Mate Selection

1
Chapter 7

• Mate Selection

2
Chapter Outline

• Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection
• Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
• Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
• Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate
  Selection

3
Chapter Outline

• Engagement
• Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .
• Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship

4
True or False?

• Persons who participate in a premarital education
  program show no benefits in relationship quality
  when compared with nonparticipants.

5
Answer False

• Research shows that the average participant in a
  premarital prevention program experienced about a
  30 increase in measures of outcome success.
  They were more likely than nonparticipants to
  experience immediate and short-term gains in
  interpersonal skills and overall relationship
  quality.

6
True or False?

• The more individuals have in common, the higher
  their reported relationship happiness and
  quality.

7
Answer True

• The more individuals have in common, the higher
  their reported relationship happiness and quality.

8
True or False?

• Persons who end up being in a happy, durable
  marriage knew each other at least two years
  before they married.

9
Answer True

• Persons who end up being in a happy, durable
  marriage knew each other at least two years
  before they married.

10
Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection

• Fewer than 1 of persons marry someone outside
  their race.
• Independent of sexual orientation, two forms of
  cultural pressure operative in mate selection
  are
• Endogamy - Expectation to marry within ones
  social group.
• Exogamy - Expectation to marry outside ones own
  family group.

11
Mate Selection

• Film writer/director Woody Allen was the target
  of social disapproval when he violated the
  principle of exogamy by marrying the adopted
  daughter of his long-time partner, Mia Farrow.

• Pg. 195

12
Homogamy

• The homogamy theory of mate selection states that
  we tend to be attracted to and become involved
  with those who are similar to us in age, race,
  religion, and social class.
• The more couples have in common, the higher the
  reported relationship satisfaction and the more
  durable the relationship.

• Physical appearance
• Marriage status
• Personality
• Propinquity

13
Common Homogenous Characteristics

• Age
• Race
• Religion
• Education
• Social class

14
Interracial Marriage

• Pg. 196

• Although most couples are open to interracial
  dating (this couple lives together), fewer are
  open to getting married.

15
Question

• The cultural expectation to find a mate within
  one's social group is called
• homogamy.
• exogamy.
• monogamy.
• endogamy.

16
Answer D

• The cultural expectation to find a mate within
  one's social group is called endogamy.

17
Spirituality and Religion in Mate Selection

• Couples with a homogeneous religious marriage may
  have greater marital stability due to the value
  of religion for resolving conflicts.
• Religious literature often provides practical,
  down-to-earth suggestions for relationship
  enhancement.

18
Complementary-Needs Theory

• States that we select mates whose needs are
  opposite and complementary to our own.
• Questions raised about this theory
• Can personality needs be met outside the
  relationship?
• What is a complementary need as opposed to a
  similar value?
• Could a dependent person develop confidence and
  no longer need to be with a dominant person?

19
Exchange Theory

• Mate selection is based on who offers the
  greatest rewards at the lowest cost
• Rewards - Behaviors and resources that influence
  you to continue the relationship.
• Cost - Unpleasant aspects of the relationship.
• Profit - When rewards exceed costs.
• Loss - When costs exceed rewards.
• Alternative - Does another person offer a higher
  profit margin?

20
Parental Characteristics

• Freud suggested that the choice of a love object
  in adulthood represents a shift in libidinal
  energy from the first love objectsthe parents.
• Role theory and modeling theory emphasize that a
  son or daughter models after the parent of the
  same sex by selecting a partner similar to the
  one the parent selected.

21
Sociobiology

• Men and women select mates on the basis of their
  concern for producing offspring.
• Men look for a young, healthy, attractive,
  sexually conservative woman who will produce
  healthy children and take care of them.
• Women look for an ambitious man with good
  economic capacity who will invest resources in
  her children.

22
Criticisms of the Sociobiology

• Women show concern for the earning capacity of
  men because they have been denied access to
  similar economic resources.
• Both women and men think about their partners
  more as companions than as future parents of
  their offspring.

23
Question

• Which scenario best describes complementary needs
  theory?
• selection of mates with opposite values
• selection of mates with similar looks
• selection of mates with similar values
• selection of mates with different looks

24
Answer A

• A selection of mates with opposite values best
  describes complementary needs theory.

25
Question

• Which of the following emphasizes that people
  select partners who offer the greatest benefits
  at the least cost?
• profit margin
• complimentary needs theory
• exchange theory
• principle of least interest

26
Answer C

• Exchange theory emphasizes that people select
  partners who offer the greatest benefits at the
  least cost.

27
Question

• Sociobiology
• proposes that behavior in selecting mates is
  reduced to environmental factors.
• makes scientific inquiry to the notion that men
  are attracted to younger women and women are
  attracted to men with money.
• discredits Charles Darwin's natural selection
  process theory.
• goes against traditional stereotypes of American
  culture.

28
Answer B

• Sociobiology makes scientific inquiry to the
  notion that men are attracted to younger women
  and women are attracted to men with money.

29
Desired Personality Characteristics for a Mate

• Men and women report that the personality
  characteristics of being warm, kind, open, and
  having a sense of humor were very important to
  them in selecting a romantic/sexual partner.

30
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce

• Disagreeable/low positives
• Partners who always find something to argue about
  and who find few opportunities to make positive
  observations should be considered with caution.
• Poor impulse control
• Persons who have poor impulse control have little
  self-restraint and may be prone to aggression and
  violence.

