The Chemistry of

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The Chemistry of

• Halloween

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Length 1 bw 5.82 feet

• The standard unit of length in this system is the
  average Megachiroptera wing span (as de commonly
  known as the bat wing (bw)
• They actually see with large prominent eyes and
  are no nocturnal, meaning that they are not at
  all to blame for any mischief during All Hallows
  Eve.
• Their giant wing span makes them appealing as a
  terrifying unit of length, far more chilling than
  the foot.

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Mass1ghost 0.00001g

• The unit of mass is the ghost. The fact that
  they all possess the same mass, almost zero,
  means that there is no concern if their average
  mass changes with time.
• Note that the house to the right is the home of
  many of our mass units. That they cannot be
  directly observed is persuasive evidence that our
  conversion formula is accurate.
• 1 ghost 0.00001g, exactly

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Density ghost/pumpkin

• Density is of course, just the number of ghosts
  per pumpkin although recently it has become
  fashionable to express density as ghosts per
  spherical bat wing.
•  

5
Time 1 min and 45 seconds

• Witches are symbolized on Halloween against a
  backdrop of the moon. Recent evidence indicates
  that witches are gigantic creatures, nearly the
  size of the moon itself, quite close to the moon,
  and continual orbit about it.
• It takes a witch 1 min and 45 seconds to
  completely orbit the moon. All witches travel at
  the same speed. Thus the unit of Halloween time
  is the witch moon orbit (wmo).
• At Halloween midnight, precisely, all witches
  stop moving, fall into the moon, and normal time
  resumes. The evidence suggests that witches are
  not responsible for the evil doings on halloween.

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Velocity 1 wmo 1 minute, 45 sec.

• The bat wing per witch moon orbit, the Halloween
  velocity unit, is simply called "bwpwmo," an
  acronym of "bat wing per witch moon orbit." Ah,
  you may well ask, what if the bat wing is moving?
  Then the length of the wing shortens if it is
  moving away from the witch, resulting in an
  increase in velocity, but not without limit.
• The velocity may never exceed the velocity of a
  witch orbiting the moon. Any bat wing, or other
  object, once it attains witch orbit speed,
  promptly grows a broom and become a witch.

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Volume

• The unit of volume, originally conceived to be
  the "coffin" has, in recent years, been changed
  to the "pumpkin", mostly because the coffin
  carried such negative connotations.
• Anyway, what is the point of a cubic
• meter in a spherical universe?
• 1 pumpkin .014137 m3, exactly.

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Halloween Conversion

• On halloween night, the moon will be in the sky
  for 10 hours and 13 minutes. How many moon
  orbits will the witches make?
• The pumpkin patch has a volume of 5.82m3. How
  many pumpkins will it hold?
• Helgas potion calls for 31 feet of batwing. How
  many batwings will she need for her bewitching
  spell?
• How much pulp will 5 little pumpkins, sitting on
  a gate, make when I carve them all into
  jack-o-lanterns?
• Wendy witch would like to take a spin around the
  moon before the party at midnight. If it is
  1155 when she leaves, and takes 3 trips, will
  she make it to the party?

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The End
Have a Merry Halloween