Marriage and Intimate Relationships

1

• Chapter 9
• Marriage and Intimate Relationships

2
Challenges to the Traditional Model of Marriage

• LEARNING OBJECTIVES
• Discuss recent trends relating to the acceptance
  of singlehood and cohabitation.
• Describe changing views on the permanence of
  marriage and gender roles.
• Explain how increased childlessness and the
  decline of the nuclear family have affected the
  institution of marriage.

3
Challenges to the Traditional Model of Marriage

• Marriage is the legally and socially
  sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults.
• Traditionally, it has also included
• Economic interdependence.
• Common residence.
• Sexual fidelity.
• Shared responsibility for children.

4
Challenges, continued

• However, the following social trends have
  challenged the traditional model of marriage
• Increased acceptance of singlehood since the
  1960s, the median age at which people marry has
  been increasing (see Figure 9.1).
• Increased acceptance of cohabitation living
  together in a sexually intimate relationship
  without the legal bonds of marriage.

5

• Figure 9.1. Median age at first marriage. The
  median age at which people in the United States
  marry for the first time has been creeping up for
  both males and females since the mid-1960s. This
  trend indicates that more people are postponing
  marriage. (Data from U.S. Bureau of the Census)

6
Challenges, continued

• Trends, continued
• Reduced premium on permanence the stigma of
  divorce has decreased and approximately 50 of
  marriages end in divorce.
• Transitions in gender roles role expectations
  are more varied, flexible and ambiguous.
• Increased voluntary childlessness.
• Decline of the nuclear family.

7
Moving Toward Marriage

• LEARNING OBJECTIVES
• Discuss several factors influencing the selection
  of a mate.
• Outline Mursteins stage theory of mate
  selection.
• Summarize evidence on predictors of marital
  success.

8
Moving Toward Marriage

• Why are people motivated to marry?
• Desire to participate in a socially sanctioned,
  mutually rewarding, intimate relationship.
• Social pressure to adhere to the norm.
• Selecting a mate is influenced by
• Endogamy the tendency of people to marry
  within their own social group.
• Homogamy the tendency of people to marry
  others who have similar personal characteristics.

9
Moving Toward Marriage, continued

• Mate selection, continued
• Gender and mate selection preferences
• Women place more value on a potential partners
  socioeconomic status, intelligence, ambition, and
  financial prospects.
• Men place more value on a potential partners
  youthfulness and physical attractiveness.

10
Moving Toward Marriage, continued

• Mate selection, continued
• Mursteins Stimulus-Value-Role (S-V-R) Theory.
• Couples move through three stages
• The stimulus value stage is there superficial
  attraction? If yes, proceed to stage 2.
• The value comparison stage are your values
  compatible? If yes, move to stage 3.
• The role stage consider whether the other person
  fulfills the role of an intimate companion.

11
Moving Toward Marriage, continued

• Predictors of marital success.
• Family background people whose parents were
  divorced are more likely to divorce themselves.
• Age those who marry at a younger age are more
  likely to divorce.
• Length of courtship longer periods of courtship
  are associated with marital success.
• Personality perfectionism and insecurity are
  loosely associated with marital problems.

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Moving Toward Marriage, continued

• Predictors of marital success, continued
• Personality perfectionism and insecurity are
  loosely associated with marital problems.
• Premarital interaction quality of premarital
  communication is especially crucial.
• In particular, negativity, sarcasm, insulting
  remarks and being unsupportive are all associated
  with marital distress.

13
Marital Adjustment Across the Family Life Cycle

• LEARNING OBJECTIVES
• Explain what the family life cycle is.
• Describe the factors couples weigh in deciding to
  have children.
• Analyze the dynamics of the transition to
  parenthood.
• Identify common problems that surface as a
  familys children reach adolescence.
• Discuss the transitions that occur in the later
  stages of the family life cycle.

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Marital Adjustment Across the Family Life Cycle

• The family life cycle is an orderly sequence
  of developmental stages that families tend to
  progress through.
• McGoldricks (1988, 1999) model outlines the
  special challenges that are faced by couples as
  they progress through six stages of family life
  (see Figure 9.5).

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• Figure 9.5 Stages of the family life cycle. The
  family life cycle can be divided into six stages,
  as shown here (based on Carter McGoldrick,
  1988). The familys key developmental task during
  each stage is identified in the second column.
  The third column lists additional developmental
  tasks at each stage.

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Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• Between Families the Unattached Young Adult.
• As people postpone marriage, this stage will
  likely lengthen.
• Joining Together the Newly Married Couple.
• This honeymoon phase is characterized by high
  levels of satisfaction.

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Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• Family with Young Children.
• Birth of the first child brings a major
  transition and potential stress, especially for
  mothers.
• The key to reducing stress during this transition
  is having realistic expectations.

