Clear and Concise Sentences

1
Clear and Concise Sentences

• Problems

2
Wordiness

• redundancies
• needless repetition
• roundabout phrases

3
Weak subjects and verbs

• needless to be verbs
• nominalizations
• unnecessary initial it and there
• unnecessary passive voice

4
Redundancies

• We left for Los Angeles at 1000 p.m. at night.
• My brother is a man who always pays his bills.
• Good baseball players know the basic fundamentals
  of the game.

5
Needless Repetition

• My favorite picture is a picture of our house in
  Newport Beach.
• When my sister called me on the telephone at two
  oclock this morning, I told her two oclock in
  the morning was too early in the morning for her
  to call on the telephone.

6
Roundabout Phrases

• at all times (always) at the present time (now)
  at this point in time (now)
• on many occasions (often) in this modern day and
  age (today) because of the fact that (because)
  due to the fact that (because or since) for the
  purpose of (for) until such time as ___
• in spite of fact that (although, even though)
  make a reference to (refer).

7
Needless to be verbs

• She is the one who is responsible for your
  damaged car.
• His behavior was a demonstration of my point.
• Sergio and Rene were the winners of the 10,000
  raffle.

8
Nominalizations

• Marios realization of his betrayal by his
  business partner occurred when he saw the bank
  statement.
• Shellys request was that we conduct an
  examination of the finances of the city council
  members.

9
unnecessary initial it and there

• There is a belief held by many people that we
  should lower taxes.
• It is imperative that we leave in five minutes if
  we want to arrive on time.

10
unnecessary passive voice

• The car was driven two hundred miles by Mr.
  Ogilvey before he was found by the police.