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• Offensiveless Defense with Two Rules

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THE ONLY TWO RULES WE MAY EVER NEED for

• Bully Prevention
• Suicide Prevention
• Homicide Prevention
• Much less need for Bereavement, Grief,
  Uncertainty, and Fear

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The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a
descending spiral, begetting the very thing it
seeks to destroy. 

• Martin Luther King, Jr. 

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The Problem is .

• 1. People hurting themselves as their
  (seemingly) last line of self defense.
• 2. People hurting others physically and/or
  putting down others humanness as their
  (seemingly) last resort when stressed. Parental,
  spousal, sibling abuse, school bullying, etc.

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The problem is

• Not enough parents and teachers bringing up their
  children with rules against this in the family
  and in their classes at school.
• Suicides, homicides, attempts thereof, and
  .Suicide attacks.Terrorism

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Solution Start with yourself

• 1. Take an immutable (i.e. dont revert back)
  rule to never again hurt yourself not
  physically and not psychologically. (e.g. even
  when you make a mistake, dont call yourself
  Stupid.AND worse yet.)
• 2. Take an immutable rule to never again harm
  anybody else purposely physically and not put
  down their humanness. (e.g. when someone makes a
  mistake, dont call them Stupid, etc.- Say
  instead, Thats a mistake. Get back on track.

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Without consciously taking these 2 rules,
you will seriously hurt yourself and/or other(s)
eventually, often resulting in a serious problem.
As parents or teachers its rarely too late to
introduce these two rules to your children or
students.
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Regarding spankings for young people. There are
learning spankings and there are damaging
spankings. Before the point of pain, attention is
heightened and learning can occur, if you speak
rationally and make suggestions while spanking.
Stop using damaging type of spankings that go
into pain, and result in the person
shutting-down, becoming resentful, and which
impede learning. You know the difference!
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Hypothesis- your life will get worse and
worse if you do not have and keep these two
rules your life will get better and better if
you DO have and keep these two rules.
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How Come Hurting Yourself takes away the real who
you were meant to be?

• Every time you hurt yourself, your unconscious
  mind takes it as the truth, and tries to make it
  more true. (e.g. if and when you first smoked,
  you started coughing and your body told you to
  stop. You kept going anyway, and after some
  period of time you probably found yourself with a
  lit cigarette in your mouth, not remembering when
  you lit it. Your unconscious mind took over.)

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How Come Hurting Yourself chips away at the real
who you were meant to be?

• Every time you hurt yourself, the real you gets
  buried a bit. Unless there was terrible brain
  damage, you were born to be flexible, creative,
  rational, intelligent, loving, and cooperative.
• Every time you hurt yourself, distress gets in
  you and interferes with your flexible creative,
  rational, intelligent, loving and cooperative
  actions.

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Instead of Hurting Yourself

• For example, instead of calling yourself a name
  such as Stupid, try a positive direction such as-
  I made a mistake, get back on track! Thats not
  like me! or if youre hurting yourself
  physically, such as smoking cigarettes, dont kid
  yourselfIf you are continuing to do anything
  despite negative consequences you ARE hurting
  yourself.
• YOU do really know the difference
• Research the best wayfor you to stop.to
  succeed and never give up.

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ARE you Hurting Yourself or the other person if
you say Goodbye to a Wrong or Toxic Relationship?

• No, you might feel sad. But to feel sad is normal
  and appropriate- probably right. Right for the
  other person too, because youre likely not to be
  right for them if they are not right for you.
  This frees you both up to look for a better
  situation.
• ONCE YOU SAY THAT YOU WILL ACCEPT A RULE NOT TO
  HURT YOURSELF, dont ever go back on it.

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When the caretaker (in the teacher or parent
role) is irked by a young person- eveb a
so-called light spanking or any contact is
usually not the best choice

• As the caretaker, you might go to hitting or
  wringing a coat, pillow, or some such soft
  inanimate object even using a belt or stick on
  such (whatever will provide the most relief for
  you.AND be interesting for the child to turn
  away from their irking behavior.
• You might even say

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Give details to your otherwise victim. Call what
they have done names, but not them names.