18
Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• Family with Adolescent Children.
• Adolescence is rated as the most difficult stage
  of parenting and marital satisfaction is at its
  lowest point.
• Conflict is especially likely between teens (both
  males and females) and mothers.
• In addition, many couples are also caring for
  their own aging parents. These double
  responsibilities spurred the term, the sandwich
  generation.

19
Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• Launching Children into the Adult World.
• Also called the empty nest phase, it was
  traditionally thought to create feelings of loss.
• However, womens roles extend beyond parenthood
  and this is now generally associated with greater
  marital satisfaction.
• Problems usually only occur when adult children
  return to the nest.

20
Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• The Family in Later Life.
• Marital satisfaction tends to climb in the
  postparental period when couples have more time
  to devote to one another.
• This continues until a spouses health begins to
  decline, and/or until a spouse dies.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment

• LEARNING OBJECTIVES
• Discuss how gaps in role expectations may affect
  marital adjustment.
• Summarize how spouses work affects their marital
  satisfaction and their children.
• Describe how financial issues are related to
  marital adjustment.
• Summarize evidence on the relationship between
  communication quality and marital adjustment.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment

• Gaps in Role Expectations
• There are now new expectations about marital
  roles, and women are especially affected.
• More women now have demanding careers.
• Yet, they are often interrupted to have children,
  or to follow their husbands.
• In addition, wives still do 65 of the household
  chores, even when they work similar hours (see
  Figure 9.6).

23

• Figure 9.6 Who does the housework? This chart
  breaks down the proportion of housework done by
  husbands and wives for specific tasks. The data
  show that wives continue to do a highly
  disproportionate share of most household tasks,
  especially the core housework tasks (cooking,
  cleaning, laundry) that are hard to ignore. Note
  also, that in spite of great changes in modern
  life, the division of labor in the household
  still largely meshes with traditional gender
  roles. (Data from Bianchi et al., 2000)

24
Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Work and Career Issues
• Work and marital adjustment.
• Husbands and wives struggle to balance the
  demands of work and family responsibilities.
• Spouses stress at work can have significant
  impact on marital and family interactions.
• However, in the long run, multiple roles are
  beneficial to both women and men, as they provide
  social support, more income, and couples find
  they have more in common.

25
Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Work and Career Issues, continued
• Parents work and childrens development.
• Although parents worry about juggling work and
  family roles, and about the impact of dual-career
  couples on children,
• There is actually little evidence that a mothers
  working is harmful to her children, especially
  after the child is one year of age.

26
Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Financial Difficulties
• Serious financial worries tend to cause
• Increased hostility in husbands.
• Increased depression in wives, and
• Lower marital happiness in both spouses.
• In addition, risk of separation and divorce
  increases as husbands income declines.
• Arguments over how to spend money are common and
  potentially damaging at all income levels.

27
Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Inadequate Communication
• Communication problems are the most frequently
  cited problem among couples getting a divorce
  (see Figure 9.8).
• In addition, unhappy couples
• Find it difficult to convey positive messages.
• Misunderstand each other more often.
• Dont recognize theyve been misunderstood.
• Use more negative messages.
• Prefer different amounts of self-disclosure.

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Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Inadequate communication, continued
• Four communication patterns that are risk factors
  for divorce are
• Contempt.
• Criticism.
• Defensiveness.
• Stonewalling.
• Belligerence.

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Divorce

• LEARNING OBJECTIVES
• Describe the evidence on changing divorce rates.
• Discuss how men and women tend to adjust to
  divorce.
• Analyze the evidence on the effects of divorce on
  children.
• Summarize data on the frequency and success of
  remarriage and its impact on children.

30
Divorce

• Although the rate of divorce is declining (down
  to 40-45), it is still high enough to cause
  concern.
• Most divorces occur during the first decade of
  marriage (see Figure 9.8) and usually due to
• Communication difficulties
• Infidelity
• Jealousy
• Growing apart
• Foolish spending behavior
• Substance abuse

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• Figure 9.8 Divorce rate as a function of years
  married. This graph shows the distribution of
  divorces in relation to how long couples have
  been married. As you can see, the vast majority
  of divorces occur in the early years, with
  divorce rates peaking between the fifth and tenth
  years of marriage. (Data from National Center for
  Heath Statistics)

32
Divorce, continued

• Deciding on a Divorce
• The decision to divorce is a complex one that is
  usually the result of a long series of smaller
  events that unfold over a long period of time.
• Adjusting to Divorce
• Divorce is more difficult and disruptive to women
  than to men, especially if there are children.
• Custodial mothers incomes drop by 36.
• Fathers incomes increase by 28.

33
Divorce, continued

• Adjusting to a Divorce, continued
• Preoccupation with an ex-spouse is also
  associated with poorer adjustment.
• Factors associated with favorable adjustment
  after a divorce include
• Having higher income.
• Getting remarried.
• Having more positive attitudes about divorce.
• Being the partner who initiated the divorce.

