After a Tragedy in a Community

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After a Tragedy in a Community

• Diane Moran
• 781.632.0401
• www.griefeducation resources
• dianemoran_at_comcast.net

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STIMULUS RESPONSE

• Stressor Stress
• (stimulus demand) (response)
• Men are disturbed not by things, but the views
  which they take of them.
• 
  Epictetus

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• Environmental Event (stressor)
• Cognitive Interpretation (meanings are assigned)
• Affective Integration (emotional arousal)
• Stress Response
• Target Organ Activation
• Excessive activation or Coping
• Stress-related disease
  Return to homeostasis

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NATURE OF DEATH

• Suicide
• Homicide
• Violence
• Mutilation
• Young
• Multiple losses
• Sudden
• Ambiguous (no body)

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COMMON TRAUMA REACTIONS

• PRE-SCHOOL
• Crying Whimpering
• Screaming Immobility
• Aimless wandering Fear
• Facial expressions Excessive clinginess
• Regressive behaviors Modeling parents
• Completely ignoring the situation

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COMMON TRAUMA REACTIONS

• 6 11 YEARS OLD
• Extreme withdrawal Disruptive behavior
• Poor attention Regressive behaviors
• Sleep problems Bad mood
• Dont want to go to school Somatic distress
• Irrational fears Anxiety
• Depression Feelings of guilt
• Emotional numbing

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COMMON TRAUMA REACTIONS

• 12-17 YEARS OLD
• Flashbacks Consumed by event
• Nightmares Depression
• Substance use/abuse Hopelessness
• Helplessness Suicidal thoughts
• Guilt Revenge fantasies
• Academic decline Idealization of dead
• Anti-social behavior Nervous laughter

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COMFORTING WORDS

• Im sorry for your sadness.
• This may be pretty hard for you.
• If you want to talk, to me or someone else,
  just let me know.
• I cant imagine how you feel.
• Tell me about her.
• Its okay to .
• I can just sit here for awhile with you if
  thats
• okay.

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• Dual Process Model of Understanding Bereavement
• Stroebe and Shut, 2001

Everyday Life Experiences
Regular World
Grief World
Grief work
Attending to life changes
Intrusions of grief
Doing new things
Breaking bonds/ties
Relocation of the deceased
Distractions from grief
Denial/avoidance of any restorative
changes
Denial/avoidance of grief
New roles, identities, and relationships
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Factors influencing childrens and teens
adjustments to lossDr. Robin Goodman, NYU School
of Medicine

• Type of loss
• Physical and emotional functioning of support
  systems
• Cognitive development of child
• Childs personality and temperament
• Quality of the relationship, if applicable
• Concurrent life stressors

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GRIEF vs. TRAUMA

• Grief generally does not attack or disfigure
  identity. Trauma generally attacks,
  distorts and disfigures our identity .
• In grief, guilt says, I wish I would/ would not
  have In trauma, guilt says, It
  was my fault. I could have prevented it. It
  should have been me.
• In grief, dreams tend to be of the person who
  died. In trauma, dreams are about the
  child herself or a loved one in place of the
  deceased.
• Generalized reaction Sadness.
  Generalized
  reaction Terror!
• Grief reactions can stand alone.
  Trauma
  reactions generally include grief reactions.
• Grief reactions are generally known
  Trauma reactions, especially in kids, are largely
• to the community unknown to the
  community.
• In grief pain is related to the loss.
  In trauma, pain is related to the tremendous
  terror and an
  overwhelming sense of powerlessness
• and fear for
  safety.
• In grief, a childs anger is generally not
  destructive In trauma, a childs
  anger often becomes
  assaultive (even if the trauma is non-violent).
• SOURCE The National Institute of Trauma and Loss
  in Children

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FACTORS THAT MAY INHIBIT A GRIEF RESPONSE

• Feels alone in her sorrow
• Adults cannot tolerate the pain of the child and
  therefore dont allow a response
• Lack of a caring, safe environment
• Confusion about the event and any responsibility
• Ambivalence towards the deceased or event

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FACTORS THAT MAY INHIBIT A GRIEF RESPONSE

• Unchallenged magical thinking
• Developmental issues that conflict in trauma and
  mourning
• Instability at home
• Reassignment of an inappropriate or unwanted role
  as a result of the event

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THE NATIONAL DATA

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death for
  teens.
• Suicide is second leading cause of death in
  colleges.
• For every suicide completion, there are between
  50 and 200 attempts.
• CDC Youth Risk Survey 8.5 of students in grades
  9-12 reported a suicide attempt in the past year.
• 25 of high-school students report suicide
  ideation.
• The suicide attempt rate is increasing for youths
  ages 10-14.

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• Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of
  death.
• Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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GUILT

• A person feel that she either did or didn't do
  something that led to the suicide
• If only the woulda, coulda, shouldas
• A person believes the tragedy is due to a
  wrongdoing she committed
• A person feels theyre not entitled to any
  happiness in life.
• A person thinks she isnt grieving correctly
• A person feels guilty for reason she cant even
  mention or think about
• A person feels guilty about continuing on.
• Source Miles and Demi, 1986

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ANSWERING THEIR QUESTIONSRESPONDING TO THEIR
EMOTIONS

• I knew he was going to kill himself.
• Nothing will ever be the same.
• Its my fault.
• This just cant be.
• Why am I so upset? I hardly knew him.
• The I wish
• My parents dont understand.
• I cant stop thinking about it.
• Im afraid someone else is going to commit
  suicide.

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THE REACTIONS

• Anger with potential for rage
• Extreme denial
• Escapism
• Suicidality

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SUICIDE PREVENTION

• KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
• Know the warning signs
• Each person is responsible for his/her own
  actions
• Suicide is often evidence of a mental illness
• There are alternatives to ending your life
• Survivors reactions are normal
• Social media THERE IS NOTHING BENEFICIAL ABOUT
  ROMANTICIZING A SUICIDE OR IDEALIZING THE ACT BY
  PORTAYING IT AS HEROIC.

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• You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest
  that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the
  present.
• Jan Glidewell

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COMMUNITY ASSISTANCE

• Parents
• School staff and faculty
• Therapists, counselors, psychologists
• Clergy
• Red Cross
• Community patrons

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MEMORIALS

• Get this policy established and have it apply
  uniformly.
• The ______Board of Education will disallow any
  and all memorials initiated, donated or purchased
  in memory of a student or staff member on school
  property.

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Dont curse the darkness light a candle

• Volunteer for an organization
• Start a support group
• Help someone you know
• Learn about your grief
• Download a favorite song of the person who died
• Write a poem or in a journal

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OTHER CONSIDERATIONS

• Graduation ceremonies
• Student in-services (car crash)
• Books
• College Boards
• Siblings
• Triggers
• Anniversaries
• Changing curriculum
• Gym and meditation

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SELF CARE

• Support system
• Humor
• Meet with each other
• Continue to be educated about pfa
• Exercise
• Good food