fear of having needs, interests, or concerns
  overlooked
• Real or Perceived Threat conflict is often a
  result of perceived threat rather than an
  objective perspective

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What are Conflict Styles?

• Habitual ways we relate to one another and try to
  resolve conflict.
• Overview of the different types
• -Competing
• -Accomodating
• -Avoiding
• -Compromising
• -Collaborating

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Conflict Styles Competing

• Competing
• my needs are more important than your needs
• Asserting ones power over another
• Aggressive
• Typically masculine
• Escalates the situation

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Conflict Style Accommodating

• Accommodating
• Smoothing things over
• Yielding to others
• Too diplomatic
• Deny own needs
• Preserving relationship is most important

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Conflict Style Avoiding

• Avoiding
• "Perhaps if we don't bring it up, it will blow
  over
• Feelings get pent up because views go unexpressed
• Other person is often confused or unsure as to
  what is wrong with the avoiding person

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Conflict Style Compromising

• Compromising
• People gain and give in a series of tradeoffs
• Satisfactory, but generally not satisfying
• Each person remains shaped by their individual
  perceptions of their needs and doesn't
  necessarily understand the other side
• Often a lack of trust remains

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Conflict Style Collaborative

• Collaborating
• The pooling of individual needs and goals toward
  a common goal
• win-win problem-solving
• requires assertive communication and cooperation
  in order to achieve a better solution than either
  individual could have achieved alone
• brings new time, energy, and ideas to resolve the
  dispute meaningfully

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What style do you follow?

• Do you know?
• How would you find out?
• Where does your style come from?
• Why do you think you follow it?
• Would you be open to changing your style?

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Recognizing Conflict Styles in Others

• -Unique human ability to consciously observe and
  then change our behavior
• -Exercise of observing ego
• -Meta-skill - Becoming a Participant Observer

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7 Steps for Conflict Resolution Overview

• 1. Know Thyself
• 2. Establish Ground Rules
• 3. Take a Listening Stance
• 4. Assert Your Needs Clearly and Specifically
• 5. Approach Problem-Solving with Flexibility
• 6. Manage Roadblocks with Respect
• 7. Build an Agreement that Works

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Step 1Know Thyself

• Understand your unique way of seeing things. What
  are your insecurities? What are your hot
  buttons? What kind of people/interactions bother
  you? (e.g., the shadow).
• How do you usually respond in these interactions?
• Taking Care of Yourself the need for holistic
  living sleep, nutrition, exercise ---
  bio-psycho-social-spiritual

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Step 2 Establish Ground Rules

• One person speaks at a time.
• We will make a sincere commitment to listen to
  one another, to try to understand the other
  person's point of view before responding.
• What we discuss together will be kept in
  confidence, unless there is explicit agreement
  regarding who needs to know further information.
• We agree to talk directly with the person with
  whom there are concerns, and not seek to involve
  others in "gossip" or "alliance building.(e.g.,
  TRIANGULATION)
• We agree to try our hardest and trust that others
  are doing the same within the group.
• We agree to attack the issues, not the people
  with whom we disagree.

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Step 3Take a Listening Stance

• Prepare for Active listening by
• Taking a Deep Breath
• Minimizing Distractions
• Looking at the Person Keeping an Open Posture
• Focusing on Listening resisting the urge to be
  right
• What to do
• Encourage the other person to share his or her
  issues as fully as possible.
• Clarify the real issues, rather than making
  assumptions. Ask questions that allow you to gain
  this information, and which let the other person
  know you are trying to understand.
• Restate what you have heard, so you are both able
  to see what has been understood so far.

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Take a Listening Stance continued

• Reflect feelings - be as clear as possible
  e.g.,"I can imagine how upsetting that must have
  been.
• Validate the concerns of the other person, even
  if a solution is elusive at this time. Expressing
  appreciation can be a very powerful message if it
  is conveyed with integrity and respect. e.g.,
  "I really appreciate that we are talking about
  this issue."