• When you (xxxx-exact details so they know the
  irking part) I get so angry that I want to bash
  you. But I wont because I dont want you to be
  hurt, dislike me, or stop being cooperative.
• E.g. Drinking too much is assinine, YOU are not
  assinine.

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This displacing performs several functions

• Discharges your own irritation
• Models offensiveless discipline
• (When applied immediately and not all the time as
  the only response to the childs behavior) it
  distracts the young person from their bad
  behavior.
• Gives you time to think of a proactive or
  redirective response. Walls are not for
  writing. Use this paper instead. People are not
  for hitting, hit here (e.g. a pillow) instead.

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ARE you Hurting Somebody Else if you slap, punch,
or otherwise make contact?

• You might look like you are, and you might be
  annoying, BUT you AND the other person (if not
  already distressed in this area) will know
  whether you have crossed the line into hurting.
  Humans know the difference. Thus pillow fighting,
  can be useful in that it can release anger
  safely, and be fun.
• SO ONCE YOU AGREE TO TAKE A RULE NOT TO HURT
  ANYBODY, dont go back on it.

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Learn OFFENSIVELESS DEFENSE

• Use your flexible intelligence in each unique
  situation to also stop somebody else from
  hurting you. Do it without going on the offense,
  without tit for tat. It might take all of your
  intelligence, but its worth it.
• Dont let fear get in the way of protecting
  yourself without hurting another. Keep thinking
  and speaking positively to the other, and dont
  shutdown.

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Know that People dont improve with blame,
reproach, and attack

• If you find yourself compelled to hurt
  somebody, it is often similar to the way you were
  treated badly in similar situations, or as you
  SAW somebody else badly treated in similar
  situations. Stop the cycle yourself or get help

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THESE TWO RULES, and Offensiveless Defense, ARE

• WHAT YOU NEED FOR SAFETY.
• WHAT YOU NEED TO REALLY MANAGE STRESS. Without
  them your life becomes unmanageable.
• NOW, IF YOU START WITH YOURSELF, IS THERE ANY
  OBJECTION?

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Taking 2 rules vs. teaching 2 rules- 3 Crucial
Teaching Times

• Child on your lap
• Sometime during Grades 3 through 9
• Adulthood before tragedy

• Slaps you Slaps self
• Bullies Gets Bullied
• Attracted to terrorist, gang thinking, or
  involved in tactics of intimidation, plans for
  assassinations, and attacks to control others
  Making harmful choices
  that lead to addictions, self belittlement
  depressed-suicidal thoughts

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Taking rules not to hurt self or another can
happen anytime- No harm to take them on faith

• Study involving question to the eldest of the
  eldest If you could go back to ANY age, what age
  would you choose?

• Counter suicidal thoughts by taking a rule
  against hurting yourself on faith- then do the
  work to set your life better- e.g. start
  searching for endophine production through having
  fun safely, gaining freedom, gaining competence
  and being close to others use positive
  directions against the distress or addictions
  concentrate on being well-rested, well-nourished,
  well-exercised, and well-organized. Get up move
  around do the next indicated thing trudge the
  road to happiness.

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Taking rules not to hurt self or another can
happen anytime- No harm to take them on faith

• Hurting somebody/others?

• Counter frustrated, angry and irritable feelings,
  and aggressive thoughts by taking a rule against
  hurting anybody on faith- then do the work to
  set your life better- e.g. when the feeling FIRST
  starts, note outloud Im feeling frustrated
  (irritated) and its not your fault. apologize
  immediately if you even slip a little into the
  realm of harm ask for forgiveness immediately
  hit something soft and inanimate if it helps
  with a belt if it helps stamp your feet if it
  helps pray and ask for an alternative course and
  listen for the internal answer if you can make
  sure you are well rested, well nourished, well
  exercised, and well organized. Tell this person
  what you would prefer they did Ask this person
  what they could better.

