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Grief Across the Life Cycle

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Title: Grief Across the Life Cycle

1
Grief Across the Life Cycle
Some Tips for the Caring Professional

by Dr. Stan Wilson

2
Two Considerations

Anticipatory Grief of Death Dying
Participatory Grief of Bereavement

3
Terminal illness
A Definition

Any irreversible illness that does not respond to
curative treatment modalities and will result in
death in a relatively short period of time.

4
Key points to this definition

Irreversible
Does not respond to treatment
Stopping curative treatment is not the same as
stopping care!
Relatively short
How long is a relatively short period of time?

5
we are all terminal . . .
6
Issues of the terminally ill
Confronting problems

fears
of helplessness
of being alone
of being dead
of pain and suffering
of being a burden
of humiliation

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Fears, continued

of unfinished business
of separation of loved ones
of care of those left behind
of punishment
of impairment or limitations
of the unknown
of financial ruin
of loss of emotional control

9
Fears, continued

of unfinished business
of separation of loved ones
of care of those left behind
of punishment
of impairment or limitations
of the unknown
of financial ruin
of loss of emotional control

10
Understanding age sensitive concerns

20's
leaving family that they love
how love ones will cope
financial burdens
lack of significant accomplishment

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Understanding age sensitive concerns

30's
fear of pain
abandonment of children
guilt
not living to see children growing up
end of productivity
loss of control

13
Understanding age sensitive concerns

40's
welfare of children, spouse
financial security of survivors
dread of separation

14
Understanding age sensitive concerns

50's
welfare of families
anxiety concerning drawn out death, suffering
fear of being kept alive beyond hope of recovery

15
Anger

Anger may be fueled by fear, anguish, loss
Crisis anger v. grief anger
Targets of anger
The person who died
People and agencies who try to help
God
Those still living
Perpetrator
Anger at ones self (survivors)

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Anger and Coping

Can be used to express pain of grieving.
May motivate survivors to become more physically
active.
May precipitate involvement in purposeful
activities.
Can be form of righteous indignation.
Can help survivors continue to live long enough
to find other reasons to keep on living.
Anger maintains connections or relationships with
the deceased.

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Anger can hinder grieving

May get stuck in anger and not be able to mourn
or grieve.
Can inhibit and interfere with relationships.
May be used to avoid grieving
Revenge fantasies (restoring power)
Compensation fantasies (payment for loss)
Forgiveness fantasies (transcending, may be used
to bypass anger)

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Guilt

Guilt about preparations for death
Guilt about lifestyle changes
Guilt about negative thoughts or feelings about
the person who died
Guilt about surviving
Guilt confuses survivors

22
Shame

Shame about how someone died
Shame about reactions to the death or the death
notification
Shame over relief
Shame over ones own circumstances after someone
dies
Shame imposed by society

23
Kinds of losses

Loss of life
Invasion of body
Loss of limb, physical capability
Loss of beauty, self-image
Loss of memory
Loss of sensorial perception

24
Guilt

Guilt about preparations for death
Guilt about lifestyle changes
Guilt about negative thoughts or feelings about
the person who died
Guilt about surviving
Guilt confuses survivors

25
More Kinds of losses

Material losses
money, expenses incurred, sentimental property,
pets, home, car
Intangible losses
trust, faith, identity, history and connection to
the future, time, values, will to live, feeling,
innocence, hope

26
Traumatic Grief

Crisis reactions complicate grieving.
No time to say good-bye.
Pre-existing problems complicate sorrow.
Relationships complicate sorrow.
Attributes of particular types of deaths.
Grief may be minimized or denied.
Everyone grieves differently.
Spasms of grief may last a lifetime.

27
The Six Rs of mourning

Recognize the loss
React to the missing
Recollect the missing
Relinquish attachments
Readjust to a new world
Reinvest in the world around you
Theresa Rando, 1993

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Bereavement
Grief An anxiety over loss/separation(or
apprehension of such) of relationships ordinarily
meaningful, crucial, or significant.