Scientific Writing, HRP 214

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Recap from last time (quick quiz)

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The data shows that she is a fool.
• B. The data show that she is a fool.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The data shows that she is a fool.
• B. The data show that she is a fool.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. She was affected by the war.
• B. She was effected by the war.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. She was affected by the war.
• B. She was effected by the war.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The affects of the war were devastating.
• B. The effects of the war were devastating.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The affects of the war were devastating.
• B. The effects of the war were devastating.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The bacteria that I was trying to grow died.
• B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The bacteria that I was trying to grow died.
• B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. There is limited data.
• B. There are limited data.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. There is limited data.
• B. There are limited data.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The car, which I didnt particularly like,
  finally died.
• B. The car, that I didnt particularly like,
  finally died.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The car, which I didnt particularly like,
  finally died.
• B. The car, that I didnt particularly like,
  finally died.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. He displayed a distressing lack of effect.
• B. He displayed a distressing lack of affect.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. He displayed a distressing lack of effect.
• B. He displayed a distressing lack of affect.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. He owed over 1000 to the doctor.
• B. He owed more than 1000 to the doctor.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. He owed over 1000 to the doctor.
• B. He owed more than 1000 to the doctor.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
  with her shoes.
• B. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
  to her shoes.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
  with her shoes.
• B. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
  to her shoes.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The negotiators effected an agreement.
• B. The negotiators affected an agreement.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• A. The negotiators effected an agreement.
• B. The negotiators affected an agreement.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• HOMEWORK ANSWERS
• Many possibilities, of course! Here are my
  suggestions..

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• 1. The terms genetic predisposition and
  susceptibility are not entirely satisfactory
  terms because they are not independent concepts,
  but we use the terms to distinguish the extent of
  increased risk that arise from the inherited
  genetic alterations, calling very high individual
  risk, predisposition, and lower risk,
  susceptibility.

What were your rewrites?
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• My rewrite
• We distinguish genetic predisposition from
  genetic susceptibility by the extent of increased
  risk that arises from the inherited genetic
  alterations, calling very high individual risk
  predisposition and lower risk susceptibility.
  

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• 2. Certain etiologic factors might be more
  likely to lead to certain types of molecular
  changes, so defining tumors based on molecular
  changes might lead to formation of more
  etiologically homogeneous subsets of tumors than
  are apparent solely through histologic
  categories.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• My rewrite
• Certain etiologic factors lead to predictable
  molecular changes, so subsets of tumors based on
  molecular changes might be more etiologically
  homogeneous than subsets based on histologic
  categories.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• 3. It is interesting to note that the new
  organism is green in color, round in shape, 5x10
  mm in size, and active with respect to motility.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• My rewrite
• The new organism is green, round, 5x10 mm long,
  and mobile.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• 4.In view of the fact that solar energy is not
  yet fully developed at the present time, we will
  have to continue utilizing fossil fuels well into
  the next century.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS

• My rewrite
• Because solar energy is underdeveloped, we will
  have to use fossil fuels into the next century.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK
1. Adjacent to near   2. Assuming that
if   3. Big in size big   4. Clearly evident
evident   5. Demonstrate show   6. Doctorate
degree doctorate  
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK
7. Disseminate send out, distribute   8.
Endeavor (verb) try   9. Evaluate test   10.
Finalize finish   11. Facility office,
plant   12. Have an effect on affect
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK
13. Has no lacks   14. New development
development   15. In order to to   16. It is
probable that probably   17. Terminate
end   18. Total number number   19. Utilize
use   20. With regard to about, regarding
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM-UP
On a scrap of paper, revise Clinically and
pathologically, a focal neurologic deficit may be
considered a stroke if that deficit is thought to
be caused by a local disturbance affecting the
cerebral circulation. ? A stroke is a focal
neurologic deficit caused by a local disturbance
in cerebral circulation.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Lecture Two, June 29, 2005 News Writing
• News writing
• News-writing is the art of maximizing
  information and minimizing words its the
  barest-bones form of writing. The fundamentals
  of good writing can be learned by dissecting news
  articles.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• When you write news, you are trying to inform
  your reader in the quickest, most interesting way
  possible.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• What scientific writers can learn from
  journalists
• That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
  is best and
• That holding your readers attention matters!