34
Divorce, continued

• Effects of Divorce on Children.
• After a divorce, many children exhibit
• Depression and/or anxiety.
• Nightmares, dependency.
• Aggression, withdrawal or distractibility.
• Lowered academic performance.
• Reduced physical health.
• Precocious sexual behavior.
• Substance abuse.

35
Divorce, continued

• Effects of Divorce on Children, continued
• However, it should be noted that
• Divorce can have highly varied effects on
  children that depend on a complex array of
  factors.
• Finally, sometimes divorce can actually have
  positive effects on children IF it reduces or
  removes conflict that was present in their
  married parents.

36
Divorce, continued

• Remarriage
• Approximately three-fourths of divorced people
  eventually remarry.
• However, divorce rates are higher for second,
  than for first, marriages.
• In addition, remarriage can also be difficult for
  children and stepparent-stepchild relations tend
  to be more negative and distant than parent-child
  relations in first marriages (see Figure 9.9).

37

• Figure 9.9 Childrens adjustment in four types
  of families. Acock and Demo (1994) assessed
  childrens adjustment in four types of family
  structures first marriages, divorced
  single-parent homes, stepfamilies, and families
  in which the mother never married. The
  comparisons of 2457 families did turn up some
  statistically significant differences, as
  childrens overall well-being was highest in
  intact first marriages. However, as you can see,
  the differences were rather small, and the
  authors concluded that family structure has a
  modest effect on childrens well-being.

38
Alternatives to Marriage

• LEARNING OBJECTIVES
• Describe the stereotypes of single life, and
  summarize evidence on the adjustment of single
  people.
• Discuss the prevalence of cohabitation and
  whether it improves the probability of marital
  success.
• Discuss the stability and dynamics of intimate
  relationships among homosexual couples.
• Outline some misconceptions about gay couples.

39
Alternatives to Marriage

• Remaining Single.
• Many factors have contributed to the growth of
  the single population, including
• Increased age at which people marry.
• Increased rate of divorce.
• Although singles are either stereotyped as
  bitter and unhappy or as bar-hopping
  socialites, there is little support for either.

40
Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Remaining Single, continued
• Compared to married people, singles do exhibit
  slightly worse mental and physical health and
  rate themselves as less happy.
• However, the difference is modest, and applies
  more to men, than to women.

41
Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Cohabitation living together in a sexually
  intimate relationship outside of marriage.
• There has been a large increase in the number of
  couples who cohabitate (see Figure 9.11).
• Many couples use cohabitation as a trial
  marriage, hoping to ensure success.
• However, cohabitation is actually associated with
  increases in marital discord, not success.

42

• Figure 9.11 Cohabitation in the United States.
  The number of unmarried couples living together
  has been increasing rapidly since 1970 (based on
  U.S. Census data). This increase shows no signs
  of leveling off.

43
Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Gay relationships.
• Approximately 5 - 8 of the adult population is
  homosexual (see Figure 9.12).
• Gay relationships have special challenges
• Societal disapproval.
• Absence of social legitimization, support and
  legal protection.
• Absence of prescribed roles for each partner.
• Discrimination and abuse.

44

• Figure 9.12 How common is homosexuality? The
  answer to this question is both complex and
  controversial. Michaels (1996) brought together
  data from large-scale surveys to arrive at the
  estimates shown here. If you look at how many
  people have actually had a same-sex partner in
  the last five years, the figures are relatively
  low, but if you count those who have had a
  same-sex partner since puberty, the figures more
  than double. Still another way to look at it is
  to ask people whether they are attracted to
  people of the same sex (regardless of their
  actual behavior). This approach suggests that
  about 8 of the population could be characterized
  as homosexual.

45
Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Gay Relationships, continued
• But are gay relationships really different from
  homosexual ones?
• No. Gay relationships have
• similar levels of love and commitment
• similar levels of satisfaction
• the same predictors of success, and
• the same sources of conflict.

46
Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Gay Relationships, continued
• Misconceptions about gay relationships.
• Gay couples adopt traditional masculine and
  feminine roles in their relationships.
• In fact, roles are more equitable.
• Gays rarely get involved in long-term
  relationships.
• In fact, nearly all homosexuals prefer long-term
  committed relationships, although lesbian
  relationships are more likely to be sexual
  exclusive.

47
Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Misconceptions, continued
• Gays and lesbians are thought of more as
  individuals, than as members of families.
• In fact, gays and lesbians are very involved with
  their families as sons, daughters, aunts,
  uncles, grandparents, and even parents.
• Overall adjustment of children of gay parents is
  similar to children of heterosexual parents and
  they are no more likely to become gay than are
  children of heterosexual parents.