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Search under your anger and look for (and
express) grief, disappointment and/or fear. It is
probably there.

• Negative emotions stop clear thinking.
• Stop new fear (and all its forms from
  embarrassment to terror) and sadness (and all its
  forms from minor disappointment to major loss)
  from getting in you through changing what you say
  to yourself to positive directions.
• Discharge old fear and sadness (which already
  got in you) through the natural physiological
  methods, as you were born to dountil you are
  left with the ability to act in a relaxed,
  rational, flexible, creative and appropriate,
  loving manner. Instead of an emotionally laden
  memory, you will be left with an ordinary memory.
  

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Unfortunately, people dont improve with blame,
reproach, and attack

• Blame, reproach and attack shuts down a persons
  intelligence and cooperation.
• Instead of hurting somebody, start by SAYING (if
  appropriate) or merely thinking, Its a good
  thing that I have a rule against hurting anybody,
  because when xxxxx happens, I feel like (eg.
  Saying nasty things.wringing necks, etc.)
  because to me xxxxx is rude, wrong, etc. However,
  I want to help the situation to improve.

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Taking rules not to hurt self or another can
happen anytime- No harm to take them on faith

• Never give up!

• Examples of positive directions 1.
  There is an elegant solution to every real
  problem, and I will use all my resources until I
  find it. 2. If the entire
  situation is taken into account, every person is
  doing the very best that he or she can do, and
  thus deserves neither blame not reproach. This is
  particularly true of you.
  3. From this moment forward, I
  happily (solemnly) promise never again to treat
  anybody, including myself, with anything less
  than complete respect. This will mean xxxxx.

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Teaching these 2 rules- Toddler stage

• Child on your lap- even though their force is
  probably not harmful to you, (or to siblings)
  still take this FIRST opportunity to teach the
  child NOT to hurt another or self.

• Slaps you as hard as they (probably) can- Do not
  laugh gently take their offending hand firmly
  say NO! Grab a nearby pillow (or similar) and
  lovingly SAY- Be gentle with people. Hit here
  instead. (He or she will usually bash the pillow
  for a long or short period of time while you look
  on) Sometimes/often they will then switch and
  slap themselves.
• Slaps themselves as hard as they (probably) can-
  Do as above- Do not laugh gently take their
  offending hand firmly say NO! Grab a nearby
  pillow (or similar) and lovingly SAY- Be gentle
  to yourself. Hit here instead. (He or she will
  usually bash the pillow for a long or short
  period of time while you continue to warmly look
  on, with interest.)

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Teaching 2 rules Second teaching Crucial Time

• Sometime during Grades 3 through 9

• Bullies- Do not yell Firmly say NO! or Stop
  that! Ask them, or if in the actual situation,
  ask the most upset person What happened?
  (Listen to their responses and repeat it to the
  other person- go back and forth without judgment
  until solution is found by them. If the bullier
  seems to enjoy intimidating and hurting another,
  ask Did anybody ever do that to you? (e.g.
  pants you) If yes, say, Im sorry that
  happened to you. (even yell) It should never
  have happened, etc.

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Teaching 2 rules Second teaching Crucial Time

• Sometime during Grades 3 through 9

• Tells you gets teased and/or bullied- Neither
  baby them nor rush off to GET the offending one
  (perhaps yet). First ask for the details and
  listen carefully to their answer and reflect the
  feelings you think you notice Say, You look
  (sad) (angry) (scared) (embarrassed) and Im
  sorry that happened to you. (even yell) It
  should never have happened, etc. Then say, I
  have some ideas of what to say and how to stop
  the bully/teasing. Let me show you? Then teach
  3-6 offensiveless defense ways while you roleplay
  him responding with humor (Very funny!), facts
  (You dont have to tell me Im heavy, Ive got a
  mirror!, and looking into their eye while
  blocking and saying- You could hurt me and I
  might hurt you, and then we both might be a
  wreck. Take all the time needed until they are
  ready. Even write the words out clearly for them
  to practice with you.