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• What scientific writers can learn from
  journalists
• That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
  is best and
• That holding your readers attention matters!

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
  is best and
• We were introduced to many of these principles
  last time.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Writing in news style
• ? Just the facts, Maam.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Some principles of news writing
• Dont use a complicated word when a simple one
  will do.
• Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.
• Dont cram too much into one sentence.
• Avoid redundancy and repetition.
• Use active verbs and follow the usual
  conversational flow of words
• Use facts, not opinion.
• Be specific.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Some principles of news writing
• Dont use a complicated word when a simple one
  will do.
• ?see last weeks lesson.
• Did anyone count average number of letters per
  word in the newspaper?

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Some principles of news writing
• Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Avoid clichés like the plague

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Euphemisms
• accept the resignation of
• economically disadvantaged
• limited success
• pre-owned
• underachiever
• expire
• collateral damage

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Collateral damage is one of those antiseptic
  sounding euphemisms that are sometimes more
  chilling than plain language, so hard do they
  labor to conceal their human meaning.--Hendrik
  Hertzberg in the New Yorker

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Some principles of news writing
• Dont cram too much into one sentence.
• Avoid redundancy and repetition.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Did anyone count average words per sentence in
  the newspaper?
• Average number of sentences per paragraph?
• How do you think it compares to a scientific
  article?

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• In news writing, all needless words are
  eliminated.
• For example, that and on are often
  eliminated
• The meeting happened on Monday.
• The meeting happened Monday.
• They agreed that it was true.
• They agreed it was true.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Avoid using two or more words that mean the same
  thing (redundancy).
• The hero begins to behave strangely and in odd
  ways following his tryst with a witch he meets
  secretly at midnight.
• ?
• The hero begins to behave strangely following
  his tryst with a witch he meets secretly at
  midnight.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Do not repeat a word unless you need it again
  for clarity or emphasis (i.e., avoid repetition)
• When he was a student, his favorite classes were
  the classes that gave no homework.
• ?
• When he was a student, his favorite classes gave
  no homework.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Caveat Keep your sentences short but not too
  short that they are choppy.
• Example (from Successful Science Writing)
• Two canine cadaveers with orthopedic
  abnormalities were identified. The first dog had
  an unusual deformity. It was secondary to
  premature closure of the distal ulnar physis.
  The second dog had a hypertrophic nonunion of the
  femur. The radius and femur of both dogs were
  harvested. They were cleaned of soft tissue.
• News writers use the dash, semicolon, and
  colon to merge choppy sentences together (well
  learn how craft deft sentences with these tools
  next time).

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Use active verbs and follow the usual
  conversational flow of words
• Write with nouns and verbs

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Recall from last time
• Subject verb object
• Subject verb object
• Subject verb X

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• KEY LESSON OF NEWS WRITING
• The active voice vs. the passive voice.
• Well see this again and again and again

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Recall from last time
• In passive-voice sentences, the subject is acted
  upon the subject doesnt act.
• Passive verb a form of the verb to be the
  past participle of the main verb
• The main verb must be a transitive verb (that is,
  take an object).

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• In the passive voice,
• The agent is AWOL Sin and Syntax
• e.g. Mistakes were made.
• ?Nobody is responsible.
• vs. The President made mistakes

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• How do you recognize the passive voice?
• Object-Verb-Subject
• OR just
• Object-Verb The agent is truly AWOL!

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Examples
• Passive
• My first visit to Boston will always be
  remembered by me.

Active I will always remember my first visit to
Boston.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• To turn the passive voice back to the active
  voice
• Ask "Who does what to whom?"

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Examples
• Passive
• The prognosis is largely determined by the
  extent of the injury.

Active The extent of injury determines the
prognosis.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Examples
• Passive
• The behavior of the mutant mice was researched
  in many studies.

