Title: Grief Across the Life Cycle
1Grief Across the Life Cycle
Some Tips for the Caring Professional
2Two Considerations
- Anticipatory Grief of Death Dying
- Participatory Grief of Bereavement
3Terminal illness
A Definition
- Any irreversible illness that does not respond to
curative treatment modalities and will result in
death in a relatively short period of time.
4Key points to this definition
- Irreversible
- Does not respond to treatment
- Stopping curative treatment is not the same as
stopping care! - Relatively short
- How long is a relatively short period of time?
5we are all terminal . . .
6Issues of the terminally ill
Confronting problems
- fears
- of helplessness
- of being alone
- of being dead
- of pain and suffering
- of being a burden
- of humiliation
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8Fears, continued
- of unfinished business
- of separation of loved ones
- of care of those left behind
- of punishment
- of impairment or limitations
- of the unknown
- of financial ruin
- of loss of emotional control
9Fears, continued
- of unfinished business
- of separation of loved ones
- of care of those left behind
- of punishment
- of impairment or limitations
- of the unknown
- of financial ruin
- of loss of emotional control
10Understanding age sensitive concerns
- 20's
- leaving family that they love
- how love ones will cope
- financial burdens
- lack of significant accomplishment
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12Understanding age sensitive concerns
- 30's
- fear of pain
- abandonment of children
- guilt
- not living to see children growing up
- end of productivity
- loss of control
13Understanding age sensitive concerns
- 40's
- welfare of children, spouse
- financial security of survivors
- dread of separation
14Understanding age sensitive concerns
- 50's
- welfare of families
- anxiety concerning drawn out death, suffering
- fear of being kept alive beyond hope of recovery
15Anger
- Anger may be fueled by fear, anguish, loss
- Crisis anger v. grief anger
- Targets of anger
- The person who died
- People and agencies who try to help
- God
- Those still living
- Perpetrator
- Anger at ones self (survivors)
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17Anger and Coping
- Can be used to express pain of grieving.
- May motivate survivors to become more physically
active. - May precipitate involvement in purposeful
activities. - Can be form of righteous indignation.
- Can help survivors continue to live long enough
to find other reasons to keep on living. - Anger maintains connections or relationships with
the deceased.
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19Anger can hinder grieving
- May get stuck in anger and not be able to mourn
or grieve. - Can inhibit and interfere with relationships.
- May be used to avoid grieving
- Revenge fantasies (restoring power)
- Compensation fantasies (payment for loss)
- Forgiveness fantasies (transcending, may be used
to bypass anger)
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21Guilt
- Guilt about preparations for death
- Guilt about lifestyle changes
- Guilt about negative thoughts or feelings about
the person who died - Guilt about surviving
- Guilt confuses survivors
22Shame
- Shame about how someone died
- Shame about reactions to the death or the death
notification - Shame over relief
- Shame over ones own circumstances after someone
dies - Shame imposed by society
23Kinds of losses
- Loss of life
- Invasion of body
- Loss of limb, physical capability
- Loss of beauty, self-image
- Loss of memory
- Loss of sensorial perception
24Guilt
- Guilt about preparations for death
- Guilt about lifestyle changes
- Guilt about negative thoughts or feelings about
the person who died - Guilt about surviving
- Guilt confuses survivors
25More Kinds of losses
- Material losses
- money, expenses incurred, sentimental property,
pets, home, car - Intangible losses
- trust, faith, identity, history and connection to
the future, time, values, will to live, feeling,
innocence, hope
26Traumatic Grief
- Crisis reactions complicate grieving.
- No time to say good-bye.
- Pre-existing problems complicate sorrow.
- Relationships complicate sorrow.
- Attributes of particular types of deaths.
- Grief may be minimized or denied.
- Everyone grieves differently.
- Spasms of grief may last a lifetime.
27The Six Rs of mourning
- Recognize the loss
- React to the missing
- Recollect the missing
- Relinquish attachments
- Readjust to a new world
- Reinvest in the world around you
- Theresa Rando, 1993
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29Bereavement
Grief An anxiety over loss/separation(or
apprehension of such) of relationships ordinarily
meaningful, crucial, or significant.
- Loved one
- Aspect of self
- Externals
- Developmental
- Existential
30Your Particular Grief is unique
Shapers of your Particular Grief
- the nature and depth of your unique relationship
- the manner of death and loss
- previous experience with grief
- Multiple loss--it can make you stronger or
weaker!!!
31Your Particular Grief is Unique
- timeliness or untimeliness of the loss
- spiritual resources of the mourner
- the extent of the network of supportive
relationships - emotional resources
- your own cultural conditioning
32Everyones Grief is Unique
33Your Particular Grief is unique
Shapers of your Particular Grief
- the nature and depth of your unique relationship
- the manner of death and loss
- previous experience with grief
- Multiple loss--it can make you stronger or
weaker!!!
34Everyone reacts differently
35Kinds of Grief
Anticipatory Grief (threatened loss)
- additional coping devices
- shock,
- numbness,
- hyperactivity,
- humor,
- existential search,
- discipline of prayer.