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Teaching 2 rules to an Adult -Teaching the
meaning, asking for acceptance.

• This is a difficult time to introduce the rules
  because the person is no longer being raised by
  parents or under school authority- Thus the topic
  needs to be raised by a trusted person.

• Any adult who is doing anything that is harmful
  to themselves, including self-denigration, self
  abusive or suicidal thoughts. Start by saying,
  It seems you havent yet taken a rule NOT to
  hurt yourself (physically and psychologically)?
  (Listen) Next ask, Has anybody ever asked you
  to take a rule to never again hurt yourself?
  (Listen- and respectfully and clearly address
  any and all of their objections to taking such a
  rule) For a self hating egocentric individual,
  you might need to ask, Do you think it would be
  good for ME to hurt myself? (Listen for them to
  say no) Well, YOU are a person too. Lastly ask
  Are you willing to take a rule from this day
  forward not to hurt yourself? When you get a
  yes, add If you have any trouble keeping it,
  will you please call on me so we can deal with
  it?

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Therapist or trusted person with rapport-
teaching the 2 rules to Adults who dont have
them- Getting to Acceptance

• To rehabilitate an adult already in the criminal
  justice system or stop one who may be headed that
  way from later committing battery, assault, acts
  of terrorism, etc. is the most difficult
  intervention, and requires full caring and a time
  commitment by the teacher.

• From an emotionally /or physically abusing
  parent or spouse, to the terrorist or gang member
  who has been trained to think and value tactics
  of intimidation, attacks, and even assassination
  to gain control over others, or governments.
  Start from where you can. First, get their
  attention-- preferably before or in the early
  stages. Then make sure you say that YOU have a
  rule not to hurt anybody. (Demonstrate on their
  wrist what that means, if appropriate) Then
  

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Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2
rules to toddlers who dont have them- (In my
experience and practice)is about 2 to 10 minutes
unless there are sibling issues in their setting,
then longer (see teaching to young people).

• Without even learning what is actually meant,
  toddlers without brain damage can be quite
  easily redirected not to again purposefully hurt
  themselves or try to hurt another nonthreatening
  adult.

• Since a toddler shouldnt be alone, it will take
  an adult who knows how to do the following to
  teach this
• They must first be caught in the act of trying
  to hurt themself or somebody else. This gives the
  opportunity to intervene and teach.

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Toddlers without brain damage want to cooperate,
and will do as you suggest, as long as they
understand what you suggest, and you havent
distressed them by not keeping the rule of not
hurting them.

• Grab a pillow or something equivalent while
  fairly loudly and sternly saying NO!
• Do not laugh gently take their offending hand or
  foot, and while you demonstrate, say

• Hit (Kick) here instead.
• Be gentle to me (yourself me, her, him), and
  bash the pillow instead.
• Keep a warm, aware, interested look on your face
  all the while they hit or kick the pillow, no
  matter how red or sweaty they get doing it.
  Until they are finished and go on to doing
  anything else except trying to hurt themselves or
  another.

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Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2
rules and offensiveless defense to young people
who dont have them- (In my experience and
practice)

• Learning what is actually meant, and not meant by
  taking the two rules is the first step.

• After you are sure they know the definition of
  the 2 rules, tell them whatever works (without
  physically or emotionally hurting them of course)
  Words such as You are not going to hurt each
  other (or themself) It is not acceptableYou
  will only make (the other person or yourself)
  worse.It is not the answer., etc. This can be
  enough for some young people, but usually it
  isnt.

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Teaching offensiveless defense to young people

• Some young people will need examples of
  offensiveless defense responses in every
  emotionally laden situation until they are
  mature. Others may only need good examples here
  and there in dribs and drabs. Some have had a
  concerted 3 hour period to get what is actually
  meant, and how to carry out offensiveless defense
  responses in their hardest areas, and then have
  been able to carry on just fine from thereon out
  with no more demonstrations, lectures, etc.
  needed.

