Biblical Styles of Handling Conflict

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Biblical Styles of Handling Conflict

• Boat idea is from the book Leadership Essentials
  for Childrens Ministry by Craig Jutila

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Battleship
Built to fight and win
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Submarine
Built to disappear
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Aircraft Carrier

Dont engage directly deploy others to engage
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Canoe

The negotiator paddling both sides
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Lifeboat

Built to yield and to drift
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Fireboat

Built to put out fires
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Tugboat

The Rescuer built to get the other ships out of
trouble
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Which is the most Biblical style of handling
conflict?
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Jesus Style

• Matthew 2112
• Luke 429
• Matthew 105
• Matthew 1417-19
• Matthew 2662-63
• Luke 2224-26
• John 637b

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How to Know When to Use a Conflict Style

• Know your typical, often unconscious style
• Know who you are fighting for For everyone
  looks out for his own interests, not those of
  Jesus Christ. Philippians 221

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Do you see the other person as an adversary or
have you looked at the problem from their
perspective?
Defended positions
Interests behind the positions
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• Are the problem under discussion and the people
  discussing the problem getting tangled up?

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Understanding People Issues

• Perceptions
• Emotions
• Communication

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Perceptions

• How people perceive the truth is the truth you
  will have to deal with
• Handle wrong perceptions in two ways
• See it from their perspective
• Discuss your own perspective with them

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Emotions

• Sometimes feelings are as important as talk
• Understand your own emotions
• Allow them to let off steam
• Do not react to their emotions respond to them

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Communication

• Are you talking at the person or with the person?
• Are you listening, really listening? Do you
  understand what they are saying, what they are
  really saying?
• Are you speaking so that you can be understood or
  just repeating louder what you just said?

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Look Deep

• Behind stated positions are multiple interests
• Some of those interests are the same as yours,
  some are compatible and some are different
• Ask yourself why they feel the way they do? Ask
  yourself why you feel the way you do?
• The most powerful interests are basic human
  needs security, recognition, a sense of
  belonging, accomplishment,

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We are one in the Spirit

• Identify shared interests
• Formulate shared interests as concrete goals you
  can set together for the future (dont focus on
  the past look ahead)
• Write down what you agree on to make sure there
  is not misunderstanding
• Keep your promises

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Whose Interests?

• Each of you should look not only to your own
  interests, but also to the interests of others.
  Philippians 24