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Mate Selection

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Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks ran away just days before her wedding which 600 guests were to attend. Having anxiety about one's wedding is normal. – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Mate Selection


1
Chapter 7
  • Mate Selection

2
Chapter Outline
  • Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection
  • Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
  • Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
  • Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate
    Selection

3
Chapter Outline
  • Engagement
  • Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .
  • Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship

4
True or False?
  • Persons who participate in a premarital education
    program show no benefits in relationship quality
    when compared with nonparticipants.

5
Answer False
  • Research shows that the average participant in a
    premarital prevention program experienced about a
    30 increase in measures of outcome success.
    They were more likely than nonparticipants to
    experience immediate and short-term gains in
    interpersonal skills and overall relationship
    quality.

6
True or False?
  • The more individuals have in common, the higher
    their reported relationship happiness and
    quality.

7
Answer True
  • The more individuals have in common, the higher
    their reported relationship happiness and quality.

8
True or False?
  • Persons who end up being in a happy, durable
    marriage knew each other at least two years
    before they married.

9
Answer True
  • Persons who end up being in a happy, durable
    marriage knew each other at least two years
    before they married.

10
Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection
  • Fewer than 1 of persons marry someone outside
    their race.
  • Independent of sexual orientation, two forms of
    cultural pressure operative in mate selection
    are
  • Endogamy - Expectation to marry within ones
    social group.
  • Exogamy - Expectation to marry outside ones own
    family group.

11
Mate Selection
  • Film writer/director Woody Allen was the target
    of social disapproval when he violated the
    principle of exogamy by marrying the adopted
    daughter of his long-time partner, Mia Farrow.
  • Pg. 195

12
Homogamy
  • The homogamy theory of mate selection states that
    we tend to be attracted to and become involved
    with those who are similar to us in age, race,
    religion, and social class.
  • The more couples have in common, the higher the
    reported relationship satisfaction and the more
    durable the relationship.
  • Physical appearance
  • Marriage status
  • Personality
  • Propinquity

13
Common Homogenous Characteristics
  • Age
  • Race
  • Religion
  • Education
  • Social class

14
Interracial Marriage
  • Pg. 196
  • Although most couples are open to interracial
    dating (this couple lives together), fewer are
    open to getting married.

15
Question
  • The cultural expectation to find a mate within
    one's social group is called
  • homogamy.
  • exogamy.
  • monogamy.
  • endogamy.

16
Answer D
  • The cultural expectation to find a mate within
    one's social group is called endogamy.

17
Spirituality and Religion in Mate Selection
  • Couples with a homogeneous religious marriage may
    have greater marital stability due to the value
    of religion for resolving conflicts.
  • Religious literature often provides practical,
    down-to-earth suggestions for relationship
    enhancement.

18
Complementary-Needs Theory
  • States that we select mates whose needs are
    opposite and complementary to our own.
  • Questions raised about this theory
  • Can personality needs be met outside the
    relationship?
  • What is a complementary need as opposed to a
    similar value?
  • Could a dependent person develop confidence and
    no longer need to be with a dominant person?

19
Exchange Theory
  • Mate selection is based on who offers the
    greatest rewards at the lowest cost
  • Rewards - Behaviors and resources that influence
    you to continue the relationship.
  • Cost - Unpleasant aspects of the relationship.
  • Profit - When rewards exceed costs.
  • Loss - When costs exceed rewards.
  • Alternative - Does another person offer a higher
    profit margin?

20
Parental Characteristics
  • Freud suggested that the choice of a love object
    in adulthood represents a shift in libidinal
    energy from the first love objectsthe parents.
  • Role theory and modeling theory emphasize that a
    son or daughter models after the parent of the
    same sex by selecting a partner similar to the
    one the parent selected.

21
Sociobiology
  • Men and women select mates on the basis of their
    concern for producing offspring.
  • Men look for a young, healthy, attractive,
    sexually conservative woman who will produce
    healthy children and take care of them.
  • Women look for an ambitious man with good
    economic capacity who will invest resources in
    her children.

