Kids - Are They Builders Or Destroyers.

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Great Tips For Child Care Check This
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the movie South Pacific there is a song titled
"You've Got To Be Taught". Kids are taught, or
not taught, to be a builder or a destroyer. I do
not mean that we adults set out to teach our kids
the "builder/destroyer" concept. It happens when
their normal behavior methods of getting angry,
yelling, being a bully, saying cruel things to
each other and their parents. We adults say "Oh,
it is their age - they will outgrow it." Most of
the kids do outgrow it however, only after it
has been pointed out to them that this is
unacceptable behavior. If it is not corrected
when they start performing these normal behavior
patterns, chances are they will never outgrow
them and could grow up to be a destroyer instead
of a builder. Kids are too unpredictable and can
figure out on their own, after a while, what is
acceptable behavior and what is not. I believe a
prime illustration comes from my case files when
a mom, from Ohio, called me to say the teacher of
her son had e-mailed her stating that he was
being teased and not socializing with the other
kids in his class. She hired me, as a coach, to
talk with her son to discover IF there was a
problem. After collecting some background
information on the kid from his parents, an
interview was set up for the purpose of
discussing any problems. At the time of the
interview, he was 8 years old. His mom just took
him to the doctor for his physical and the doctor
reported that her son had the body of a 11-year
old in height and weight.
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As we talked, I asked him if he experienced other
kids teasing him in anyway. He quickly said
"yes". I asked him "if he would talk to me about
it." He said, "Sure". Here is how the
conversation went (been cut-down to highlight my
point of how some kids figure out things on their
own). ME You have experienced other kids teasing
you? KID Yes ME Tell me what it sounds like
when other kids tease you. KID "Hey Dumbo" -
"Hey Shorty" and things like that. ME How does
that make you feel? KID It hurts my feelings ME
I bet it does. What do you do with those
feelings? KID I give the kid his first warning.
I go to the kid and say "When you say things like
that, it hurts my feelings and I want you to
stop." ME You give them a warning. That sounds
fair. Does that work? KID Most of the time
"no" ME Then what do you do?
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KID When it happens again. I report it to
teacher because she is the boss at school. ME
Does that work? KID Sometimes ME If it does not
work, what do you do then? KID I fire them. ME
WOW. You fire them - How Do You Fire A Kid? KID
I stop playing with them. ME It sounds like "3
strikes and you are out". KID Yes ME Does that
make you lonely? KID No - I have other friends
that do not tease me. ME Can parents help in
anyway? KID They can have a teacher/parent
conference and fix the problem. ME What if that
does not work? KID Then they need to have a
parent/parent/teacher conference. ME What is
that? KID The parent of the kid being teased and
the parent of the kid doing the teasing and the
teacher should have a conference together and fix
the problem. ME Do you have anything else you
want to say about this? KID No.
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It appears this kid has figure out that he would
do 3 things 1)Tell the other kid his feelings
are hurt and ask the kid to stop the teasing 2)
Tell someone in authority (the teacher) and 3)
Fire the kid and walk away from the problem. I am
almost certain that somewhere along his life an
adult (probably one of his parents) took the time
to teach him how to sum up a problem develop a
plan to handle the problem stick with it (no
matter what others might say) and take action to
solve the problem. This kid could possibly be one
of our future "builders". And, the kid who
ignored his warning, ignore the counsel of the
and got left behind on the playground could grow
up to be a "destroyer" if he has not yet figured
out. on his own, that his behavior is
unacceptable and disrespectful. Article
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