Active Many studies researched the behavior
of the mutant mice.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• It was found that 11 does not equal 2.
• The agent found that 11 does not equal 2.
• It was concluded that the data were bogus.
• The agent concluded that the data were bogus.
• It is believed that the data had been falsified.
• The agent believed that the data had been
  falsified.
• A recommendation was made by the DSMB committee
  that the study be halted.
• The DSMB committee recommended that the study be
  halted.
• As is shown in Table 3
• Table 3 shows
•  

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• MYTH The passive voice is more objective.
• Its not more objective, just more vague.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Passive To study DNA repair mechanics, this
study on hamster cell DNA was carried out. More
objective? No! More confusing! ? Active To
study DNA repair mechanics, we carried out this
study on hamster cell DNA.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Passive Major differences in the reaction times
of the two study subjects were found. ? Active We
found major differences in the reaction times of
the two study subjects.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Passive Migraine was defined as a headache that
lasts for more than 1 hour. ? Active We defined
migraine as a headache that lasts for more than 1
hour.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Active Voice is direct, vigorous, natural,
and informative.
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A note about breaking the rules
• Most writing rules are guidelines, not laws, and
  can be broken when the occasion calls for it.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• For example, sometimes it is appropriate to use
  the passive voice.
• When the action of the sentence is more important
  than who did it (e.g., materials and methods)
• Three liters of fluid is filtered through
  porous glass beads.
• To emphasize someone or something other than the
  agent that performed the action
• The Clintons were honored at the banquet.
• When the subject is unknown
• The professor was assaulted in the hallways
  they do not know the perpetrator of this heinous
  crime.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• STRONG VERBS carry the main idea of the sentence
  and sweep the reader along
• Put your sentences on a to be diet
• Is are was were be been am

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• There are many ways in which we can arrange the
  Petri dishes.
• ?We can arrange the Petri dishes many ways. 
• There was a long line of bacteria on the plate.
• ?Bacteria lined the plate.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Again, this doesnt mean never use to beit has
  a distinct purpose in the English language
• Just use it purposefully and sparingly.
• The logic was perverse.
• ..and a few months later the Spanish Empire was
  gone.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• And
• Use facts, not opinion.
• Be specific.
• (applies equally well to scientific writing)

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Watch out for loaded words (which suggest an
  opinion)
• savage, primitive, conniving, lazy,
  superstitious, wily, crafty, docile, backward,
  bitter, pompous, working class, communist,
  eco-freak, others?

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Be specific
• Police arrested Willie Deeds, an elderly man,
  after he used a note to rob the bank earlier this
  year.
• Police arrested Willie Deeds, 72, after he used a
  note to rob the bank in January.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Take out a scrap of paper and
• make this sentence more newsworthy
• President Hennessy remarked that housing
  opportunities that are attractively priced for
  students are being researched by the university
  currently.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• How about
• President Hennessy said that the university is
  seeking affordable student housing.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• What scientific writers should learn from
  journalists?
• That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
  is best and
• That holding your readers attention matters.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• From your handout The joys and pains of
  writing, Le Bon Journal
• My professor friend told me that in his
  academic world, publish or perish is really
  true. He doesnt care if nobody reads it or
  understands it as long as its published.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• News writers follow these tactics
• 1. Tell a story
• 2. Put things into context
• e.g., numerical, historical
• 3. Focus on people
• 4. Ask Would my grandmother care?

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• These tactics might also improve scientific
  writing
• Can we tell it more like a story?
• Can we add a bit of history?
• Can we emphasize the most important aspects up
  high and add details later?

