Welcome to the Family Education Training Center of Hawaii

1
Welcome to the Family Education Training Center
of Hawaii

• 415 sign-in take children to classrooms
• 430 buffet dinner and small group discussion
• 500 lecture on parenting concept and method of
  the week
• 520 skills development in small groups
• 545 open-forum counseling of volunteer family
• 630 re-counseling of last weeks family
• 650 questions, homework and closure
• 700 parents join children for Family Together
  activity
• 730 goodbye until next week

2
While we eat Paired Sharing, Active Listening
Small Group Discussion

• Sit in small group of 6-8
• Find a partner
• Actively listen to your partner for 3 minutes as
  s/he describes
• An interaction I had this week with one of my
  children that went really well.
• What was this about?
• Why did it make you feel good?
• Did you feel more relaxed about how your child
  will turn outafter this interaction?
• WHY?

• To listen actively to your partner
• Listen without commenting
• Listen to understand
• Write down the persons answers to the 3
  questions.
• Show you are attending (nod, I see, Oh,
  uh-huh)
• Ask for more information if you do not fully
  understand
• Refrain from giving advice
• Refrain from telling your own, related, story
• After 3 minutes, shift roles

3
Family Education Training Center of Hawaii (FETCH)

• Week 4
• Practical Parenting in a Nutshell
• How to get to yes on important disagreements

4
Parents this semester requested strategies to
avoid

• Teen rebellion
• Teen drug use and other at risk behavior
• School underachievement
• Low motivation
• Disrespectful communication
• Sibling conflict
• Parent-child conflict
• TODAY WE WILL PROVIDE A METHOD FOR COMING TO
  AGREEMENT ON IMPORTANT ISSUES, WITH OLDER
  CHILDREN AND TEENS

5
Preventive factors

• Close bond with parents
• Open communication
• Given responsibilities at home
• Let parents know of whereabouts
• Bring problems to family for solving
• Trusted by parents and trust parents
• Has a voice in family decisions

6
But firstResearch info on homework

• Of moderate usefulness in elementary years
• Useful in intermediate years
• Very useful in high school

7
Parenting Styles and Achievement

• Parenting style most strongly associated with
  high academic achievement is Authoritative
  (High expectations, High supportiveness, Low
  psychological control)

• Parenting style most strongly associated with low
  academic achievement and with delinquency is
  Autocratic with High expectations, high
  psychological control and Low supportiveness

8
HOMEWORK RECOMMENDATIONS
9
Shown not to work

• Homework-centered interactions that are power
  struggles, arguments between children and parents
  result in children RESISTING homework
• Parents bribing or punishing for homeowkr done or
  not done
• Parents doing childrens homework
• Parents offering to structure older childrens
  homework time or work BEFORE the child asks for
  such help

10
What is your style in conflict?

• Push-over
• Want to keep the relationship intact
• Give in easily
• Want the other to be happy with you
• Give in on principles that are important to you

• Tyrant
• Want to win the argument
• Never give in
• Rarely admit fault
• Never give in on principles
• The relationship is less important than being
  right

11
CONFLICT NEGOTIATION

• THE PURPOSE IS FOR THE TWO PARTIES TO GET ON THE
  SAME PAGE
• TO COOPERATE TOWARD A WIN-WIN GOAL THAT IS
  ACCEPTABLE TO EACH

12
GETTING TO YES METHOD

• BE FIRM ON YOUR PRINCIPLES
• Be very clear to yourself about the DEEP
  principle you are arguing over
• Know how to convey this depth principle without
  alienating the other
• Be appropriately assertive in holding to your
  principles

• BE SOFT ON THE PERSON
• Be concerned with maintaining the relationship
• Solving the problem will be so much easier with
  both people working toward solution
• Find ways to convey that your purpose is not to
  disrespect, beat, cut down or alienate the other