Title: Scientific Writing, HRP 214
1Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Recap from last time (quick quiz)
2Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The data shows that she is a fool.
- B. The data show that she is a fool.
3Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The data shows that she is a fool.
- B. The data show that she is a fool.
4Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. She was affected by the war.
- B. She was effected by the war.
5Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. She was affected by the war.
- B. She was effected by the war.
6Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The affects of the war were devastating.
- B. The effects of the war were devastating.
7Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The affects of the war were devastating.
- B. The effects of the war were devastating.
8Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The bacteria that I was trying to grow died.
- B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.
9Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The bacteria that I was trying to grow died.
- B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.
10Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. There is limited data.
- B. There are limited data.
11Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. There is limited data.
- B. There are limited data.
12Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The car, which I didnt particularly like,
finally died. - B. The car, that I didnt particularly like,
finally died.
13Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The car, which I didnt particularly like,
finally died. - B. The car, that I didnt particularly like,
finally died.
14Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. He displayed a distressing lack of effect.
- B. He displayed a distressing lack of affect.
15Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. He displayed a distressing lack of effect.
- B. He displayed a distressing lack of affect.
16Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. He owed over 1000 to the doctor.
- B. He owed more than 1000 to the doctor.
17Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. He owed over 1000 to the doctor.
- B. He owed more than 1000 to the doctor.
18Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
with her shoes. - B. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
to her shoes.
19Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
with her shoes. - B. Her dresses werent worth very much compared
to her shoes.
20Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The negotiators effected an agreement.
- B. The negotiators affected an agreement.
21Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- A. The negotiators effected an agreement.
- B. The negotiators affected an agreement.
22Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- Many possibilities, of course! Here are my
suggestions..
23Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- 1. The terms genetic predisposition and
susceptibility are not entirely satisfactory
terms because they are not independent concepts,
but we use the terms to distinguish the extent of
increased risk that arise from the inherited
genetic alterations, calling very high individual
risk, predisposition, and lower risk,
susceptibility.
What were your rewrites?
24Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- My rewrite
- We distinguish genetic predisposition from
genetic susceptibility by the extent of increased
risk that arises from the inherited genetic
alterations, calling very high individual risk
predisposition and lower risk susceptibility.
25Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- 2. Certain etiologic factors might be more
likely to lead to certain types of molecular
changes, so defining tumors based on molecular
changes might lead to formation of more
etiologically homogeneous subsets of tumors than
are apparent solely through histologic
categories.
26Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- My rewrite
- Certain etiologic factors lead to predictable
molecular changes, so subsets of tumors based on
molecular changes might be more etiologically
homogeneous than subsets based on histologic
categories.
27Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- 3. It is interesting to note that the new
organism is green in color, round in shape, 5x10
mm in size, and active with respect to motility.
28Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- My rewrite
- The new organism is green, round, 5x10 mm long,
and mobile.
29Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- 4.In view of the fact that solar energy is not
yet fully developed at the present time, we will
have to continue utilizing fossil fuels well into
the next century.
30Scientific Writing, HRP 214 HOMEWORK ANSWERS
- My rewrite
- Because solar energy is underdeveloped, we will
have to use fossil fuels into the next century.
31Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK
1. Adjacent to near 2. Assuming that
if 3. Big in size big 4. Clearly evident
evident 5. Demonstrate show 6. Doctorate
degree doctorate
32Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK
7. Disseminate send out, distribute 8.
Endeavor (verb) try 9. Evaluate test 10.
Finalize finish 11. Facility office,
plant 12. Have an effect on affect
33Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK
13. Has no lacks 14. New development
development 15. In order to to 16. It is
probable that probably 17. Terminate
end 18. Total number number 19. Utilize
use 20. With regard to about, regarding
34Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM-UP
On a scrap of paper, revise Clinically and
pathologically, a focal neurologic deficit may be
considered a stroke if that deficit is thought to
be caused by a local disturbance affecting the
cerebral circulation. ? A stroke is a focal
neurologic deficit caused by a local disturbance
in cerebral circulation.
35Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Lecture Two, June 29, 2005 News Writing
- News writing
- News-writing is the art of maximizing
information and minimizing words its the
barest-bones form of writing. The fundamentals
of good writing can be learned by dissecting news
articles.
36Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- When you write news, you are trying to inform
your reader in the quickest, most interesting way
possible.
37Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- What scientific writers can learn from
journalists - That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
is best and - That holding your readers attention matters!
38Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- What scientific writers can learn from
journalists - That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
is best and - That holding your readers attention matters!
39Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
is best and - We were introduced to many of these principles
last time.
40Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Writing in news style
- ? Just the facts, Maam.
41Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Some principles of news writing
- Dont use a complicated word when a simple one
will do. - Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.
- Dont cram too much into one sentence.
- Avoid redundancy and repetition.
- Use active verbs and follow the usual
conversational flow of words - Use facts, not opinion.
- Be specific.
42Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Some principles of news writing
- Dont use a complicated word when a simple one
will do. - ?see last weeks lesson.
- Did anyone count average number of letters per
word in the newspaper?
43Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Some principles of news writing
- Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.
44Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Avoid clichés like the plague
45Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Euphemisms
- accept the resignation of
- economically disadvantaged
- limited success
- pre-owned
- underachiever
- expire
- collateral damage
46Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Collateral damage is one of those antiseptic
sounding euphemisms that are sometimes more
chilling than plain language, so hard do they
labor to conceal their human meaning.--Hendrik
Hertzberg in the New Yorker
47Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Some principles of news writing
- Dont cram too much into one sentence.
- Avoid redundancy and repetition.
48Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Did anyone count average words per sentence in
the newspaper? - Average number of sentences per paragraph?
- How do you think it compares to a scientific
article?
49Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- In news writing, all needless words are
eliminated. - For example, that and on are often
eliminated - The meeting happened on Monday.
- The meeting happened Monday.
- They agreed that it was true.
- They agreed it was true.
50Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Avoid using two or more words that mean the same
thing (redundancy). - The hero begins to behave strangely and in odd
ways following his tryst with a witch he meets
secretly at midnight. - ?
- The hero begins to behave strangely following
his tryst with a witch he meets secretly at
midnight.
51Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Do not repeat a word unless you need it again
for clarity or emphasis (i.e., avoid repetition) -
- When he was a student, his favorite classes were
the classes that gave no homework. - ?
- When he was a student, his favorite classes gave
no homework.
52Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Caveat Keep your sentences short but not too
short that they are choppy. - Example (from Successful Science Writing)
- Two canine cadaveers with orthopedic
abnormalities were identified. The first dog had
an unusual deformity. It was secondary to
premature closure of the distal ulnar physis.
The second dog had a hypertrophic nonunion of the
femur. The radius and femur of both dogs were
harvested. They were cleaned of soft tissue. - News writers use the dash, semicolon, and
colon to merge choppy sentences together (well
learn how craft deft sentences with these tools
next time).
53Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Use active verbs and follow the usual
conversational flow of words - Write with nouns and verbs
54Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Recall from last time
- Subject verb object
- Subject verb object
- Subject verb X
55Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- KEY LESSON OF NEWS WRITING
- The active voice vs. the passive voice.
- Well see this again and again and again
56Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Recall from last time
- In passive-voice sentences, the subject is acted
upon the subject doesnt act. - Passive verb a form of the verb to be the
past participle of the main verb - The main verb must be a transitive verb (that is,
take an object).
57Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- In the passive voice,
- The agent is AWOL Sin and Syntax
- e.g. Mistakes were made.
- ?Nobody is responsible.
- vs. The President made mistakes
58Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- How do you recognize the passive voice?
- Object-Verb-Subject
- OR just
- Object-Verb The agent is truly AWOL!
-
59Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Examples
- Passive
- My first visit to Boston will always be
remembered by me.
Active I will always remember my first visit to
Boston.
60Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- To turn the passive voice back to the active
voice - Ask "Who does what to whom?"
61Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Examples
- Passive
- The prognosis is largely determined by the
extent of the injury.
Active The extent of injury determines the
prognosis.
62Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Examples
- Passive
- The behavior of the mutant mice was researched
in many studies.
Active Many studies researched the behavior
of the mutant mice.
63Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- It was found that 11 does not equal 2.
- The agent found that 11 does not equal 2.
- It was concluded that the data were bogus.
- The agent concluded that the data were bogus.
- It is believed that the data had been falsified.
- The agent believed that the data had been
falsified. - A recommendation was made by the DSMB committee
that the study be halted. - The DSMB committee recommended that the study be
halted. - As is shown in Table 3
- Table 3 shows
-
64Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- MYTH The passive voice is more objective.
- Its not more objective, just more vague.
65Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Passive To study DNA repair mechanics, this
study on hamster cell DNA was carried out. More
objective? No! More confusing! ? Active To
study DNA repair mechanics, we carried out this
study on hamster cell DNA.
66Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Passive Major differences in the reaction times
of the two study subjects were found. ? Active We
found major differences in the reaction times of
the two study subjects.
67Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Passive Migraine was defined as a headache that
lasts for more than 1 hour. ? Active We defined
migraine as a headache that lasts for more than 1
hour.
68Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Active Voice is direct, vigorous, natural,
and informative.
69Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- A note about breaking the rules
- Most writing rules are guidelines, not laws, and
can be broken when the occasion calls for it.
70Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- For example, sometimes it is appropriate to use
the passive voice. - When the action of the sentence is more important
than who did it (e.g., materials and methods) - Three liters of fluid is filtered through
porous glass beads. - To emphasize someone or something other than the
agent that performed the action - The Clintons were honored at the banquet.
- When the subject is unknown
- The professor was assaulted in the hallways
they do not know the perpetrator of this heinous
crime.
71Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- STRONG VERBS carry the main idea of the sentence
and sweep the reader along - Put your sentences on a to be diet
- Is are was were be been am
72Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- There are many ways in which we can arrange the
Petri dishes. - ?We can arrange the Petri dishes many ways.
- There was a long line of bacteria on the plate.
- ?Bacteria lined the plate.
73Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Again, this doesnt mean never use to beit has
a distinct purpose in the English language - Just use it purposefully and sparingly.
- The logic was perverse.
- ..and a few months later the Spanish Empire was
gone.
74Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- And
- Use facts, not opinion.
- Be specific.
- (applies equally well to scientific writing)
75Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Watch out for loaded words (which suggest an
opinion) - savage, primitive, conniving, lazy,
superstitious, wily, crafty, docile, backward,
bitter, pompous, working class, communist,
eco-freak, others?
76Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Be specific
- Police arrested Willie Deeds, an elderly man,
after he used a note to rob the bank earlier this
year. - Police arrested Willie Deeds, 72, after he used a
note to rob the bank in January.
77Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Take out a scrap of paper and
- make this sentence more newsworthy
- President Hennessy remarked that housing
opportunities that are attractively priced for
students are being researched by the university
currently.
78Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- How about
- President Hennessy said that the university is
seeking affordable student housing.
79Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- What scientific writers should learn from
journalists? - That a clear, succinct, informative writing style
is best and - That holding your readers attention matters.
80Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- From your handout The joys and pains of
writing, Le Bon Journal - My professor friend told me that in his
academic world, publish or perish is really
true. He doesnt care if nobody reads it or
understands it as long as its published.
81Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- News writers follow these tactics
- 1. Tell a story
- 2. Put things into context
- e.g., numerical, historical
- 3. Focus on people
- 4. Ask Would my grandmother care?
-
82Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- These tactics might also improve scientific
writing - Can we tell it more like a story?
- Can we add a bit of history?
- Can we emphasize the most important aspects up
high and add details later?
83Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- An aside (broadening our horizons prep for the
homework) - Some additional things youd learn if you were
taking a news writing class
84Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- What makes stories newsworthy (developing news
judgment)? - Impacts lots of people
- Breaking news
- Timeliness
- Prominence
- Proximity
- Conflict
- Trends (3 things make a trend)
- Humor/Surprise
85Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Inverted pyramid style
- Place the most important facts at the beginning
and work "down" from there. The rest of the
article explains and expands on the beginning. - A good approach is to assume that the story might
be cut off at any point due to space limits. Does
the story work if we only include the first two
paragraphs? If not, re-arrange it so that it
does.
86Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Inverted pyramid style
87Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Crucial Information
- Recall The Five "W"s and the "H"
- Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?Any good news
story provides answers to each of these
questions.
88Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- News stories follows a basic formula (just as
scientific journal articles do) - Headline
- Lead
- Nut Graf
- First quote (3-6 paragraphs down)brings in the
human element - More details and more quotes (inverted pyramid
style) - Kicker
89Scientific Writing, HRP 214
90Scientific Writing, HRP 214
91Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- The lead (also spelled lede)
- The first graf
- Grabs the readers attention.
- Imparts the heart of the matter (simple and
focused). - Guidelines
- 1-2 sentences.
- Aim for lt35 words.
- Use the main verb to carry the main news, and use
action verbs. - Give complementary, but different information
than the headline. - Provide some, but not necessarily all, of the 5
Ws and 1 H.
92Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Beware of these no/nos
- Leave out names that mean nothing to the reader
- Never start with a quote unless its the
President or the Pope speaking (or its as
evocative as Craig Venter is an asshole.) - Never fool your reader (i.e., start with
something that youre later going to retract or
contradict).
93Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Example
- From Hormone replacement therapy takes new body
blow (SJ Merc News) - The latest knock against hormone replacement
therapy barely reverberated because it broke just
before the war in Iraq blasted everything else
off the front page.
- 25 words 1 sentence
- What? Another knock for HRT
- When? Cleverjust before the Iraq war started
- Love the active verbs!
94Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Example
- From With Current War, Professors Protest, As
Students Debate (NY Times) - It is not easy being an old lefty on campus in
this war.
- 1 sentence 13 words.
- Catchy
- Complements the headline
- Deliberate break of the prohibition against to
beused here for effect.
95Scientific Writing, HRP 214
96Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- The nut graf.
- Shortly after the lead paragraph, the so-called
nut graf flushes out the story the 5 Ws and
the H. - Occasionally, the nut graf is hiddencontained
within the lead or strewn throughout several
paragraphs. But usually, its identifiable.
97Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Nut graf example
- From Hormone replacement therapy takes new body
blow - Graf 3 The latest results to be gleaned from the
Womens Health Initiative study, which will be
published in the May 8 issue of the New England
Journal of Medicine, focused on postmenopausal
women who took hormones even though they didnt
have severe symptoms. Overall, they reported no
difference in quality of life from those who took
placebos. They didnt feel sexier, their
memories were no better and they didnt
experience more mental clarity.
98Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- From With Current War, Professors Protest, As
Students Debate - Trickier to find a single nut graf
- Following the lead, we get 3 specific examples of
a trend - At the University of Wisconsin at Madison, awash
in antiwar protests in the Vietnam era, a
columnist for a student newspaper took a
professor to task for canceling classes to
protest the war in Iraq, saying the university
should reprimand her and refund tuition for the
missed periods. - At Irvine
- At Amherst
- The nut graf comes unusually late (after the
jump) - Across the country, the war is disclosing role
reversals, between professors shaped by Vietnam
protests and a more conservative student body
traumatized by the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. -
99Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Quotes (unfortunately, not a part of most
scientific writing) - The fun part of news writing! The interview
doesnt involve any writing on your partjust
eliciting good quotes and strategic placement. - Quotes?
- Give a human dimension to the story
- Provide evidence
- Provide opinion
- Provide color and flavor
- Flush out the main idea
- Move the story along
- Make the story more readable
100Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Example, first quote
- HRT takes new body blow
- 5th graf Women think as they get menopause,
theyll get old, ugly, useless, and crazy, Grady
told me on the phone. They think if they take
hormones, itll all be OK. Then they attribute
all the good feelings they have to hormone
therapy. -
101Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Examples, first quote
- With Current War, Professors Protest, As
Students Debate -
- 6th graf It seems that professors are more
vehement than the students, Jack Morgan, a
sophomore, said. There comes a point when you
wonder are you fostering a discussion or are you
promoting an opinion you want students to embrace
or even parody? -
102Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Attribution
- Blah, blah, blah, blah, Professor Smith said.
