Marriage and Intimate Relationships

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• Chapter 9
• Marriage and Intimate Relationships

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Challenges to the Traditional Model of Marriage

• Marriage is the legally and socially
  sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults.
• Traditionally, it has also included
• Economic interdependence.
• Common residence.
• Sexual fidelity.
• Shared responsibility for children.

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Challenges, continued

• However, the following social trends have
  challenged the traditional model of marriage
• Increased acceptance of singlehood since the
  1960s, the median age at which people marry has
  been increasing (see Figure 9.1).
• Increased acceptance of cohabitation living
  together in a sexually intimate relationship
  without the legal bonds of marriage.

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Challenges, continued

• Trends, continued
• Reduced premium on permanence the stigma of
  divorce has decreased and approximately 50 of
  marriages end in divorce.
• Transitions in gender roles role expectations
  are more varied, flexible and ambiguous.
• Increased voluntary childlessness.
• Decline of the nuclear family.

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Moving Toward Marriage, continued

• Predictors of marital success.
• Family background people whose parents were
  divorced are more likely to divorce themselves.
• Age those who marry at a younger age are more
  likely to divorce.
• Length of courtship longer periods of courtship
  are associated with marital success.
• Personality perfectionism and insecurity are
  loosely associated with marital problems.
• Premarital interaction quality of premarital
  communication is especially crucial.

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Marital Adjustment Across the Family Life Cycle

• The family life cycle is an orderly sequence
  of developmental stages that families tend to
  progress through.
• McGoldricks (1988, 1999) model outlines the
  special challenges that are faced by couples as
  they progress through six stages of family life
  (see Figure 9.5).

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Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• Between Families the Unattached Young Adult.
• As people postpone marriage, this stage will
  likely lengthen.
• Joining Together the Newly Married Couple.
• This honeymoon phase is characterized by high
  levels of satisfaction.
• Family with Young Children.
• Birth of the first child brings a major
  transition and potential stress, especially for
  mothers.
• The key to reducing stress during this transition
  is having realistic expectations.

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Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• Family with Adolescent Children.
• Adolescence is rated as the most difficult stage
  of parenting and marital satisfaction is at its
  lowest point.
• Conflict is especially likely between teens (both
  males and females) and mothers.
• In addition, many couples are also caring for
  their own aging parents. These double
  responsibilities spurred the term, the sandwich
  generation.

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Marital Adjustments, continued

• McGoldricks model, continued
• Launching Children into the Adult World.
• Also called the empty nest phase, it was
  traditionally thought to create feelings of loss.
• However, womens roles extend beyond parenthood
  and this is now generally associated with greater
  marital satisfaction.
• Problems usually only occur when adult children
  return to the nest.
• The Family in Later Life.
• Marital satisfaction tends to climb in the
  postparental period when couples have more time
  to devote to one another.
• This continues until a spouses health begins to
  decline, and/or until a spouse dies.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment

• Gaps in Role Expectations
• There are now new expectations about marital
  roles, and women are especially affected.
• More women now have demanding careers.
• Yet, they are often interrupted to have children,
  or to follow their husbands.
• In addition, wives still do 65 of the household
  chores, even when they work similar hours (see
  Figure 9.6).

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• Figure 9.6 Who does the housework? This chart
  breaks down the proportion of housework done by
  husbands and wives for specific tasks. The data
  show that wives continue to do a highly
  disproportionate share of most household tasks,
  especially the core housework tasks (cooking,
  cleaning, laundry) that are hard to ignore. Note
  also, that in spite of great changes in modern
  life, the division of labor in the household
  still largely meshes with traditional gender
  roles. (Data from Bianchi et al., 2000)

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Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Work and Career Issues, continued
• Parents work and childrens development.
• Although parents worry about juggling work and
  family roles, and about the impact of dual-career
  couples on children,
• There is actually little evidence that a mothers
  working is harmful to her children, especially
  after the child is one year of age.