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Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2
rules and offensiveless defense to young people
who dont have them- (In my experience and
practice)

• Learning what is actually meant, and not meant by
  taking the two rules is the first step.

• Explain that they will only make themselves (or
  the other person) worse.It is not the answer to
  their problems and it doesnt make others behave
  better by hurting them. However telling others
  that you could hurt them, but CHOOSE not to,
  usually has a salubrious effect. Even after
  acceptance, more teaching is usually needed to
  learn enough offensiveless responses.
  (Demonstrations help)

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Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2
rules and offensiveless defense to adults who
dont have them- (In my experience and practice)

• After defining the 2 rules until they can repeat
  them, tell them it may take time to notice all
  the ways that you are hurting yourself. Explain
  that they will only make themselves (or the other
  person) worse.It is not the answer to making
  others behave better..It usually takes adults
  the longest to both get what is actually
  meant, and even after acceptance, more teaching
  is needed to learn enough offensiveless responses
  or how to change. (Demonstrations are often
  useful.

• Learning what is actually meant, and not meant by
  taking the two rules and remembering the 2 rules
  can be simple and quick (as quickly as you can
  explain it) for some, or slow and misconstrued by
  others, even smart adults.
• Getting to Acceptance usually takes a few
  examples and questions by the adults. Ask first
  if it is themselves or somebody else who they
  think they would have the most difficulty with
  keeping the 2 rules.

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Stopping Adults from Abusing

• If the adult notes it is somebody else, ask for
  the first name of someone in their current life
  who it would be most difficult to keep the 2
  rules for. Then plan with them some offensiveless
  defense responses to come up with a viable plan
  to help them. By learning this, they will be
  ready to handle the others in their lives. Give
  them a role reversal demonstration of your using
  the plan, and have them write it down, as they
  will need to practice. Without practice they will
  forget how to defend without harming.
• Getting them to exchange their old abusive
  response(s) to nonabusive suggestions and
  reactions can take one example, or up to years of
  cognitive, behavioral, or psychotherapy. or
  confinement if they commit violent acts.

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Assessing Adults Self-Harm

• If the adult notes it is themself, ask them what
  they are doing, or point out in a way that they
  can agree, what it is that is causing them harm.
  (Physical ways -such as smoking or drinking more
  than has been found to be healthy-, or
  emotionally putting themselves down.)
• Then ask, Are you willing to stop?
• Your response depends on whether the answer is
  yes or no. If they answer No, ask if they
  are saying no because they just dont know YET
  how to stop, or is it more serious than that. If
  they dont respond yes to Wouldnt you think
  that I (or anybody else you know they respect)
  should take a rule not to hurt myself?.And you
  are a person too. , then they are severely
  shutdown and at risk. This rarely happens if they
  are following along with you.
• If they answer Yes ask them if they can just
  do it, or will they need outside help or a plan
  as to how to do it. Refer them to somebody who
  can, or if appropriate and you are able, give
  them a demonstration or a plan, and write it for
  them to practice or implement so as not to hurt
  themselves anymore.

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What is actually not meant, by taking the two
rules
Anything other than actual physical harm or
actually saying directly TO THEM that which puts
down their humanness (e.g. puts down their
intelligence, underlying lovability, and
underlying ability to be cooperative- separate
from any distress patterns).
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Because People dont really improve with blame,
reproach, and attack

• SAY, There must be an important reason that you
  are resorting to this (summarize what you see as
  the bad situation).

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At the extreme

• We have heard of people in gangs killing- in
  order to have a tear tattoo and initiation into
  a gang. America knows of jihad because we do
  not follow the ways of the Moslem extremists.
  Also, for the about 1 to 2 sociopaths and
  psychopaths in the population, containing or
  jailing seems to be the only current effective
  solution. In this examiners opinion, using
  offensive defense, rather than offensiveless
  defense, leads to more retaliation by otherwise
  good people as well as leading to others
  justifying their offensive methods.