- NOT Blah, blah, blah, blah, said Professor
Smith. - SV!
- Unless Blah, blah, blah, blah, said Professor
Smith, the really boring professor that we all
had to take English from (long attributionsounds
awkward to say Prof. Smith, the really boring
professor that we all had to take English from,
said!). -
103Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Attribution
- Prefer said to most other possibilities, such
as noted and remarked, which have particular
connotations - Noted implies that whatever the persons
statement was fact.
104Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- The kicker!
- The ending.
- Leaves the reader feeling satisfied.
- Often circles back to the lead.
- A quote is often very effective.
-
105Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Kicker
- HRT takes new body blow
- That doesnt mean that every woman who feels
more vital after taking hormones should conclude
its all in her head. But if youre only as
young as you feel, theres a good chance that has
nothing to do with the pill. -
106Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Kicker
- With Current War, Professors Protest, As
Students Debate -
- My job is not to get my students to agree with
me, Professor OConnell insisted. - Still, he conceded, There is a second when I
hear them, and my heart just falls. -
107Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- Easy to remember guide for structuring a news
story (the 5 Ss) - So come on in.
- So what?
- So, so
- So, therefore.
- So long.
108Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- And finally
- This weeks top 5 countdown
109Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- 1. Fewer vs. less
- Fewer goes with a countable number
- Less goes with a mass quantity
- Im trying to eat fewer calories.
- Im trying to eat fewer grams of fat.
- BUT
- Im trying to eat less fat.
- ?Use less if theres no S
110Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- She and I OR She and me?
- Use XX and I for the subject of the sentence
(nominative case) - You and I went to the park.
- But use XX and me for the object of a verb or
preposition (objective case) - Just between you and me, I think that this
professor is boring. - Trick If youd use him or her instead of
he or she ? then use me instead of I.
111Scientific Writing, HRP 214
- 3. Who vs. whom
- Same idea? who is the subject and whom is the
object - Again, if youd use him or her, use whom.
- Who is it?
- She called to Beth, who (she believed) was
nearby. - To whom did you mean to call?
- The message was meant for whom?
112Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- 3. Who vs. whom
- Then hell buy a plane ticket to Baghdad, to
visit his mother and his sisters and his
eighteen-year-old girlfriend, whom he has never
seen, except in the picture that his mother sent
when she selected the girl for him. - he has never seen her.
- ? he has never seen whom.
113Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- Its vs. its
- Its is the contraction of it is.
- Its true.
- Its is possessive.
- The car stopped working after its battery died.
- ? If you can substitute it is, use its.
- ?If tis would work equally well, use its.
- tis true.
114Scientific Writing, HRP 214June 29th top-5
- 5. As vs. like
- Use as to introduce clauses (compare action)
- We spent the evening as (we did) in the old
days. - We wrote down every step, as good scientists
should. - Use like (sparinglymore formal to use similar
to) to compare nouns and pronouns - OK Her cat is like a dog.
- More formal Her cat is similar to a dog.
- BUT
- Her cat acts as a dog would.
- Note Her cat acts similar to a dog does not
work. Therefore, dont use like!
115Scientific Writing, HRP 214
116Scientific Writing, HRP 214A useful note
- As Stanford students, you have online access to
the archives of New Yorker, NY Times, Boston
Globe, and many others through Lexis-Nexis - http//www-sul.stanford.edu/? ejournals
117Scientific Writing, HRP 214Homework
- Assignments for July 9
- Read
- Chapters 9-10 in Sin and Syntax
- 3-4 units Start thinking of main paper topic
118Scientific Writing, HRP 214Preview to next time
- For next time
- We begin our systematic review of the basics of
writing. - Words? sentences? paragraphs
- punctuation and parallelism