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• An aside (broadening our horizons prep for the
  homework)
• Some additional things youd learn if you were
  taking a news writing class

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• What makes stories newsworthy (developing news
  judgment)?
• Impacts lots of people
• Breaking news
• Timeliness
• Prominence
• Proximity
• Conflict
• Trends (3 things make a trend)
• Humor/Surprise

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Inverted pyramid style
• Place the most important facts at the beginning
  and work "down" from there. The rest of the
  article explains and expands on the beginning.
• A good approach is to assume that the story might
  be cut off at any point due to space limits. Does
  the story work if we only include the first two
  paragraphs? If not, re-arrange it so that it
  does.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Inverted pyramid style
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Crucial Information
• Recall The Five "W"s and the "H"
• Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?Any good news
  story provides answers to each of these
  questions.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• News stories follows a basic formula (just as
  scientific journal articles do)
• Headline
• Lead
• Nut Graf
• First quote (3-6 paragraphs down)brings in the
  human element
• More details and more quotes (inverted pyramid
  style)
• Kicker

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Headline

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Lead

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• The lead (also spelled lede)
• The first graf
• Grabs the readers attention.
• Imparts the heart of the matter (simple and
  focused).
• Guidelines
• 1-2 sentences.
• Aim for lt35 words.
• Use the main verb to carry the main news, and use
  action verbs.
• Give complementary, but different information
  than the headline.
• Provide some, but not necessarily all, of the 5
  Ws and 1 H.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Beware of these no/nos
• Leave out names that mean nothing to the reader
• Never start with a quote unless its the
  President or the Pope speaking (or its as
  evocative as Craig Venter is an asshole.)
• Never fool your reader (i.e., start with
  something that youre later going to retract or
  contradict).

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Example
• From Hormone replacement therapy takes new body
  blow (SJ Merc News)
• The latest knock against hormone replacement
  therapy barely reverberated because it broke just
  before the war in Iraq blasted everything else
  off the front page.

• 25 words 1 sentence
• What? Another knock for HRT
• When? Cleverjust before the Iraq war started
• Love the active verbs!

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Example
• From With Current War, Professors Protest, As
  Students Debate (NY Times)
• It is not easy being an old lefty on campus in
  this war.

• 1 sentence 13 words.
• Catchy
• Complements the headline
• Deliberate break of the prohibition against to
  beused here for effect.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Nut Graf

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• The nut graf.
• Shortly after the lead paragraph, the so-called
  nut graf flushes out the story the 5 Ws and
  the H.
• Occasionally, the nut graf is hiddencontained
  within the lead or strewn throughout several
  paragraphs. But usually, its identifiable.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Nut graf example
• From Hormone replacement therapy takes new body
  blow
• Graf 3 The latest results to be gleaned from the
  Womens Health Initiative study, which will be
  published in the May 8 issue of the New England
  Journal of Medicine, focused on postmenopausal
  women who took hormones even though they didnt
  have severe symptoms. Overall, they reported no
  difference in quality of life from those who took
  placebos. They didnt feel sexier, their
  memories were no better and they didnt
  experience more mental clarity.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• From With Current War, Professors Protest, As
  Students Debate
• Trickier to find a single nut graf
• Following the lead, we get 3 specific examples of
  a trend
• At the University of Wisconsin at Madison, awash
  in antiwar protests in the Vietnam era, a
  columnist for a student newspaper took a
  professor to task for canceling classes to
  protest the war in Iraq, saying the university
  should reprimand her and refund tuition for the
  missed periods.
• At Irvine
• At Amherst
• The nut graf comes unusually late (after the
  jump)
• Across the country, the war is disclosing role
  reversals, between professors shaped by Vietnam
  protests and a more conservative student body
  traumatized by the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Quotes (unfortunately, not a part of most
  scientific writing)
• The fun part of news writing! The interview
  doesnt involve any writing on your partjust
  eliciting good quotes and strategic placement.
• Quotes?
• Give a human dimension to the story
• Provide evidence
• Provide opinion
• Provide color and flavor
• Flush out the main idea
• Move the story along
• Make the story more readable

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Example, first quote
• HRT takes new body blow
• 5th graf Women think as they get menopause,
  theyll get old, ugly, useless, and crazy, Grady
  told me on the phone. They think if they take
  hormones, itll all be OK. Then they attribute
  all the good feelings they have to hormone
  therapy.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Examples, first quote

• With Current War, Professors Protest, As
  Students Debate
• 6th graf It seems that professors are more
  vehement than the students, Jack Morgan, a
  sophomore, said. There comes a point when you
  wonder are you fostering a discussion or are you
  promoting an opinion you want students to embrace
  or even parody?