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It may have worked out better if the
training began in early toddler age, or at the
second crucial stage, while in school.In the
U.S.A., approximately 20 of students report
having been bullied (1993 survey of the nature
and extent of bully/victim problems in
junior/middle and secondary schools) One in
five. Bullying and teasing tops the list of
childrens school troubles 86 of 12-15 year
olds say teasing and bullying occur at their
schools, and rank teasing and bullying as big
problems, ranking this issue higher than racism,
the pressures to try drugs or to have sex.Report
in spring, 2001 by the Kaiser Family Foundation
and Nickelodeon that Until then bullying was
often overlooked.
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Fear, Anger, Sadness, Tension (negative emotions)
stop clear rational thinking

• Using negative emotions as guides to action
  creates irrational and imprisoning decisions and
  damaging actions.
• Instead, remind or teach that what is rational,
  flexible, creative and intelligent is the best
  guide to action.

45
Negative emotions stop clear rational thinking

• Stop negative emotions from getting in you
  through changing what you say to yourself to
  positive directions, as a first line of defense.
  
• If too late, then discharge prior negative
  emotions that did get into you, by using the
  natural physiological method, as you were born to
  dountil you are left with the ability to act in
  a relaxed, rational, flexible, creative and
  appropriate manner, without fear, anger, sadness,
  tension or even boredom.

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How come hurting somebody detracts from or takes
away part of the good person who they were meant
to be?

• Every time you hurt anybody else, it adds more
  distress to them, and they become even worse
  especially because it puts negative emotions in
  them, and crowds out their friendliness and
  cooperativeness. It also makes their thinking
  less clear.
• Especially in families and at school, most people
  hurt another because they are trying to get that
  person to act better. Some people have been hurt
  themselves so much that they are passing on the
  pattern, like passing on a common cold. But they
  need to be stopped without further hurt.

47
Watch and Listen

• Just about every time something goes wrong in
  life, in a movie or in a book, it is because
  somebody has hurt somebody or themselves, and
  they dont have conscious rules not to hurt
  themselves or another.
• If somebody WANTS to experience hurt, even death,
  dont worryaccidents will happen AND nobody has
  ever lived forever yet.

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In homes bullying is often
overlooked between siblings, or is used as a
method of adult coping with a young person.
(This includes physical aggression, verbal
assault, as well as being intentionally
excluded.)These young people often grow up using
a similar poor coping method.
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Bullying has often been overlooked at school too.

• At school, students report being victims of
  bullying during school. (This may include
  physical contact, verbal assault, making obscene
  gestures or even facial expressions, as well as
  being intentionally excluded.)
• Are exposed repeatedly over time, to intentional
  injury or discomfort inflicted by one or more
  people.
• Teachers rarely detected bullying, and intervened
  in only 4 of all incidents. (1999)

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Where do most bullying incidents occur?

• At school - In places with little adult
  supervision such as playgrounds and hallways.
• Anywhere at home When somebody feels thwarted,
  wants to control, or thinks they are infringed
  upon.

51
When incidents of bullying incidents at school,
home, or .anywhere in countries of the world

• Sympathy for the Underdog grows and gathers up
  others with an angry response to the bullier
  usually leading to more violence.

52
Who are the victims Why them?

• Victims in school are generally less popular,
  more anxious, more insecure.
• Victims reactions may only reinforce the
  bullies sense of power.
• (Students) attitudes regarding bullying indicate
  that they believe that the bullied (students) are
  at least partly to blame for their victimization.

53
Students attitudes regarding bullying

• Not only do other students believe that the
  bullied students are at least partly to blame for
  their victimization.
• Students also believe that bullying makes the
  victims tougher.
• Students very often believe that teasing is
  simply done in fun.

54
Between former friends, versus conflict between
strangers.

• When former friends have a problem, a solution
  can reconnect the two people as good as or better
  than ever.

• When they are strangers or only vaguely know
  each other, it becomes more difficult to
  communicate - even so, a solution may be reached
  with help from a trusted outsider.

