Biblical Counselor Training Class

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Biblical Counselor Training Class

• Lesson 10 Biblical Parenting

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XII. Biblical Parenting
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A. The Goal of Parenting

1. The glory of God (1 Cor. 1031, 2 Cor. 59)
2. Faithfulness to do what God asks parents to do

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B. The Priority of Marriage in Parenting

• One-flesh vs. not one flesh relationships
  (Gen. 224)
• The marriage relationship is a permanent
  relationship
• The parent-child relationship is a temporary
  relationship
• Child-centered home - a home in which the
  child believes and is allowed to behave as though
  the entire household exist for one purpose to
  please him Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger, 24.
• Children are allowed to
• Interrupt adults when they are talking
• Use manipulation rebellion to get their way
• Dictate family schedule
• Take precedence over the needs of the spouse

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B. The Priority of Marriage in Parenting

• Have an equal or overriding vote in
  decision-making
• Demand excessive time and attention from parents
  to the neglect of other responsibilities
• Escape consequences of sinful behavior
• Speak to parents as peers
• Be the dominant influence in the home
• Be entertained and coddled (rather than
  disciplined) out of a bad mood

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B. The Priority of Marriage in Parenting

• Christ-centered home children perceive that
  the goal of the family is to honor please
  Christ. This means that
• The marriage relationship is the priority
  relationship, since it is permanent.
• The husband is the head of the family, as Christ
  is the head of the church, and the wife is his
  helper.
• Children have an important relationship in the
  home, but their relationship is secondary
  temporary.

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C. Wrong Means Goals in Parenting

• Making children behave
• Never telling children no letting them have
  their way all the time
• Sheltering them blank slate approach
• Legalistic parenting
• Deterministic parenting
• Forcing a profession of faith

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D. A Common Misunderstanding

• Prov. 226 - Train up a child in the way he
  should go, even when he is old he will not depart
  from it.
• Lit. train up a child in his own way, and when
  he is old he will not depart from it.
• Para train your child to always get his way,
  and when he grows up, hell still live to always
  get his way.
• This verse is a warning, not a promise.

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E. The Means of Parenting

• Deut. 64-9
• A godly example (v. 6, cf. Ezra 710,1 Tim. 416)
• In milieu instruction (vv. 7-9)
• Eph. 61-3
• God has given parents the role of authority over
  children
• Children honor God when they honor and obey their
  parents
• Children need to understand that the place of
  Gods blessing is when they honor and obey

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Ephesians 61-3
Circle of Blessing
It will go well with you
Spiritual danger
Spiritual danger
HONOR OBEY
Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Childs Heart
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Ephesians 61-3
Circle of Blessing
It will go well with you
Spiritual danger
Spiritual danger
HONOR OBEY
Dishonors or disobeys
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Ephesians 61-3
Circle of Blessing
It will go well with you
?
Spiritual danger
Spiritual danger
HONOR OBEY
Dishonors or disobeys
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F. Corrective Discipline

1. Discipline is corrective restorative, not just
   punitive. It is designed to train (Heb. 1211)
2. The goal of discipline is to bring a child back
   into the circle of blessing
3. Discipline should target the heart, not just deal
   with behavior
4. The manner and means must be biblical.
5. The attitude and heart of the parent must be
   right before God.

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F. Corrective Discipline

• Kinds of corrective discipline
• Logical consequences (Luke 1511-24, 2 Thes.
  310)
• Fruit of sin (Prov. 522, Jer. 219)
• Additional work (Gen. 317-19)
• Loss of privileges and rewards (Deut. 28)
• Corporal punishment (Prov. 1324, 2215,
  2313-14, 2915)
• The rod of men (2 Sam. 714, 2 Chron. 331-12)

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F. Corrective Discipline

• Guidelines on the use of the rod
• Check your own heart (cf. Eph. 64)
• Give clear instruction beforehand
• If a warning is appropriate, give only one
  (clearly, and do not count)
• Always discipline a child alone
• Ensure the child understood the instruction, and
  acknowledges that they did not obey. Make sure
  they know what they should have done.
• Use Scripture to show that discipline is right
• Inform the child of the number of swats they will
  receive

