COM 101: Introduction to Interpersonal Communication

1
COM 101 Introduction to Interpersonal
Communication

• Instructor Iva Thelen
• Spring 2006
• Lecture 12

2
Overview

• Lecture and Activity

3
Managing Conflict in Relationships

• Interpersonal conflict What is it?
• Expressed disagreement
• Interdependence
• Felt need to resolve

4
Principles of Conflict

• Conflict is a natural process in all
  relationships
• Conflict may be overt or covert
• Conflict behaviors and meanings are shaped by
  social locations
• Conflict can be managed well or poorly
• Conflict can be good for individuals and
  relationships

5
Orientations to Conflict

• Lose-Lose
• Win-Lose
• Win-Win

6
Responses to Conflict

• Exit Response
• Neglect Response
• Loyalty Response
• Voice Response

7
Communication Patterns During Conflict

• Unproductive Conflict Communication
• Constructive Conflict Communication
• Conflict Management Skills

8
Conflict Management Skills

• Attend to relationship-level meanings
• Communicate supportively
• Listen mindfully
• Own your feelings, thoughts and issues
• Check perceptions
• Look for points of agreement
• Look for ways to preserve the others face
• Imagine how you will feel in the future

9
Guidelines for Effective Communication During
Conflict

• Focus on the Overall Communication System
• Time Conflict Effectively
• Aim for Win-Win Conflict
• Honor Yourself, Your Partner, and the
  Relationship
• Show Grace When Appropriate

10
Why Dont We Confront?

• Insecurity
• Fear Counter/Confront Us
• Fear of Losing Friendships
• Fear of Retaliation

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How Do We Confront Firmly and Compassionately?

• Set the Climate
• Ask for Time
• State Your Intentions
• State Your Concerns or Reservations
• State Your Case
• Own your Responsibility
• Describe Specifically the Behavior you are
  confronting Dont evaluate or judge

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How to.

• Listen and Acknowledge
• Give 100 Attention
• Demonstrate understanding with listening Checks.
• Negotiate
• Request the specific behavior changes you want.
• Offer help.
• Describe positive and negative consequences

13
How to

• Reach and Confirm Agreements
• Restate the agreements you have reached.
• Establish follow up.
• Share appreciations

14
Pitfalls

• Person may become defensive stick with the
  issue, be specific until they understand you
• Dont get off track

15
The Activity

• Managing Conflict Activity

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For Tuesday

• Friendships in our lives