36Anticipatory grief
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38Traumatic or Sudden Grief
- dynamics
- shock,
- alarm,
- disbelief,
- panic,
- numbness,
- recovery
39Kinds of Grief
No-End Grief
- illustrations
- divorce,
- physical handicaps,
- birth defects, etc.,.
40Kinds of Grief
Near Miss Grief
- illustrations
- combat,
- near miss accidents,
- Cancer diagnoses.
41Near-miss grief
42Categories of Loss
Actual, Threatened, Perceived
- Concrete Loss
- Abstract loss
43ABNORMAL GRIEF
(Eric Lindeman, Symptomatology and Management of
Acute Grief, AJP, 1944)
- A. Delayed Reactions- may involve years
- B. Distorted Reactions
- Over activity without a sense of loss
- the acquisition of symptoms belonging to the last
illness of the deceased. - certain psychosomatic diseases
44Distorted Reactions
- alteration in relationship to significant others.
- furious hostility against specific persons.
- hidden personality
- lasting loss of patterns of, social interaction
- social patterns detrimental to own socia1 or
economic existence - agitated depression
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46Assessing Complicated Bereavement
47Factors that make assessment difficult
- Uniqueness of Grief experience
- Cultural factors in grief
- Lack of knowledge of previous patterns
- Unknown emotional problems
- Confusion--what is abnormal?
48Factors, continued
- Acute grief impossible to measure distortion
- The nature of delayed responses
- Previous psycho social instability
49 50Questions to ask in assessment instruments
- Avoiding pain?
- Attempts to retrieve lost person
- Reasserted psychological problems
- Relationship was ambivalent or hostile
51- Sudden or traumatic loss
- Emotional release stunted
- Overwhelming reality-based demands
- Adequate social support
- History of multiple losses
52- Unusual circumstances
- Overly stoic personality
- History of Clinical depression
- Internalized anger
- Absence of intense emotion
53- Inappropriate behavioral changes
- Overly idealize the deceased
- Continue to withdraw
- Increased illness
- Noticeable personality changes
54- Severe undiminished
- Guilt
- Anger
- Phobias
- Loss of interest in life
- Increase drug alcohol use
- Extreme self-reproach
55Common Grief Reactions
Physical/Behavioral
- Fatigue
- Social withdrawal
- Hollowness in stomach
- Dreams of deceased
- Tightness in chest or throat
56Physical/Behavioral
- Searching behavior
- Over sensitivity to noise
- Sighing
- Sense that nothing is real
- Restless/over activity
- Breathlessness
57Physical/Behavioral
- Crying
- Weakness
- Visiting places as reminders
- Dry mouth
58Remember, everyones reaction is unique
59Physical/Behavioral
- Treasuring objects
- Lack of energy
- Appetite disturbance
- Sleep disturbance
60Emotional/Mental
- Sadness
- Over sensitivity to behavior of others
- Anger
- Inability to focus/concentrate
- GuiltNumbness
61Emotional/Mental
- Anxiety
- Disbelief
- Loneliness
- Confusion
- Helplessness
- Preoccupation
- Shock
62Emotional/Mental
- Sense of presence of deceased
- Emancipation
- Hallucinations
- Jealousy
- Inability to make decisions
- Absent-minded
- Relief
63Grief Dynamics
- Not steps
- Ways of Viewing the Grief Process
64Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
65Carl Nighswonger
- The Drama of Shock
- The Drama of Emotion
- The Drama of Negotiation
- The Drama of Cognition
- The Drama of Commitment
- The Drama of Completion
66Wayne Oates
- Shock
- Numbness
- The Struggle Between Fantasy and Reality
- The Flood of Emotion
- Selective Memory
- Commitment
67The Rituals of Grieving
- Denial- It cant be
- Release- (tears and emotion)
- Depression/Isolation/Self-pity- No one
understands - Physical Symptoms- I just cant go on
68The Rituals of Grieving
- Panic/Anxiety- I cant make it
- Guilt- Why didnt I... If I had only...
- Hostility- Why should it happen to me
- Inability to do normal activities- I dont want
to go out
69The Rituals of Grieving
- Social Sharing- Now with my situation...
- Rituals and Appeasements- Ill do this right
- Hope- Someday Maybe this will work
- Acceptance/Readjustment/Integration/Redefining
our lives - Ill get on with it
70Supporting the One Grieving
DO
- Be yourself
- Be a non-judgmental, non-advice giving listener
- Don't be afraid to touch if appropriate
- Cry
- Call before visiting
- Show up when you say you will
- Offer specific, practical help
71Not everything is helpful
72DON'T
- Try to rescue or solve their problems
- Say "I know how you feel" or use other cliches
- Force joviality
- Avoid intimacy
- Avoid eye contact
- Commit to more than you can realistically do
- Do all the talking
73YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR
- Being self-aware and in control
- Encourage them to grieve in their own way
- Being consistent and stable
- Knowing when and how to let go
- Taking care of yourself
74YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
- Making the pain go away
- Making everyone happy
- Having all the answers
- Being their all the time
- Always being sharp or in a good mood
- Making people have the same values or priorities
that you have
75Not everything is helpful
76Remember . . .
- Grief is work
- It takes along time!
- Grief is a spasm
- Grief is the ultimate self-absorbed phenomena
- Everyones grief is unique
- Without God, we grieve as those without hope