Conflict Resolution

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Conflict Resolution

• Finding an Elegant Solution
• from
• People Skills How to Assert Yourself, Listen
  to Others, and Resolve Conflicts Robert Bolton,
  Ph.D.

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Whenever youre in conflict with someone, there
is one factor that can make the difference
between damaging your relationship and deepening
it. That factor is attitude.William James
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What is your attitude about conflict?

• Conflict is difficult, uncomfortableI would like
  to avoid it as much as possible.
• Conflict is difficult, but if it happens I want
  to be in control so that the outcome works for
  me.
• Conflict is an opportunityfor better
  relationships at work and homeand for personal
  growth

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Three Approaches to Relationships

• Passive
• Aggressive
• Assertive

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Handling the Emotional Components of Conflict

• Step 1Do a personal inventory
• Step 2Treat the other person with respect
• Step 3Listen until you experience the other side
• Step 4State your views, needs, and feelings

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Basic Communication Tools

• Listening skills
• Assertion skills
• Collaborative problem-solving skills

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Listening Skills

• Attending skills
• Following skills
• Reflecting skills

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I Statements

• Your feelings about a behavior,
• the effect is has on you
• what you would prefer the other person to do

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The Elegant Solution Collaborative Problem
Solving

• Win/Win way of dealing with conflicting needs
• Alternatives to collaborative problem solving
• Denial
• Avoidance
• Capitulation
• Domination
• CompromiseIll meet you part way

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Step 1Define the problem in terms of needs,
not solutions

• Discover the why
• Discover the why and you understand the need
• Solution-type definitions lead to win/win results.

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Step 2Brainstorm possible solutions

• Try for quantity, not quality
• Dont evaluate
• Dont clarify or seek clarification
• Go for zany ideas
• Expand on each others ideas
• List every idea
• Avoid attaching peoples names to the ideas
• Keep an open mind

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Step 3Select the solution that will best meet
both parties needs

• Ask the other what proposed alternatives he or
  she would favor in the solution of the problem
• State which alternatives look best to you
• See which choices coincide
• Jointly decide on one or more of the alternatives
• Be sure the other person is satisfied with the
  solution

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Step 4Plan who will do what, where and by when

• Decide who will carry out each part of the
  solution
• May need to decide the how as well the what
• Set a time to meet again

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Step 5Implement the Plan

• This is the point of action
• People separate and carry out their agreed-upon
  actions
• If one does not live up to the agreed-upon
  actions, use assertion message followed by
  reflective listening

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Step 6Evaluate the problem-solving process and
how well the solution turned out

• How the parties feel about the process they just
  went through
• What each liked most/least about process
• What each can do better next time

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Case Study 1 The Case of the Home Buyers Blues

• You and your significant other are stuck in a
  disagreement over whether or not to buy a house
  at this time. You would like to wait until you
  have saved 20 of the sale price for the down
  payment to be able to obtain a fixed rate
  mortgage and reduce the monthly payments. Your
  significant other would like to buy now with a
  variable rate mortgage, believing that interest
  rates will be on the rise soon and that your
  salaries will keep up with whatever amount the
  monthly payments are. Neither side seems willing
  to budge.

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Case Study 2 The Case of the Colleagues
Little Black Books

• Your department needs to create an on-call
  schedule for emergency response. Some members of
  your group would like to create a schedule where
  each person rotates days of the week others
  would like to be on-call for a week at a time.
  The discussion has become lively, and there
  doesnt seem to be a way to come to consensus.

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Case Study 3 The Case of the Administrators
Angst

• Two faculty members from your division want to
  teach the same section of a course in their
  department. The chair has asked them to work out
  the conflict, but they have been unable to
  resolve the problem and the conflict has created
  tension within the department. Their chair has
  asked you to help the faculty members collaborate
  on a solution because they all respect your
  ability to problem solve. Each individual has
  legitimate reasons for wanting to teach that
  particular section, and each is qualified to
  teach the course.

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Case Study 4 The Sandwiched Woman Mystery

• You have an elderly mother in a city about 5
  hours away. Her health has been declining in the
  last several years and, while she is still able
  to live independently, she needs a lot of support
  in terms of transportation, shopping, etc. You
  have a sibling that lives in the same town as
  your mother and is starting to become resentful
  and angry toward you because she provides this
  support for your mother. Your brother lives in
  the same town and is willing to help out but
  seems to rely on your sister to organize and
  arrange whatever your mother needs. You all have
  jobs and families of your own. You are feeling
  guilty, angry and helpless about the situation.

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What barriers do you bring to the table?
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Barriers to Communication

• Judging
• Criticizing
  
• Name-calling
• Diagnosing
• Praising Evaluativly

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Barriers to Communication

• Sending Solutions
• Ordering
• Threatening
• Moralizing
• Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning
• Advising

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Barriers to Communication

• Avoiding the Others Concerns
• Diverting
• Logical Argument
• Reassuring

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Where do you go from here?

• What is one thing I can do to become a better
  collaborative problem-solver?
• How can I go about doing that?
• When will I check my progress?
• How will I know if I have made progress?