Client Centred Couples Counselling. 4C

1

• Client Centred Couples Counselling. 4C
• Allan Turner. MBACP. (Snr Accrd)
• Kate Stubbings. MBACP. (Accrd)

2

• 1       Two people in psychological contact.
•   Three people in psychological contact.

3

• 2
• The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a
  state of incongruence, being vulnerable or
  anxious.
• The couple, whom we shall term the clients, are
  in a state of incongruence, being vulnerable or
  anxious.

4

• In this statement Rogers is referring to the
  conflict between the self symbolisation and the
  clients experience of the world.
• The threat that if the experience were
  actually symbolised in awareness, the self
  concept would no longer be a consistent Gestalt,
  the conditions of worth would be violated, and
  the needed self regard would be frustrated. A
  state of anxiety would exist.
• (Rogers, 1959 cited Kirschenbaum and Henderson,
  1989)

5

• 3
• The second person, whom we shall term the
  therapist, is congruent or integrated in the
  relationship.
• The third person, whom we shall term the
  therapist, is congruent or integrated in the
  relationship.

6

• 4
•      The therapist experiences unconditional
  positive regard for the client.
• The therapist experiences unconditional positive
  regard for the clients.

7

• Dont take sides.
• Dont judge who is really right, and really
  wrong.
• Assume that each client is doing their best.
• Either, or both, may play to the audience. You
  will be the audience!

8

• 5
• The therapist experiences an empathic
  understanding of the clients frame of reference
  and endeavours to communicate this experience to
  the client.
• The therapist experiences an empathic
  understanding of both of the contradictory
  clients frames of reference and endeavours to
  communicate this experience to both clients,
  valuing both equally.

9

• 6
•      The communication to the client of the
  therapists empathic understanding and
  unconditional positive regard is, to a minimal
  degree, perceived.
• The communication to the clients of the
  therapists empathic understanding and
  unconditional positive regard equally to both
  clients is, to a minimal degree, perceived.

10

• The theoretical and application principles
  involved.

11

• 1. We offer client-centred therapy to couples and
  believe that the underlying client-centred theory
  is the same as that offered to individuals. There
  is nothing fundamentally different, although
  application detail differs.

12

• 2. We assume that each individual has their own
  actualising tendency, but that the couple does
  not have one.
• The whole is no greater than the sum of its
  parts.
• We dont think of a couple as an entity in
  itself, but an aggregate of individuals.

13

• 3. We do not assume any diagnosis on the part of
  the individuals, or within the relationship, as
  the reason for seeking therapy,
• although, in practice THEY often arrive with a
  diagnosis about each other.
• We are entering into a therapeutic relationship
  with the two individuals simultaneously.

14

• 4. We do not systematically take a history,
  although this often emerges from them.

15

• 5. We think of the work as being on a
  bi-individual level, meaning that we intend to
  engage with each person in an accepting, valuing,
  empathic manner.
• We intend to receive each individuals
  experiences, feelings, intentions, wishes, and
  meanings in and of themselves.

16

• 6. We understand each to be in interaction with
  the others presence, including the counsellor.
• We do not deny, or diminish, that each person is
  a part of a couple. However, we do not let that
  information distract or encumber us as we stay
  present for each individual to the best of our
  ability.
• We do whatever feels appropriate and necessary
  to protect our own ability to remain accepting
  and empathically present to each person, both as
  an individual and in the relationship.

17

• 7. We have no goals or agenda, whilst realising
  that the clients have goals or agendas, which may
  shift over time and are often mutually excluding.
  
• We are not invested in keeping the couple
  together or in separating them.
• Thus we have no goal beyond our intention to
  create a safe place where views and feelings can
  be expressed, experienced and understood.

18

• 8. We do not simply switch between the clients,
  listening to each in turn (although at times that
  might occur).
• We seldom make an effort to regulate the use of
  time or evenly distribute the time.
• When it is necessary we see this as a matter for
  therapists congruence, balance and judgment.

19

• 9. We may sometimes explain our empathetic
  understanding of one partner to the other.
• We feel free to ask questions to clarify our
  understanding concerning individual subjective
  and interactional experiences.
• We talk freely, as we might to our friends, or
  each other, deliberately avoiding a stilted,
  controlled counsellor way of communicating.

20

• 10. We have a tendency to self-represent in terms
  of explaining why we are saying things, this
  tendency is much greater than when working with
  individual clients.
• At times we might sift through and acknowledge
  the various communications that are being
  verbally or nonverbally expressed.
• Its like thinking out loud.

21

• 11. The complexity of the situation increases the
  risk of a client feeling disregarded, not valued
  or not understood, whether by their partner or
  the counsellor.
• It helps to correcting possible
  misunderstandings if we share our intentions,
  understanding and thought processes.

22

• 12. We never make process statements about the
  couple.Such statements are resented by the
  clients and paint the counsellor as the expert.

23

• 13. Our closeness with the couple often feels as
  if we have joined with them and become a
  threesome.
• However, we also protect our right to act
  independently - interrupting or noting that they
  do not share the same views or understandings.
• We intend to be very close to the couple, but
  seldom closer than they are to each other.

24
C
C
T
CC gt CT
25

• 14. We believe that empathy has a special place
  and power in client-centred couple counselling.

W
M
T
26

• 15. We usually accept any existing power
  relationships,
• meaning that we seldom confront any existing
  hierarchy or individual dominance or patterns of
  communication or behaviour. (This would also
  relate to children, or other people not present).

27

• If it feels particularly difficult we might say
  something like I think I would be hurt if that
  were said to me.

28

• 16. We do not direct the structure of individual
  sessions or the therapy as a whole.
• We do not say who can speak when,
• see them individually first
• or use any other directive formula.
• If such devices are suggested by the clients we
  will consider them, but not always agree to them.

29

• 17. To clarify concepts further
• We do not think of a couple as being incongruent
  because we do not believe that the couple has an
  Actualising Tendency.
• We think a couple can have a Formative Tendency,
  but since they have presented for couples
  counselling it may not be present!

30

• There are some ideas and concepts that some
  therapists use that we do not use at all.
• We do not think about therapeutic stages.
• We do not deliberately teach empathic
  understanding, or any special response style to
  clients
• although we acknowledge that this is sometimes
  the consequence of our work.

31

• Things we dont do.
• have a goal of equalising power within the
  couple.
• look for, or express, hidden meanings,
• although we may sometimes comment on, and
  clarify, poor communication.

32

• Things we dont do.
• Respond to the couple as a whole. The whole is
  simply the sum of the parts!

33

• Tag counselling.
• Eddy Moira have been married for 10 years.
• They have two children aged 8 6.
• Both feel that they have been drifting apart over
  the last couple of years.
• Moira has suggested that they come for
  counselling. Eddy didnt think that things were
  that bad, but has agreed to come.

34

• Each has a secret (or two) which might come out
  in the counselling.
• Two groups to dream up a secret or two whilst we
  get the furniture ready.
• We need a man!

35
(No Transcript)