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F. Corrective Discipline

• Use a neutral object to administer the said
  number of swats
• Use enough force and number of swats to
  accomplish training
• Fighting, disrespect, or rebellion is an
  indication that more discipline is needed
• Comfort the child (this needs to be the same
  person who administered the discipline)
• Teach and counsel the child (use Scripture)
• Move from behavior to the heart (Prov. 205)
• Put the issue in the context of worship
• Show the child his responsibility before God
• Present the gospel

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F. Corrective Discipline

1. Help the child to confess his sin, repent, and
   seek forgiveness from God and appropriate people
2. Give the child a second opportunity to obey
3. Use wisdom with when and where you use the rod

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G. Ephesians 64

• Fathers bear primary responsibility
• Do not provoke your children to anger
• Ways parents provoke children to anger
• Lack of marital harmony
• Establishing/maintaining a child-centered home
• Modeling sinful anger
• Consistently disciplining in anger
• Scolding
• Being inconsistent with discipline
• Having double standards
• Being legalistic (Making man-made rules equal to
  Gods law, or a test of spirituality)

Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger, 30-51.
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G. Ephesians 64

1. Not admitting when you are wrong
2. Constantly finding fault
3. Parents reversing God given roles
4. Not listening to the childs opinion or side of
   the story
5. Comparing children to others
6. Not having time to talk
7. Not praising the child
8. Failing to keep promises
9. Chastising him in front of others
10. Giving too much freedom
11. Not giving enough freedom
12. Making fun of the child

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G. Ephesians 64

• Abusing them physically
• Calling them names
• Having unrealistic expectations
• Showing favoritism toward one child over another
• Employing child-training methodologies that are
  inconsistent with Gods Word
• provoke to anger does not mean you never upset,
  oppose, displease, cross, or anger your child.
• It speaks of setting up a child for an angry
  response.
• It speaks of an ongoing pattern, not an
  occasional event.

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G. Ephesians 64

• But bring them up
• Bring up means to nourish up to maturity.
• The phrase reveals three implications
• Children do not automatically grow up to be what
  God wants them to be (Prov. 2215, 1915)
• The verb is a command, which means this is Gods
  will for all parents. It is the only option.
• The verb speaks of an ongoing activity, which
  parents must be engaged in all the time.
• This reveals as well that the goal of parenting
  is to prepare our children to leave the home and
  live successfully on their own by thinking and
  acting biblically in all aspects of life

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G. Ephesians 64

1. Thus all instruction and discipline in parenting
   must be a means toward this goal (Goal-oriented
   vs. Moment-oriented). Parenting must never be
   about relieving a parents frustration of the
   moment.
2. Parents must work hard to ensure that a childs
   dependency, responsibility, and authority
   transitions from the parent to himself as he
   becomes a young adult.

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G. Ephesians 64

• In the discipline of the Lord
• discipline means training guidance for
  responsible Christ-honoring living
• This training should include
• Establishing appropriate guidelines and rules
  based upon biblical principles (Ps. 11990-100, 2
  Tim. 316-17)
• Explaining expectations clearly
• Enforcing the rules and guidelines
• Modeling (1 Thes. 15-6, Phil. 49)
• Training (1 Tim. 47-8, Heb. 514)
• Motivating (1 Thes. 211-12)
• Correcting (Heb. 125-12, Prov. 1324)

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G. Ephesians 64

• Teaching children to think and live out of a
  biblical worldview
• Training children to respond biblically
• And instruction of the Lord
• instruction means admonishment or counsel
• 2 actions involved in this instruction
• Discerning the thinking and behavior God wants to
  change (1 Thes. 514, Col. 128)
• Verbally using Gods Word to change thinking
  behavior (Rom. 1514, 2 Thes. 315, Col. 218)

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G. Ephesians 64

• Of the Lord
• Christ His Word are the authority
• Christ His Word provide the content
• Christ His Word teach the means
• Christ His Word reveal the end or goal
• How?
• My example
• In milieu times of instruction
• Formal times of instruction
• Corrective discipline
• Participation in the body of Christ

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H. A Vision for Parenting

• Psalm 78