22
Criticisms of the Sociobiology
  • Women show concern for the earning capacity of
    men because they have been denied access to
    similar economic resources.
  • Both women and men think about their partners
    more as companions than as future parents of
    their offspring.

23
Question
  • Which scenario best describes complementary needs
    theory?
  • selection of mates with opposite values
  • selection of mates with similar looks
  • selection of mates with similar values
  • selection of mates with different looks

24
Answer A
  • A selection of mates with opposite values best
    describes complementary needs theory.

25
Question
  • Which of the following emphasizes that people
    select partners who offer the greatest benefits
    at the least cost?
  • profit margin
  • complimentary needs theory
  • exchange theory
  • principle of least interest

26
Answer C
  • Exchange theory emphasizes that people select
    partners who offer the greatest benefits at the
    least cost.

27
Question
  • Sociobiology
  • proposes that behavior in selecting mates is
    reduced to environmental factors.
  • makes scientific inquiry to the notion that men
    are attracted to younger women and women are
    attracted to men with money.
  • discredits Charles Darwin's natural selection
    process theory.
  • goes against traditional stereotypes of American
    culture.

28
Answer B
  • Sociobiology makes scientific inquiry to the
    notion that men are attracted to younger women
    and women are attracted to men with money.

29
Desired Personality Characteristics for a Mate
  • Men and women report that the personality
    characteristics of being warm, kind, open, and
    having a sense of humor were very important to
    them in selecting a romantic/sexual partner.

30
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce
  • Disagreeable/low positives
  • Partners who always find something to argue about
    and who find few opportunities to make positive
    observations should be considered with caution.
  • Poor impulse control
  • Persons who have poor impulse control have little
    self-restraint and may be prone to aggression and
    violence.

31
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce
  • Hypersensitivity
  • When any negative statement or criticism is
    received with a greater impact than intended,
    couples lose the ability to talk through
    problems.
  • Inflated ego
  • Someone with an inflated sense of self may be
    less likely to consider the other persons
    opinion in a conflict and prefer to dictate an
    outcome.

32
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce
  • Being neurotic
  • Such individuals are perfectionists and require
    of themselves and others that they be perfect.
  • Anxiety
  • Husbands who report high levels of anxiety tend
    to report lower marital adjustment.

33
Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce
  • Insecurity
  • Insecurity compromises marital happiness.
  • Control
  • Individuals who are controlled by their family,
    former partner, or whomever compromise the
    marriage because their allegiance is external to
    the relationship.

34
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Paranoid Suspicious, defensive You may be accused of everything.
Schizoid Cold, aloof, reclusive You may feel that this person is not capable of returning your love.
35
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Borderline Moody,unstable, volatile You never know what your Jekyll-Hyde partner will be like.
Antisocial Deceptive, untrustworthy, remorseless This person could cheat on you, lie, or steal from you and not feel guilty.
36
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Narcissistic Egotistical, demanding, greedy, selfish This person views you in terms of your value to them, dont expect them to see anything from your point of view.
Dependent Helpless, weak, clingy, insecure This person demands your full attention, other interests will incite jealousy.
37
Personality Types Problematic in a Potential
Partner
Type Characteristics Impact on You
Obsessive - compulsive Rigid, inflexible This person has rigid ideas about how you should think and behave and may try to impose them on you.
38
Engagement
  • Asking Specific Questions
  • Partners may neither ask nor reveal information
    that they feel will be met with disapproval
    during casual dating.
  • The engagement is a time to get specific about
    the other partners thoughts, feelings, values,
    goals, and expectations.

39
Engagement
  • Visiting Partners Parents
  • If you want to know what your partner may be like
    in the future, look at his or her parent of the
    same sex.
  • If you want to know how your partner is likely to
    treat you in the future, observe the way your
    partners parent of the same sex treats and
    interacts with his or her spouse.

