Writing MiniLesson

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Writing Mini-Lesson

• Show, Dont Tell!

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Show, Dont Tell!

• I could hardly wait until my mom came home from
  the hospital with the new baby. The baby was
  cute.
• OR.

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Show, Dont Tell!

• Melissa has big blue eyes, straight black hair,
  and soft skin. She has red cheeks, too. Her
  fingers and toes are tiny, and her clothes arent
  much bigger than an American Dolls.

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Show, Dont Tell!

• Please shut your eyes while I read this sentence
  to you
• Mavis was angry when she heard what the umpire
  said.
• Act out what you see.

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Show, Dont Tell!

• Please shut your eyes again and listen to this
  sentence
• Shaking her head back and forth, Mavis pounded
  home plate with her fist after the umpire
  shouted, Youre out!
• Again, act out what you see.

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Show, Dont Tell!

• Which sentence showed you Mavis anger?
• Which sentence offered you the most details?
• Which sentence painted the most specific picture
  in your mind?

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Show, Dont Tell

• Strategies writers use to SHOW what is happening
  include
• describing the characters actions rather than
  just saying how he or she feels.
• using action verbs.
• using similes and metaphors.
• using dialogue.
• Appealing to some of the five senses to paint a
  picture of what is happening.

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Show, Dont Tell

• The girl cried a lot.
• Describe the picture that this sentence paints in
  your mind.
• What words could we use instead of girl? What are
  more specific words that mean cry?
• How else can we say a lot?
• NOW YOU TRY IT!

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Show me, dont tell me!

• The boy nervously waited for the bus. (What did
  his body do?)
• The cat did the trick correctly. (Describe the
  cats actions)
• The river went over its banks. (Use a more
  specific verb.

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Show me, dont tell me cont.

• The man chewed the meat. (What did the mans
  mouth and teeth do?)
• The tired lady walked toward her home. (What did
  her body do?)
• The flower blew in the wind. (Use specific
  vocabulary to describe how it blew.)

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Freedom 1

• I lean forward and pedal my bike real hard into
  the park. My tires zoom over the hot blacktop
  and the cool wind touches my face. The bike path
  goes around the picnic area, the golf course, and
  along the river. I ride over the hills and
  around the curves. Lots of fall trees flash past
  my eyes. A bird flies alongside me, until he
  gets tired and pulls away. The sun peeks in and
  out of shadows. My heart beats as fast as my
  feet pedal. This is FREEDOM!

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Freedom 2

• With my head pushed forward like the bow of a
  boat, I pump my bike fast and hard into the park.
  Whoosh! My tires press against the hot
  blacktop, while cool air brushes my face. Like a
  ribbon, the bike path loops around the picnic
  area, through the golf course, and along the
  river, carrying me effortlessly over hills and
  around curves. Acres of autumn trees flash a
  colorful border just outside my focus. A
  songbird races alongside me, but soon falls
  behind and veers into the woods. The sun plays
  peek-a-boo jumping out from shadows right in
  front of me. Push. Speed. Acceleration. My heart
  beats in rhythm with my pedals and I realize that
  this is what freedom feels like today.

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But, what can I do to include more show, not
tell?

• Use images that appeal to the five senses.
• Describe what a person does, instead of saying
  what feeling he or she has.
• Select strong, active verbs that help paint a
  picture in the readers mind.
• Include the actual thoughts or words spoken when
  you can.
• Use similes or metaphors whenever possible.

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More Practice.

• Gloria was not a cook.
• The dog seemed aggressive.
• A hard rain fell.
• It was a pleasant day.
• Frank felt suddenly shy.
• Bill was frightened of cats.
• Pauls room was messy.
• I could tell that the cat didnt like me.