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Attribution
• Blah, blah, blah, blah, Professor Smith said.
• NOT Blah, blah, blah, blah, said Professor
  Smith.
• SV!
• Unless Blah, blah, blah, blah, said Professor
  Smith, the really boring professor that we all
  had to take English from (long attributionsounds
  awkward to say Prof. Smith, the really boring
  professor that we all had to take English from,
  said!).

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Attribution
• Prefer said to most other possibilities, such
  as noted and remarked, which have particular
  connotations
• Noted implies that whatever the persons
  statement was fact.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• The kicker!
• The ending.
• Leaves the reader feeling satisfied.
• Often circles back to the lead.
• A quote is often very effective.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Kicker
• HRT takes new body blow
• That doesnt mean that every woman who feels
  more vital after taking hormones should conclude
  its all in her head. But if youre only as
  young as you feel, theres a good chance that has
  nothing to do with the pill.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Kicker

• With Current War, Professors Protest, As
  Students Debate
• My job is not to get my students to agree with
  me, Professor OConnell insisted.
• Still, he conceded, There is a second when I
  hear them, and my heart just falls.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Easy to remember guide for structuring a news
  story (the 5 Ss)
• So come on in.
• So what?
• So, so
• So, therefore.
• So long.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• And finally
• This weeks top 5 countdown

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• 1. Fewer vs. less
• Fewer goes with a countable number
• Less goes with a mass quantity
• Im trying to eat fewer calories.
• Im trying to eat fewer grams of fat.
• BUT
• Im trying to eat less fat.
• ?Use less if theres no S

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• She and I OR She and me?
• Use XX and I for the subject of the sentence
  (nominative case)
• You and I went to the park.
• But use XX and me for the object of a verb or
  preposition (objective case)
• Just between you and me, I think that this
  professor is boring.
• Trick If youd use him or her instead of
  he or she ? then use me instead of I.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• 3. Who vs. whom
• Same idea? who is the subject and whom is the
  object
• Again, if youd use him or her, use whom.
• Who is it?
• She called to Beth, who (she believed) was
  nearby.
• To whom did you mean to call?
• The message was meant for whom?

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• 3. Who vs. whom
• Then hell buy a plane ticket to Baghdad, to
  visit his mother and his sisters and his
  eighteen-year-old girlfriend, whom he has never
  seen, except in the picture that his mother sent
  when she selected the girl for him.
• he has never seen her.
• ? he has never seen whom.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• Its vs. its
• Its is the contraction of it is.
• Its true.
• Its is possessive.
• The car stopped working after its battery died.
• ? If you can substitute it is, use its.
• ?If tis would work equally well, use its.
• tis true.

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5

• 5. As vs. like
• Use as to introduce clauses (compare action)
• We spent the evening as (we did) in the old
  days.
• We wrote down every step, as good scientists
  should.
• Use like (sparinglymore formal to use similar
  to) to compare nouns and pronouns
• OK Her cat is like a dog.
• More formal Her cat is similar to a dog.
• BUT
• Her cat acts as a dog would.
• Note Her cat acts similar to a dog does not
  work. Therefore, dont use like!

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Scientific Writing, HRP 214

116
Scientific Writing, HRP 214A useful note

• As Stanford students, you have online access to
  the archives of New Yorker, NY Times, Boston
  Globe, and many others through Lexis-Nexis
• http//www-sul.stanford.edu/? ejournals

117
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Homework

• Assignments for July 9
• Read
• Chapters 9-10 in Sin and Syntax
• 3-4 units Start thinking of main paper topic

118
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Preview to next time

• For next time
• We begin our systematic review of the basics of
  writing.
• Words? sentences? paragraphs
• punctuation and parallelism