Verbal Communication

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Verbal Communication

• If you cant be kind, at least have the decency
  to be vague.
• - Stephen Wright, Comedian

2
Verbal Communication

• The real art of conversation is not only to say
  the right thing at the right time, but also to
  leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
  moment.
• - Stephen Wright, Comedian

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Verbal Messages

• When I use a word, Humpty Dumpty said in
  rather a scornful tone, it means just what I
  choose it to mean neither more nor less.
• - Lewis Carroll

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Power of Language

• Language symbolizes reality.
• How we use it affects how we see reality and how
  we communicate.

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Language Symbolizes Reality

• Intensional Orientation
• Already made file folder.
• Labels First, Actual Second.
• Map is more important than territory
• Over-Dependence on definitions, verbalizations,
  etc.

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Intensional Orientation

• Viewing people, objects, and events how they are
  talked about or labeled rather than how they
  actually exist.
• Map is more important than the territory.

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Intensional Orientation

• Often leads to Stereotypes
• Kelly is a female so she must be nurse.
• Guys that wear Yankees hats are jerks.

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Extensional Orientation

• Make a new file folder.
• Looking at the actual people, objects, and events
  first, and then at the labels.
• The territory is more important than the map.
• To view first without label.

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Allness

• Six Blind Men and the Elephant
• Don judge whole by a part
• Wall, spear, snake, tree, fan, rope

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Nonallness Attitude

• To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great
  step toward knowledge.
• - Benjamin Disarelli, former British Prime
  Minister

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Flawed Perception

• We often treat inferences as though they are
  facts.
• Everybody knows that

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Facts

• Made after observation and limited to what is
  observed.

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Facts

• Made Only After Observation
• Limited to What Has Been Observed
• Made Only by Observer
• About Past or Present
• Approach Certainty
• Subject to Verifiable Standards

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Inferences

• Can be made by anyone at anytime and is not
  limited to what is observed.

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Inferences

• Made At Any Time
• Go Beyond What is Observed
• Made by Anyone
• May Be About Past, Present, or Future
• Vary in Probability
• Not Subject to Verifiable Standards

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Language Expresses Both Facts and Inferences

• Problems arise because we often act as though
  inferences are facts.
• We all know this is how it works

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Denotation and Connotation

• Denotation the objective definition of a word a
  general or universal meaning.
• Connotation the subjective or emotional meaning
  of a word a personal and less precise meaning.
• Snarl Words
• Purr Words

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Language can criticize and praise

• An important interpersonal skill is to detect
  when a person is asking for criticism versus a
  compliment.

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Expressing Praise

• I language.
• Communicate positive feelings (nonverbal match).
• Name the behavior youre praising.
• Consider culture.
• No That was good.
• Yes I thought your introduction was great.

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Criticism

• Focus on the event or behavior, not personality.
• Be specific.
• State criticism positively.
• Own your thoughts and feelings.

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Which is More Effective?

• Your paper is weak.
• I think the introduction isnt clear enough.
  Perhaps a specific statement of purpose would
  have worked better.

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Which is More Effective?

• Dont you care about the impression you make?
  This report is terrible.
• I think I would use a stronger introduction and
  a friendlier writing style.

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Language can obscure distinctions

• Indiscrimination occurs when you focus on a
  class of individuals, objects, or events and fail
  to see the uniqueness of the individual.

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Ethnocentrism

• Evaluating the values, beliefs, and behaviors of
  your own culture as being more positive, logical,
  and natural than those of other cultures.
• Usually done on a continuum.

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Polarization

• A black and white view of the world.
• Describing the world in extremes.

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Correcting Polarization

• Most cases fall between extremes.
• Middle terms.

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Static Evaluation

• Retaining evaluations without change even though
  the reality has changed.

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Confirmation and Disconfirmation

• Confirmation communication patterns that
  acknowledges the presence of other people and
  show acceptance. Boosts self esteem.
• Disconfirmation Ignore other peoples presence,
  showing rejection. Lowers self esteem.

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Verbal Communication Summary

• Extensional Orientation is more effective.
• Dont treat inferences as though they are facts.
• Recognize the difference between connotation and
  denotation.
• Expressing praise and criticism requires planning
  and precision.
• Be careful with polarization language.