55
Bullying has serious consequences

• For victims
• For perpetrators
• For school and the home

• Victims report feelings of vengefulness, anger
  and self-pity after an incident
• Students who engage in aggressive and bullying
  behaviors may take part in criminal and
  aggressive behavior after adolescence

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Left Untreated

• Victims reactions of feelings of vengefulness,
  anger and self-pity can evolve into
• Depression
• Physical Illness
• Suicide/Homicide ideation and
  attempts

57
We can no longer dismiss teasing and bullying as
part of growing up

• How can bullies be stopped?
• How can students be taught to be more
  understanding of one another?
• How can staff and parents help students deal with
  teasing and taunting?
• How can thin- skinned students become more
  resilient?

58
Secure agreement not to harm physically and/or
emotionally

• Obtain success by striving to avoid being
  frustrated or angry by the persons/students
  patterns. Use a please pass the salt tone of
  voice while asking for willingness to keep an
  agreement not to harm. Allow them to argue with
  you, in order to know their thinking, and in
  order to counteract their irrational thoughts
  with reason. It will keep the natural affection
  between the helper and person-inside-the-bullier
  alive.

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Are you willing?

• Never again to treat anyone, including yourself,
  with anything less than COMPLETE RESPECT?

60
Are you willing?

• From this moment forward to take a rule not to
  hurt anybody or put down their humanness?

61
EVERYTHING ELSE IS ACCEPTABLE

• Just say NO to hurting yourself or another.
• Choose from the vast array of all things that
  dont break those 2 rules. Let the rest go by.
  You know the difference.

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With Only these 2 rules it is very likely

• Your life will get better and better.
• Your life will be more worthwhile, and full of
  interesting and warm creative possibilities.
• You will feel happier, relaxed and have more zest
  and energy.
• Two rules are easier to remember than more.

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With ONLY these 2 rules

• Aside from ill health and accidents, rarely will
  there be a need to grieve..No suicides to grieve
  over. No homicides to grieve over. Sure, there
  will still be accidents here and there, and
  nobody has yet lived forever, but purposeful
  harming would be eliminated.

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Without BOTH of these rules

• Your life will get worse and worse.
• Your life will be full of trouble, even possibly
  doom and gloom.
• You will be sad, angry, frustrated, tense,
  anxious and/or scared more often than not.
• People will want revenge if you harm them.

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THESE TWO RULES ARE

• WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS FOR SAFETY.
• NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY OBJECTION?

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Examples of offensiveless defense- to replace
breaking either safety rule.

• In Ron Howards movie, Cinderella Man    Now
  youve got your wife fighting YOUR battles! says
  the prodder- looking for a fight Yea, isnt she
  SOMETHING?, says the hero

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Example of offensiveless defense

• My son walking between two people readying to
  fight. He warmly looked at one, then the other,
  as he firmly said ONCE, Youre not going to hurt
  each other. I saw them both turn around and
  walk in opposite ways.

68
Will you please ready yourself to use
offensiveless defenses of your own?

• There are countless ways. Some will give better
  results than others. Get ready to use one after
  another, until you get results.

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Possible interfering Issue. Joking

• Person says they are joking when they name call,
  and you doubt that they were joking.
• You (or somebody) are jokingly hitting somebody
  (and they know it), and they ACT like you really
  hurt them.

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Handling Joking- suggestion of possible
solutions

• Use a tone of voice like you believe them and
  sincerely reply
• Example 1-Oh, I hope you ARE joking, cause I
  wouldnt want to ever make you mad enough to call
  me a name like that! If they do it again, Say-
  Im not (stupid) (a bastard) (gay), etc. and I
  dont call you names. (Also apologize, say you
  were wrong, and stop it if you ever did call them
  offensive names.) Perhaps add, If I WAS (e.g.
  gay, mentally retarded, my parents never married,
  etc.), I still should be treated respectfully
  anyway.
• Example 2- Oh, I really didnt mean to hit you
  hard enough to hurt you. If they fess up,
  thats great, but if they do hit too hard again
  when you touch them, dont touch them anymore.
  There are others you can have that kind of fun
  with if you want.

