THE PAMPERED CHILD SYNDROME

1
THE PAMPERED CHILD SYNDROME

• Maggie Mamen, Ph.D.
• Psychologist

2
REQUIREMENTS FOR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH

• Sleep
• Good nutrition
• Exercise/fresh air
• Attachment/nurturing
• Safety and security

3
PARENTAL RESPONSES

• But we cant get her to go to bed
• But hes a very picky eater
• But she doesnt like sports
• But he just wont switch off the TV/video games/
  computer/MSN
• But we dont like to say no, because she gets
  SO upset
• But if he doesnt get what he wants, he hits me

4
PARENTAL GOALS to raise children who

• are comfortable and happy
• are stimulated and enriched
• have fun
• can make their own choices and be independent
• are included in family decisions
• are given reasons for what they are asked to do
• are treated equally and fairly
• can express their feelings and be heard
• feel loved and appreciated
• have positive self-esteem

5
MESSAGES RECEIVED

• I should never be unhappy
• I should never be bored
• If its not fun, I wont do it
• No one can tell me what to do
• Adults should always consult me
• I wont do anything unless theres a good reason
• I should be treated the same as adults
• I should only do things I feel like doing
• If I want it, I should have it, and if you love
  me, you should give it to me
• I should always feel good about myself

6
WHY WE PAMPER

• Backlash from authoritarian parenting, parent
  blaming
• Political events in 60s and 70s
• Love is enough
• Childrens rights
• Legacy of abuse focus on self-esteem
• Child-centred parenting/teaching philosophies
• It takes a village parenting experts
• Marketing, advertising, nag factor

7
(No Transcript)
8
HOW WE PAMPER . . .

• spend money, give material goods
• do everything for our children
• try to compensate with extra attention
• make excuses for poor behaviour and protect them
  from the consequences of their choices
• give in say no but do yes
• try to be their friend

9
PAMPERED CHILD SYNDROME

• Exaggerated sense of entitlement
• Self-focussed demanding of adult attention
• No recognition of authority, boundaries
• Difficulty with impulse control
• Lack of self-discipline
• Low threshold for discomfort
• No resources for dealing with
  disappointment, failure, loss
• Little guilt, remorse, empathy
• Signs/symptoms of major psychiatric or
  psychological disorder

10
DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSES

• Behaviour Disorders
• Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• Conduct Disorder
• Attention Deficit Disorder
• Depression/Bipolar Disorder
• Anxiety Disorder, School Refusal
• Childhood Obesity
• Learning Disabilities

11
BALANCING THE MESSAGES

• Short-term pain for long-term gain
• Out of boredom comes creativity
• Some issues are not negotiable sometimes there
  is no choice
• There are times when children should be seen and
  not heard
• Rights, privileges and responsibilities
• Life is not a democracy
• Who said life is fair?
• Because I said so
  means You can trust me

12
WHAT ELSE WE CAN DO

• Be careful not to judge there but for fortune
• DARE TO PARENT! Take back our families
• Decide what our values are and teach them
• strive for fairness, not necessarily equality
• teach altruism, empathy and compassion - yes, you
  can!
• remember that saying no will not damage
  self-worth
• Set boundaries so that children are safe
• say what we mean, mean what we say builds trust
• allow chosen and promised consequences to happen

13

• Be on the same team parents, teachers,
  caregivers, professionals UNITE THE RIGHT!
• Stop being afraid of our children
• even if we are, we pretend we are not
• trust children to handle their negative feelings
• Be a parent, not a friend parenting is a
  vocation, not a popularity contest

14
So that our children can

• Know their faculties
• Test their strengths
• Train for real life
• Alfred Adler

15
AND REMEMBER ... when it comes to making a
difference

• whether you think you can
• or
• whether you think you cant
• YOURE RIGHT!