40
Visiting Partners Parents
  • The girl should focus on how her boyfriends
    father treats his mother, as this is how her
    boyfriend is likely to treat her.
  • The boy should look at how the girls mother
    treats her father, as this is how the girlfriend
    is likely to treat him.
  • Pg. 207

41
Engagement
  • Premarital Programs and Counseling
  • Some premarital couples attend the Prevention and
    Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP).
  • Couples who learned how to communicate and
    negotiate conflict been less likely than a
    control group to divorce or separate.
  • They also report greater marital satisfaction,
    fewer conflicts, and less physical violence.

42
Engagement
  • Prenuptial Agreement
  • Designed to specify how property will be divided
    if the marriage ends in divorce or by the death
    of one partner.
  • Reasons for a prenuptial agreement
  • Protecting assets for children from a prior
    relationship.
  • Protecting business associates.

43
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .
  • Age 18 or Younger
  • Individuals who marry in their teens have a
    greater risk of divorce.
  • Known Partner Less Than Two Years
  • Partners who date at least two years before
    getting married report the highest level of
    marital satisfaction.

44
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .
  • Abusive Relationship
  • Partners who emotionally and/or physically abuse
    their partners while dating continue this in
    marriage.
  • Numerous Significant Differences
  • Persons who report the greatest degree of
    satisfaction in relationships have a great deal
    in common.

45
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .
  • On-and-Off Relationship
  • Couples who routinely break up and get back
    together should examine the issues that recur in
    their relationship.
  • Dramatic Parental Disapproval
  • If the parents of either partner disapprove of,
    the partners should try to evaluate these
    concerns objectively.

46
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .
  • Low Sexual Satisfaction
  • Sexual satisfaction is linked to relationship
    satisfaction, love, and commitment.
  • Marrying for the Wrong Reason

47
Marrying for the Wrong Reason
  • Examples include
  • Rebound
  • Escape
  • Unanticipated pregnancy
  • Psychological blackmail
  • Pity
  • Filling a void

48
Question
  • In a comparing couples who have gone through
    pre-marital counseling versus those who have not,
    pre-marital counseling has been shown to have
    which of the following effects on a marriage?
  • either more positive or more negative, depending
    on the dynamics of the couple
  • negative
  • positive
  • none at all

49
Answer C
  • In a comparing couples who have gone through
    pre-marital counseling versus those who have not,
    pre-marital counseling has been shown to have
    positive effects on a marriage.

50
Runaway Bride
  • Jennifer Wilbanks ran away just days before her
    wedding which 600 guests were to attend.
  • Having anxiety about one's wedding is normal.
  • Getting cold feet to the point of not showing up
    ones wedding day is unusual.
  • Pg. 218

51
Before Ending a Relationship
  • Is there any desire or hope to revive and improve
    the relationship?
  • Acknowledge and accept that terminating a
    relationship may be painful for both partners.
  • Blame yourself for the end.
  • If you give your partner a way to make things
    better, you may feel obligated to give your
    partner a second chance if he or she promises
    change.

52
Before Ending a Relationship
  • Cut off the relationship completely.
  • If you are ending the relationship, it will be
    easier for you to continue to see the other
    person, but the other person will heal faster if
    you stay away.
  • Learn from the terminated relationship.
  • Recognize your contribution to the breakup and
    work on characteristics that might be a source of
    problems to future relationships.
  • Allow time to grieve over the end of the
    relationship.

53
Recovering from a Broken Heart
  • Some findings from a study about recovery from
    breakups
  • Sex differences - Women were more likely (50)
    than men (40) to initiate the breakup.
  • Sex differences - Men reported more difficulty
    than women in adjusting to a breakup.
  • Factors in recovery - The passage of time and
    involvement with a new partner were the most
    helpful factors in getting over a breakup.
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