48
APPLICATION Understanding Intimate Violence

• LEARNING OBJECTIVES
• Discuss the incidence of partner abuse and the
  characteristics of batterers.
• Discuss why women stay in abusive relationships.
• Discuss the incidence and consequences of date
  rape.
• Explain the factors that contribute to date rape.

49
Application Understanding Intimate Violence

• Intimate Violence is aggression toward those
  who are in close relationship to the aggressor.
• It can take many forms, including
• Psychological abuse
• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse.
• Two common types are Partner Abuse and Date Rape.

50
Understanding Intimate Violence, cont.

• Partner Abuse often includes these forms of
  battering
• Physical abuse (e.g., kicking or choking)
• Emotional abuse (e.g., humiliation, control,
  withholding money)
• Sexual abuse (e.g., using sex to control,
  manipulate or demean the other)

51
Intimate Violence, continued

• Partner Abuse, continued
• Incidence and Consequences
• 25 of women and 7 of men have been physically
  assaulted by an intimate partner.
• Women are victims in 85 of these crimes which
  are nonfatal and are victims in 75 of murders
  committed by spouses.
• Victims also suffer from post-traumatic stress
  disorder and are vulnerable to suicide.
• Children who witness violence are at risk for
  anxiety and depression.

52
Intimate Violence, continued

• Partner Abuse, continued
• Characteristics of batterers
• Risk factors associated with domestic violence
  include
• Unemployment.
• Drinking and drug problems.
• Tendency to anger easily.
• Attitudes that condone aggression.
• High stress.
• Males exposed to violence as children.

53
Intimate Violence, continued

• Partner Abuse, continued
• Why Do Women Stay?
• Fear of economic hardship
• They have nowhere else to live
• They feel guilt and shame and do not want to face
  family and friends.
• They fear that leaving will cause more severe
  abuse or murder (statistics support this fear).

54
Understanding Intimate Violence, cont.

• Date Rape - refers to forced and unwanted
  intercourse in the context of dating.
• It can occur on first dates, after many dates or
  even between engaged couples.
• Force used is typically verbal or physical
  coercion or it may involve a weapon.

55
Intimate Violence, continued

• Date Rape, continued
• Incidence and Consequences
• 13 to 30 of women may be victimized at some
  point in their lives.
• Over half of all rapes occur in a dating context
  (see Figure 9.15).
• Most victims are between 16 and 24 years of age.
• Consequences include depression, post-traumatic
  stress, and risk for suicide.

56

• Figure 9.15 Rape victim-offender relationships.
  Based on a national survey of 3187 college women,
  Mary Koss and her colleagues (1988) identified a
  sample of 468 women who indicated that they had
  been a victim of rape and who provided
  information on the relationship to the offender.
  Contrary to the prevailing stereotype, only a
  small minority (11 percent) had been raped by a
  stranger. As you can see, over half of rapes
  occur in the context of dating relationships.
  (Data based on Koss et al., 1988)

57
Intimate Violence, continued

• Date rape, continued
• Contributing Factors
• Alcohol drugs (especially date rape drugs)
• Gender differences in sexual standards
• Miscommunication about whether the woman consents
  to sex.
• Males who are impulsive, low in empathy, hostile
  toward women, heavy alcohol users, endorse
  stereotypes about male dominance, and have had
  more sex partners than age-mates.

58
Intimate Violence, continued

• Contributing Factors, continued
• Men are more likely to be offenders if
• They are impulsive, low in empathy, and are
  hostile toward women.
• They are heavy drinkers.
• They endorse traditional stereotypes about male
  dominance.
• They have had more consensual sex partners than
  their age-mates.
• They have poor anger management skills.

59
Intimate Violence, continued

• Contributing Factors, continued
• Situational factors can increase likelihood of
  date rape. It is more likely if
• The man knows the woman.
• They are in a more isolated setting.
• They have had more consensual sexual activity.
• The man has misperceived the womans interest in
  sex in the past.

60
Intimate Violence, continued

• Reducing the incidence of date rape.
• Recognize data rape as an act of sexual
  aggression.
• Become familiar with the characteristics of men
  who are likely to engage in date rape (see Figure
  9.16).
• Beware of excessive alcohol and drug use, which
  may lower your inhibitions.

61

• Figure 9.16 Date rapists warning signs.
  According to Rozee, Bateman, and Gilmore (1991),
  four factors appear to distinguish date rapists
  feelings of sexual entitlement, a penchant for
  exerting power and control, high hostility and
  anger, and acceptance of interpersonal violence.
  The presence of more than one of these
  characteristics is an important warning sign.
  When sexual entitlement is coupled with any other
  factor, special heed should be taken.

62
Intimate Violence, continued

• Reducing Date Rape, continued
• Only go to public places and carry enough money
  that you can get home on your own.
• Communicate feelings and expectations about sex.
• Be prepared to act aggressively, if assertive
  refusals do not work.