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If Rules are not to be broken.

• What about the adage, The exception proves the
  rule?

72
If Rules are not to be broken.

• One does not HAVE to keep these two rules
• CHOICE remains- It is this writers opinion that
  Life will not work well by failing to keep those
  two rules. See if it is your opinion too.

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Suggestions are merely preferences

• Because life might work out quite a bit more
  successfully if some suggestions are embraced.

• Examples of suggestions that have made many
  peoples lives work out better are

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Useful Suggestions
Be well-rested, well-nourished, well-excercised,
and well-organized. Dont say things that are not
true. Be honest. Pay the cashier. Do not take
things that do not belong to you. D
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YOU MEET SOMEONE or are WITH SOMEBODY WITHOUT
THOSE RULES, and you think you may be in danger?

• THINK!!!! What can I do now to protect myself
  from being hurt, also without harming THIS
  person?
• Then, if you want to staywhat can I say that
  might plant the seed or encourage this person to
  take these two rules, as I have?

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In 2005, when this was written, we have enough
resources to have a Garden of Eden on Earth

• Buckminster Fuller, the mathematician who
  introduced the geodesic dome said Human
  salvation depends on human cooperation.
• What we have still standing in the way of Eden is
  distress and not enough of us teaching the 2
  rules to others, all the way to acceptance.
• Will you please join me in taking, and also in
  teaching the rules to your constituents?

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Summary AND please excuse my repetitions. Im
surprised and happy if you read this far.

• lf someone looks at getting to Happiness while on
  the Bridge of Life, one could practice and use
  offensiveless defense whenever and wherever
  necessary, while trudging the road of suggestions
  and advice, working, playing, and searching for
  the individual suggestions best for you, ALL THE
  WHILE physically and emotionally choosing not to
  harm yourself and not to harm anybody else.

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Road to HAPPINESS

• Goals of your own choosing, using the most
  interesting suggestions working and playing, ALL
  THE WHILE staying on the road by complete keeping
  of the two rules of safety.

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REFERENCES and SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

• Bennett-Goleman, Tara. (2001). Emotional Alchemy
  How the Mind Can Heal the Heart. New York
  Harmony Books.
• Ginott, Haim. (1965). Between Parent and Child.
  New York The Macmillan Company.
• Ginott, Haim. (1969). Between Parent and
  Teenager. New York The Macmillan Company.
• Ginott, Haim. (1972). Teacher and Child. New
  York The Macmillan Company.
• Faber, A. Mazlish, E.(1980 ). How to Talk So
  Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.
  New York Avon Books.
• Drews, Toby Rice. (1980). Getting Them Sober A
  guide for those who live with an alcoholic. New
  Jersey Bridge Publishing.
• Glasser, William. (1975). Reality Therapy. New
  York Harper Row.
• Goleman, Daniel. (1995). Emotional Intelligence.
  New York Bantam Books.
• Jackins, Harvey. (1982). Fundamentals of
  Co-Counseling Manual. Seattle Rational Island
  Publishers, p. 43-54.
• Jackins, Harvey. (2004). The Human Side of Human
  Beings. Seattle Rational Island Publishers.
• Miller, S., Dodd, J. (11/23/98). Scream On
  Arthur Janov, the 70s icon who created primal
  therapy. People Magazine, p. 97-98.
• Rosellini, G., Worden, M. (1985). Of Course
  Yourre Angry. Hazelden Foundation, San
  Francisco Harper Row.
• Simon, Sidney B. (1988). Getting Unstuck
  Breaking Through You Barriers to Change. New
  York Warner Books.

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In-Person PowerPoint Presentation, with
Demonstrations

• For comments E-mail drinafried_at_yahoo.com
  Offensiveless Defense With Two Rules is for
  your use with parents, teachers, security groups,
  and mental health workers. Dr. Fried has
  demonstrated these interventions for over 35
  years.