How to Make Sentences Clear and Concise

1
How to Make Sentences Clear and Concise

• Richard Lanhams "Paramedic Method" for writing

2

• Richard Lanham, a professor of English at UCLA,
  invented an easy-to-use method for making your
  writing clearer and more concise.
• .

3
Editing your professional writing using the
Paramedic Method will make your prose easier to
read. Sentences that are easy to read are more
persuasive and more user-centered.
4
1a. Circle the Prepositions

• Too many prepositions can drain all the action
  out of a sentence. Get rid of the prepositions,
  and find a strong active verb to make the
  sentence direct

5
Preposition

• any word (or group of words) that relates a noun
  or pronoun to another word in a sentence.
• common prepositions about, after, among, behind,
  down up, from, of, off, past, before, underneath,
  with, above, during, beyond, in, since, until,
  within, according to, along, at beside, by
  except, into, on, through, up, without, across,
  amid, before, besides, concerning, for, like,
  over toward, upon.

6
Example

• Original In this passage is an example of the
  use of the rule of justice in argumentation.
• Revised This passage exemplifies argumentation
  using the rule of justice.

7
2. Circle the "is" forms

• Using "is" in a sentence gets it off to a slow
  start, and makes the sentence weak. Replace as
  many "to be" verbs with action verbs as you can,
  and change all passive voice ("is defended by")
  to an active voice ("defends").

8
Original The point I wish to make is that
fish sleep with their eyes open.Revised Fish
sleep with their eyes open.
9
3. Ask, "Where's the action of the sentence?"
"Who's kicking who?"

• The action of the sentence describes what who is
  doing what to whom. If you get stuck in a passive
  sentence always ask the question "Who does what
  to whom?" If you use that formula you will always
  write active sentences.

10
Original Burning books is considered censorship
by some people.Revised Some people consider
burning books censorship.
11

• 4. Put this "kicking" action in a simple active
  verb.
• Finding the subject of the sentence is the
  person or thing doing the action. In the
  following sentence, the subject is the team.
  The team placed the gyroscope laterally.

12
Original The theory of relativity isn't
demonstrated by this experiment.Revised This
experiment does not demonstrate the theory of
relativity.
13
5. Start fast--no slow windups

• Windups are phrases, usually prepositional
  phrases, that set up an idea to be expressed in a
  sentence. Some windups are necessary or important
  to the meaning of the sentences they introduce,
  but others just make sentences wordy or
  unnecessarily complex. Deciding whether a windup
  is necessary or not depends on the context.

14

• Stick to the action and avoid opening sentences
  with phrases like these
• My opinion is that....
• The point I wish to make is that ...
• The fact of the matter is that...

15
6. Redundancies

• redundancies are patterns or words that are
  repeated in a sentence. Using redundancies leads
  to awkward and lengthy sentences, which can make
  your sentences and your ideas hard to understand.
  The following sentence contains redundancies (was
  conducted, with)

16
"The experiment was conducted at 1330 GMT and was
conducted with an increased basal rate with a
double bolus."Eliminating redundancies reduces
word count and makes sentences easier to
understand"The experiment was conducted at 1330
GMT using an increased basal rate and a double
bolus."
17
Your turn
18
Example Concise Solutions

• Employees at this company need a better money
  manager. (Original word count 26. New word
  count 10).
• In recent years, engineers at Sandia Labs have
  participated in the Search and Rescue operations.
  (Original word count 24. New word count 16).
• After reviewing the results of your research, and
  within the context of the study, we find evidence
  supporting significant changes in our operating
  procedures. (Original word count 36. New word
  count 25).