1
Show dont Tell

• Tips Tricks
• Using action, sensory details, dialogue and
  personal thoughts to improve your Personal
  Narrative Essay.

2
Show me...

• Show me, dont tell me
• Often time, writers fall into the habit of
  telling a reader, but to engage the reader, make
  him feel like he is in the situation with you by
  vividly describing it.
• Dont just tell me It was incredibly funny
• Instead, show me with vivid, sensory details
• Keep this in mind for the next slide

3
Warm Up

• Show me It was incredibly funny.
• To help you get started, watch the following
  funny clip and then write a description of what
  is happening that would let a reader come to the
  conclusion that it was incredibly funny.
• Literally write down what you hear, see, or any
  dialogue that is used. Try to answer the
  following questions What is the baby doing? How
  is he laughing? What is so funny? What is the
  baby laughing at? What sounds do you hear in the
  background?
• Use your answers to help provide the description
  of what is happening.
• Laughing Baby

4
Example of Telling

• One day George was riding his bike. A guy came
  up to him. He chased George into a dark alley.
  George rode through it fast and the man stopped
  to rest.
• How could we revise this using action, sensory
  details, dialogue and personal thoughts?
• With your elbow partner, rewrite the paragraph
  above on a separate sheet of paper.
• Make sure to keep in mind/answer the following
  questions in your rewrite
• Where was George when he saw the man?
• What else did he see as he rode?
• What did the man look like?
• What did he do? Did he say anything?
• What was George thinking as the man approached
  him?

5
Revised for Showing

• George pedaled into the dark alley. Off to his
  right he glimpsed a trash can. Crouched behind
  the can was a man in a short-sleeved shirt.
  George could see a tattoo on his arm. (sensory
  details)
• Seeing George, the man held out a cigarette.
  Gotta light? he asked. (dialogue)
• Smokings bad for you, George said. Suddenly
  his adrenaline began pumping. What if this guy
  tried to kidnap him? (personal thoughts)

6
Example of Telling

• Mary opened her present quickly. She took out a
  doll. It was the one shed always wanted. She
  thanked her parents, and happily started to play
  with it.
• How could we revise this using action, sensory
  details, dialogue and personal thoughts?
• With your elbow partner, turn the telling
  example into a showing example. Consider the
  following questions
• Where was Mary when she opened the present?
• What did the doll look like?
• What kind of doll was it (brand)?
• Why did Mary want this doll in particular?
• What did she specifically say to her parents?
• How did she play with the doll?
• Where did she take the doll to play?

7
Example of Showing

• Oh my gosh, shrieked Mary. (dialogue) The new
  toy smell filled Marys nostrils. (sensory
  details) Before even taking her out of the box,
  Mary noticed the spur boots and cowboy hat.
  (description) Mom and Dad, how did you know I
  wanted her? she asked.
• Marys father shot her mother a wink making a
  note of the price tag.
• We noticed that you could not keep your eyes off
  of her when we went to the American Girl Store in
  Chicago last month, replied her mother.
• Marys eyes lit up and an upward crack formed
  along her lip line. (sensory details)
• You are the best parents a girl could ask for
  her.
• What would she do if she found out her parents
  bought her a knock off? (personal thoughts)

8
One More Example

• SHOW (don't tell) your character's traits and
  feelings!
• Example Jerry was a spoiled brat. (Main
  character
• is Sharon, his older sister.)
• ACTION/DESCRIPTION (Think VERBS! and sneaky
  description) Jerry's brown eyes NARROWED into
  slits. He STAMPED his foot.
• DIALOGUE "I don't care what you say. I want some
  candy and I'm going to have it!"
• THOUGHTS Mom would have a fit if I acted like
  that, thought Sharon.

9
Practice

• Directions Provide your own example of
  action/description, dialogue and personal
  thoughts for the following sentences.
• Mr. Schmitt is a nice guy.
• ACTION/DESCRIPTION
• DIALOGUE
• PERSONAL THOUGHTS
• I lost my iPhone on the bus.
• ACTION/DESCRIPTION
• DIALOGUE
• PERSONAL THOUGHTS

10
On Your Own

• Switch essays with a partner and have them read
  it. Highlight any parts of their essay that
  tell the action instead of showing it.
  Write suggestions regarding how your partner
  can incorporate action, sensory details, dialogue
  and personal thoughts to their essay.
• Switch back and go through your partners
  comments. In a different color, highlight any
  parts of your essay that tell the action
  instead of showing it.
• Rewrite any of the sections that you or your
  partner noted.