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Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Financial Difficulties
• Serious financial worries tend to cause
• Increased hostility in husbands.
• Increased depression in wives, and
• Lower marital happiness in both spouses.
• In addition, risk of separation and divorce
  increases as husbands income declines.
• Arguments over how to spend money are common and
  potentially damaging at all income levels.

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Vulnerable Areas, continued

• Inadequate Communication
• Communication problems are the most frequently
  cited problem among couples getting a divorce
  (see Figure 9.8).
• In addition, unhappy couples
• Find it difficult to convey positive messages.
• Misunderstand each other more often.
• Dont recognize theyve been misunderstood.
• Use more negative messages.
• Prefer different amounts of self-disclosure.

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Divorce

• Although the rate of divorce is declining (down
  to 40-45), it is still high enough to cause
  concern.
• Most divorces occur during the first decade of
  marriage (see Figure 9.8) and usually due to
• Communication difficulties
• Infidelity
• Jealousy
• Growing apart
• Foolish spending behavior
• Substance abuse

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• Figure 9.8 Divorce rate as a function of years
  married. This graph shows the distribution of
  divorces in relation to how long couples have
  been married. As you can see, the vast majority
  of divorces occur in the early years, with
  divorce rates peaking between the fifth and tenth
  years of marriage. (Data from National Center for
  Heath Statistics)

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Divorce, continued

• Deciding on a Divorce
• The decision to divorce is a complex one that is
  usually the result of a long series of smaller
  events that unfold over a long period of time.
• Adjusting to Divorce
• Divorce is more difficult and disruptive to women
  than to men, especially if there are children.
• Custodial mothers incomes drop by 36.
• Fathers incomes increase by 28.

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Divorce, continued

• Adjusting to a Divorce, continued
• Preoccupation with an ex-spouse is also
  associated with poorer adjustment.
• Factors associated with favorable adjustment
  after a divorce include
• Having higher income.
• Getting remarried.
• Having more positive attitudes about divorce.
• Being the partner who initiated the divorce.

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Divorce, continued

• Effects of Divorce on Children.
• After a divorce, many children exhibit
• Depression and/or anxiety.
• Nightmares, dependency.
• Aggression, withdrawal or distractibility.
• Lowered academic performance.
• Reduced physical health.
• Precocious sexual behavior.
• Substance abuse.

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Divorce, continued

• Effects of Divorce on Children, continued
• However, it should be noted that
• Divorce can have highly varied effects on
  children that depend on a complex array of
  factors.
• Finally, sometimes divorce can actually have
  positive effects on children IF it reduces or
  removes conflict that was present in their
  married parents.

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Divorce, continued

• Remarriage
• Approximately three-fourths of divorced people
  eventually remarry.
• However, divorce rates are higher for second,
  than for first, marriages.
• In addition, remarriage can also be difficult for
  children and stepparent-stepchild relations tend
  to be more negative and distant than parent-child
  relations in first marriages (see Figure 9.9).

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Alternatives to Marriage

• Remaining Single.
• Many factors have contributed to the growth of
  the single population, including
• Increased age at which people marry.
• Increased rate of divorce.
• Compared to married people, singles do exhibit
  slightly worse mental and physical health and
  rate themselves as less happy.
• However, the difference is modest, and applies
  more to men, than to women.

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Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Cohabitation living together in a sexually
  intimate relationship outside of marriage.
• There has been a large increase in the number of
  couples who cohabitate (see Figure 9.11).
• Many couples use cohabitation as a trial
  marriage, hoping to ensure success.
• However, cohabitation is actually associated with
  increases in marital discord, not success.

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Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Gay relationships.
• Approximately 5 - 8 of the adult population is
  homosexual (see Figure 9.12).
• Gay relationships have special challenges
• Societal disapproval.
• Absence of social legitimization, support and
  legal protection.
• Absence of prescribed roles for each partner.
• Discrimination and abuse.