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Step 4 Assert Your Needs Clearly and
Specifically

• Assertive Communication - Conveying one's needs
  and concerns clearly and specifically, while
  respecting the needs of the other party. It may
  be contrasted to aggressive communication, where
  one conveys needs globally and without respectful
  listening, or submissive communication, where one
  vaguely conveys needs in a manner that is often
  confusing to the listener.
• Use I-Messages I feel rather than you make
  me or other blaming messages
• Continue to listen well

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Step 5 Approach Problem Solving with Flexibility

• Identify Issues Clearly and Concisely Boil them
  down to the core ingredients Dont get lost in
  the emotion of it.
• Brainstorm AND defer Judgment have you ever
  offered a solution and then been shot down?

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Step 6 Manage Roadblocks with Respect

• Clarify Feelings reiterate both places -
  Discuss underlying needs
• Take a break as needed - Use a moderator if
  necessary
• What to do
• 1. When stuck, talk about how it feels set aside
  "the issue" for the moment.
• 2. Break the problem into more manageable
  elements. Start with a "bite-able bite" that is
  also a shared concern It probably feels
  overwhelming in its current form build a sense
  of confidence. You eat an elephant a bite at a
  time.
• 3. Validate and affirm areas of agreement these
  are frequently overlooked, as we have focused
  only on areas of disagreement!
• 4. Reaffirm the ground rules. Again, these are
  frequently overlooked at times of impasse, to our
  collective detriment.
• 5. Review the best case scenario that occurs if
  you do NOT come into agreement also, review the
  worst case scenario and the most likely scenario
  in you do NOT come into agreement. Is it worth it
  or should you keep working?

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Step 7 Build an Agreement that Works

• Review the process
• Discuss the conclusions you have come to
• Make a plan to implement the agreement
• Discuss criteria for ways to measure whether the
  implementation is occurring. Establish objectives
  that indicate if it is working or not.

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Conflict Resolution Exercise

• Partner up with a person and discuss a conflict
  situation that you have recently encountered.
  Explain the situation to your partner. How it
  began, what happened in the middle, and how it
  ended.
• Next, re-create the situation again, but use the
  7 steps of conflict resolution to imagine how the
  situation might have played out if you followed
  this process.
• Review each step to see your strengths and
  weaknesses for each stage in the conflict
  resolution process (e.g., Step 1 Were you
  rested? Or were you in the midst of burnout? If
  burned out, then what specific steps can you take
  to better care for yourself?). Describe to your
  partner what you think you did well and what you
  think you could improve upon.
• Identify 2 goals along with accompanying
  objectives that you can implement over the next
  week.

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Tips for Motivating People

• Clear Job Descriptions - laying down parameters
  is very important. People need clear boundaries
  and a solid idea of what their job entails.
• Measurable Objectives/Criteria use a likert
  scale (5 excellent, 4 good, 3 fair) to
  facilitate this. Have individual rate self and
  then compare their ratings with your ratings.
  During quarterly/annual evaluations.
• Create a caring, thankful, and safe atmosphere
• What do you appreciate about the people who lead
  you?
• When have you felt most motivated?
• What causes you to feel loyal?
• What makes you want to do a go above and beyond?

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Tips continued

• Use the metaphor of a path, journey, or calling
  to help people discover/see how their current
  role fits in the story of their life. Help them
  see that what they are doing IS important and is
  integral to the context of their larger life.
• Use personality tests (e.g., Nadines test, MBTI)
  to help people gain self-awareness. Show them how
  they can use their work as a means of increasing
  their strengths and shoring up their weaknesses.
• Use Incentives intermittent reinforcement is
  the strongest. Bringing in Starbucks or Panera
  Bagels is a great way of saying thank-you and
  I appreciate you
• Emphasize a team mentality show them how their
  role fulfills values that the organization
  embraces. Celebrate the idea of community (Monk
  Metaphor).

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Questions? Comments

• Thank you for your time.