31
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce

• Hypersensitivity
• When any negative statement or criticism is
  received with a greater impact than intended,
  couples lose the ability to talk through
  problems.
• Inflated ego
• Someone with an inflated sense of self may be
  less likely to consider the other persons
  opinion in a conflict and prefer to dictate an
  outcome.

32
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce

• Being neurotic
• Such individuals are perfectionists and require
  of themselves and others that they be perfect.
• Anxiety
• Husbands who report high levels of anxiety tend
  to report lower marital adjustment.

33
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce

• Insecurity
• Insecurity compromises marital happiness.
• Control
• Individuals who are controlled by their family,
  former partner, or whomever compromise the
  marriage because their allegiance is external to
  the relationship.

34
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Paranoid Suspicious, defensive You may be accused of everything.
Schizoid Cold, aloof, reclusive You may feel that this person is not capable of returning your love.
35
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Borderline Moody,unstable, volatile You never know what your Jekyll-Hyde partner will be like.
Antisocial Deceptive, untrustworthy, remorseless This person could cheat on you, lie, or steal from you and not feel guilty.
36
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Narcissistic Egotistical, demanding, greedy, selfish This person views you in terms of your value to them, dont expect them to see anything from your point of view.
Dependent Helpless, weak, clingy, insecure This person demands your full attention, other interests will incite jealousy.
37
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Obsessive - compulsive Rigid, inflexible This person has rigid ideas about how you should think and behave and may try to impose them on you.
38
Engagement

• Asking Specific Questions
• Partners may neither ask nor reveal information
  that they feel will be met with disapproval
  during casual dating.
• The engagement is a time to get specific about
  the other partners thoughts, feelings, values,
  goals, and expectations.

39
Engagement

• Visiting Partners Parents
• If you want to know what your partner may be like
  in the future, look at his or her parent of the
  same sex.
• If you want to know how your partner is likely to
  treat you in the future, observe the way your
  partners parent of the same sex treats and
  interacts with his or her spouse.

40
Visiting Partners Parents

• The girl should focus on how her boyfriends
  father treats his mother, as this is how her
  boyfriend is likely to treat her.
• The boy should look at how the girls mother
  treats her father, as this is how the girlfriend
  is likely to treat him.

• Pg. 207

41
Engagement

• Premarital Programs and Counseling
• Some premarital couples attend the Prevention and
  Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP).
• Couples who learned how to communicate and
  negotiate conflict been less likely than a
  control group to divorce or separate.
• They also report greater marital satisfaction,
  fewer conflicts, and less physical violence.

42
Engagement

• Prenuptial Agreement
• Designed to specify how property will be divided
  if the marriage ends in divorce or by the death
  of one partner.
• Reasons for a prenuptial agreement
• Protecting assets for children from a prior
  relationship.
• Protecting business associates.

43
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .

• Age 18 or Younger
• Individuals who marry in their teens have a
  greater risk of divorce.
• Known Partner Less Than Two Years
• Partners who date at least two years before
  getting married report the highest level of
  marital satisfaction.

44
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .

• Abusive Relationship
• Partners who emotionally and/or physically abuse
  their partners while dating continue this in
  marriage.
• Numerous Significant Differences
• Persons who report the greatest degree of
  satisfaction in relationships have a great deal
  in common.

45
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .

• On-and-Off Relationship
• Couples who routinely break up and get back
  together should examine the issues that recur in
  their relationship.
• Dramatic Parental Disapproval
• If the parents of either partner disapprove of,
  the partners should try to evaluate these
  concerns objectively.

46
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .

• Low Sexual Satisfaction
• Sexual satisfaction is linked to relationship
  satisfaction, love, and commitment.
• Marrying for the Wrong Reason

47
Marrying for the Wrong Reason

• Examples include
• Rebound
• Escape
• Unanticipated pregnancy
• Psychological blackmail
• Pity
• Filling a void

48
Question

• In a comparing couples who have gone through
  pre-marital counseling versus those who have not,
  pre-marital counseling has been shown to have
  which of the following effects on a marriage?
• either more positive or more negative, depending
  on the dynamics of the couple
• negative
• positive
• none at all

49
Answer C

• In a comparing couples who have gone through
  pre-marital counseling versus those who have not,
  pre-marital counseling has been shown to have
  positive effects on a marriage.

50
Runaway Bride

• Jennifer Wilbanks ran away just days before her
  wedding which 600 guests were to attend.
• Having anxiety about one's wedding is normal.
• Getting cold feet to the point of not showing up
  ones wedding day is unusual.

• Pg. 218

51
Before Ending a Relationship

• Is there any desire or hope to revive and improve
  the relationship?
• Acknowledge and accept that terminating a
  relationship may be painful for both partners.
• Blame yourself for the end.
• If you give your partner a way to make things
  better, you may feel obligated to give your
  partner a second chance if he or she promises
  change.

52
Before Ending a Relationship

• Cut off the relationship completely.
• If you are ending the relationship, it will be
  easier for you to continue to see the other
  person, but the other person will heal faster if
  you stay away.
• Learn from the terminated relationship.
• Recognize your contribution to the breakup and
  work on characteristics that might be a source of
  problems to future relationships.
• Allow time to grieve over the end of the
  relationship.

53
Recovering from a Broken Heart

• Some findings from a study about recovery from
  breakups
• Sex differences - Women were more likely (50)
  than men (40) to initiate the breakup.
• Sex differences - Men reported more difficulty
  than women in adjusting to a breakup.
• Factors in recovery - The passage of time and
  involvement with a new partner were the most
  helpful factors in getting over a breakup.