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Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Gay Relationships, continued
• But are gay relationships really different from
  heterosexual ones?
• No. Gay relationships have
• similar levels of love and commitment
• similar levels of satisfaction
• the same predictors of success, and
• the same sources of conflict.

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Alternatives to Marriage, continued

• Gay Relationships, continued
• Misconceptions about gay relationships.
• Gay couples adopt traditional masculine and
  feminine roles in their relationships.
• In fact, roles are more equitable.
• Gays rarely get involved in long-term
  relationships.
• In fact, nearly all homosexuals prefer long-term
  committed relationships, although lesbian
  relationships are more likely to be sexual
  exclusive.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence

• Intimate Violence is aggression toward those
  who are in close relationship to the aggressor.
• It can take many forms, including
• Psychological abuse
• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse.
• Two common types are Partner Abuse and Date Rape.

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Understanding Intimate Violence, cont.

• Partner Abuse often includes these forms of
  battering
• Physical abuse (e.g., kicking or choking)
• Emotional abuse (e.g., humiliation, control,
  withholding money)
• Sexual abuse (e.g., using sex to control,
  manipulate or demean the other)

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Intimate Violence, continued

• Partner Abuse, continued
• Incidence and Consequences
• 25 of women and 7 of men have been physically
  assaulted by an intimate partner.
• Women are victims in 85 of these crimes which
  are nonfatal and are victims in 75 of murders
  committed by spouses.
• Victims also suffer from post-traumatic stress
  disorder and are vulnerable to suicide.
• Children who witness violence are at risk for
  anxiety and depression.

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Intimate Violence, continued

• Partner Abuse, continued
• Characteristics of batterers
• Risk factors associated with domestic violence
  include
• Unemployment.
• Drinking and drug problems.
• Tendency to anger easily.
• Attitudes that condone aggression.
• High stress.
• Males exposed to violence as children.

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Intimate Violence, continued

• Partner Abuse, continued
• Why Do Women Stay?
• Fear of economic hardship
• They have nowhere else to live
• They feel guilt and shame and do not want to face
  family and friends.
• They fear that leaving will cause more severe
  abuse or murder (statistics support this fear).

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Understanding Intimate Violence, cont.

• Date Rape - refers to forced and unwanted
  intercourse in the context of dating.
• It can occur on first dates, after many dates or
  even between engaged couples.
• Force used is typically verbal or physical
  coercion or it may involve a weapon.

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Intimate Violence, continued

• Date Rape, continued
• Incidence and Consequences
• 13 to 30 of women may be victimized at some
  point in their lives.
• Over half of all rapes occur in a dating context
  (see Figure 9.15).
• Most victims are between 16 and 24 years of age.
• Consequences include depression, post-traumatic
  stress, and risk for suicide.

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• Figure 9.15 Rape victim-offender relationships.
  Based on a national survey of 3187 college women,
  Mary Koss and her colleagues (1988) identified a
  sample of 468 women who indicated that they had
  been a victim of rape and who provided
  information on the relationship to the offender.
  Contrary to the prevailing stereotype, only a
  small minority (11 percent) had been raped by a
  stranger. As you can see, over half of rapes
  occur in the context of dating relationships.
  (Data based on Koss et al., 1988)

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Intimate Violence, continued

• Date rape, continued
• Contributing Factors
• Alcohol drugs (especially date rape drugs)
• Gender differences in sexual standards
• Miscommunication about whether the woman consents
  to sex.
• Males who are impulsive, low in empathy, hostile
  toward women, heavy alcohol users, endorse
  stereotypes about male dominance, and have had
  more sex partners than age-mates.

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Intimate Violence, continued

• Reducing Date Rape, continued
• Only go to public places and carry enough money
  that you can get home on your own.
• Communicate feelings and expectations about sex.
• Be prepared to act aggressively, if assertive
  refusals do not work.